He left...

[snow_girl]

The good times that we did have. I would loose him. I'm scared to be single.
I love having an ldr, I always thought it was better than an ordinary relationship.
I would loose this pain and gain another kind of pain.
I never thought this would be in consideration.

These are all terrible reasons to stay with this dick.

[snow]

It's time for some tough love. I am the last person to tell anyone to stay in an abusive relationship, but cut that guy some slack, seriously. He had no sleep, he was working, he said he would talk to you if he was awake. Maybe he will sleep all evening, maybe not, so instead of giving you hopes, he told you straight up.

Listen, of course him making you feel like your emotional side is too much for him, is definitely wrong and definitely something he shouldn't do, but are you sure he does? Are you sure you are not overreacting? I am asking, because I am the same way. I interpret actions and words much worse than they actually are and then I get myself upset over nothing.

Let's go back to the misunderstanding. Yes, you were emotional and he misunderstood, he thought you were giving him an attitude, happens. But then you attacked him on an emotional and very personal level. You can't expect him to be all lovey dovey after you tell him that he doesn't love you, he picks and chooses what he loves about you and when it comes to your emotions or how you feel, he couldn't care less. Of course he would shut down, you basically told him he's a shitty ass boyfriend for misunderstanding you. I'd be deeply hurt if my husband said this to me. These statements assume you know better than himself how he feels and that's something you never ever will. If I was him, I'd be waiting for an apology for this attack.

Don't get me wrong, he should have consoled you when you cried yourself to sleep, but at the same time, people get stubborn when they're hurt, which he clearly was when he ignored you all day.

And then, right before he leaves and he wants you to kiss him so at least that is something he can have with him, you tell him that you are building walls around you that he cannot and will not tear down, that you will not show him emotions anymore and that he will never see you cry again. That's not how relationships work - you can't go all or nothing! It's a compromise! Maybe he is overwhelmed with how often you cry, it happens, seeing someone you love cry breaks your heart, but if it's for non-reasons you will grow tired of it at some point.

You have to put yourself in his shoes before you decide to break this off. Did you even consider that he was hurt too? Ask him.

Now, I am not saying he is the best boyfriend and you are the worst girlfriend, neither am I saying the other way around, but I think right now you are only considering your own feelings, not his and in a relationship, you need to consider both.

If you made up your mind, obviously disregard everything I said, but we over-sensitive people, I'm including myself here, we need to sometimes take ourselves out of the situation and look at it from the outside.

[TaraMarie]

Miasmata, how did I grow to love someone that would treat me this way?

Because you don't love and respect yourself. You have to do that first. Stop settling. He is not worth it. Love yourself first. Loving the right man will come to you then. Good luck!

[whatruckus]

I agree with snow. Yes, he's been a dick lately, but it seems like you've been attacking him every chance you get. After your post about your conversation today, I could really see it. I saw it slightly when he asked you for a kiss, and you turned him down, but now it's very obvious.

I'm a Hyper Sensitive Person as well, and you need to understand that a lot of people aren't. When you constantly attack someone for such little things, they're going to start to resent you, and it kind of seems like he's getting to that point. Giving him an attitude because he was tired is unacceptable. If he's running off 2 hours of sleep, after working all day, wouldn't you be exhausted too? Even I wouldn't be up to having a long, deep, conversation about problems in my relationship. Neither would my SO. I would never give him an attitude for being tired, it happens. There have been many times he's been exhausted and I wanted to talk, but he wanted to sleep. I respected that. And, there's been times where I was tired and he completely understood.

He told you he was very tired, barely had any sleep. Him saying, "If I'm awake," was perfectly acceptable because he was letting you know that he wasn't sure if he'd be awake or not. Why get mad at that? He was giving you a heads up.

Don't you think it would be better to talk to him when he's well rested, and not stressed out and cranky? Especially after work? Everyone becomes extremely irritable when they're tired. It's just a fact. And, wanting to have such a conversation during that time is destructive and counter-productive. You would've just ended up in another big fight because you'd be attacking him while he's already cranky. And, you're already cranky from wanting to talk to him when he's tired!

You need to pick and choose your battles wisely, not everything needs to have a huge discussion, and not everything needs to be pointed out.

Again, like snow said, he's not an amazing boyfriend, but you're also not an amazing girlfriend either. No one is perfect, and no one can understand another without being in their shoes.

Also, even though I absolutely love and adore my SO, I can see myself living without him. I did it before we met. When people say things like this, and not in a "professing-your-love" kind of way to their SO's, it's usually because they don't remember how to live without their SO and their relationship. That, and they don't respect themselves enough to be alone, or have the self confidence to. Would it suck to be without my SO? Would I be upset for a while? Absolutely, but I do know that I would make it through.

Don't base your self-worth and life around someone else. Just don't.

[Miasmata]

My point wasn't that he's an abuser, but that a situation where a partner makes you feel like crap so much and you only stay because you don't want to be alone is unhealthy. If he makes you feel like this with his behaviour, that's abusive, whether it's his intention or not doesn't matter. What does matter, though, is your attitude about him and yourself - That's why I asked what you get out of the relationship and what you have to lose. You said "I'm scared to be alone" and you didn't say anything about how he's good for you. Only you can ask yourself honestly: Is he good for you or not, and if he is, do you have trouble seeing it more than the bad times? Snow and especially Whatruckus touched upon some really good points.

[twentynine11]

I appreciate everyone's input.
I am confused and absolutely hate the way I feel. I can't say that he is to blame for that. You can't depend on one person for your happiness.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to shake this. I'm not happy anymore. My child picks up on this...
I honestly just want to invest my time and energy in my son. I looked at him this morning as I brought him to daycare and realized how mopey he looks. His facial expressions, his body language, his tone of voice... He is learning from me. I wanted to cry. He is more important than anything in this world. I'm with him everyday, but I want to actually spend more quality time with him!
As for my SO, I feel pain constantly. I'm not sure how to fix that within myself.

[twentynine11]

Is he good for you or not, and if he is, do you have trouble seeing it more than the bad times? Snow and especially Whatruckus touched upon some really good points.

He is good for me. Domestically, financially, sexually, etc... I have absolutely no complaints. Anything my son or I need, he is there. He just lacks in the emotional part. He has a head on his shoulders and is moving forward in life in education and career, just like me. We are in the same boat there and have supported each other through those struggles for the past three years. I am a single mother of a boy, and he has been so good to my son. He can be a fun person. When we first starting dating, I didn't want the relationship, I didn't want him. He was patient and persistent with me and THAT is what "won me over". He showed that he cared about the situation I was going through at the time. He interacted with my son. He was there for me as a friend before anything psychical ever occurred.

Lately, I focus on everything that he is not.
Yes, I have trouble seeing the good because I am so focused on the bad. I know I focus on the negative a lot because of my emotions, but I failed to mention the good things that he did this past weekend. He bought groceries for my place when he arrived and again before he left. I asked him for $1, he sent me $50 through the Chase app. Yea, he went to play basketball two of the days that he was here. He invited my son and I to come along too. He brought me to the bank and put my name on his savings account, something I did not ask for. He held me one morning and told me how leaving was not easy for him and going back to be alone without me was not fun for him. He has told me several times because of my worry that he will not leave me again. Before he left, during our argument, he told me, "I'm not leaving you, that would be an irrational thing to do!". Shouldn't I just be happy in the fact that I have a man that loves me and wants to take care of my son and I? The fact that he says he isn't going anywhere, shouldn't that translate to me that he does want this to work?

[sasad]

That is a big deal to me. Your child. He is 8 and learning relationships and how to act from you.
Not only are you hurting, look at your son.
I have a child who just turned 10. He is the love of my life, but I do NOT let him see me cry if at all possible. I am seperated from his father and I never talk ill or try to not be pissed or sad in fromt of him. Please, if anything, whatch what you are doing to your child.

That being said, how is this relationship healthy for anyone involved? I understand emotions, but honey, you seem to cry at everything. That is distressing to everyone.
I know its hard. We have all been in similar situations, but maybe it is time to step back and re-evaluate what is important.

I am not trying to be harsh or to judge, I just have a hard time when children are getting hurt.....

Saw posts after I started this.... What do you really feel for him and what is it you expect from your relationship??? It seems like you are angry with him or something?

[twentynine11]

That is a big deal to me. Your child. He is 8 and learning relationships and how to act from you.
Not only are you hurting, look at your son.
I have a child who just turned 10. He is the love of my life, but I do NOT let him see me cry if at all possible. It am seperated from his father and I never talk ill or try to not be pissed or sad. Please, if anything, whatch what you are doing to your child.

That being said, how is this relationship healthy for anyone involved? I understand emotions, but honey, you seem to cry at everything. That is distressing to everyone.
I know its hard. We have all been in similar situations, but maybe it is time to steo back and re-evaluate what is important.

I am not trying to be harsh or to judge, I just have a hard time when children are getting hurt.....

Saw posts after I started this.... What do you really feel for him and what is it you expect from your relationship??? It seems like you are angry with him or something?

I did not take your post as harsh, but very on point. My son has been on the back burner to my "emotions" lately. I hate to admit that, it's wrong of me. I am going to fill up some water balloons today and surprise him with a little water balloon fight this evening after work/daycare. He needs to see his mom laugh.

You are right, I am emotional about everything. I cry a lot and let my emotions control me instead of controlling my emotions.
I think I will be happier in this relationship and it will be more pleasant for those involved. Change always starts with ourselves. It hasn't been perfect, but we have had an amazing 3 years together. I've focused on the rocky last two months instead of the amazing 3 years!

To answer your question. He hurt me! He disregards my feelings to make himself more comfortable. If I'm angry at him, that would be why. I don't feel angry though, just hurt.

[Miasmata]

Being hurt and bringing that to his attention is definitely good. You just seem very emotionally raw about it all. Do you struggle with anxiety and being too emotionally raw outside of your relationship, too? If yes, that might be something worth looking into. Also, sorry if I missed it, but is your SO generally an insensitive type or just in the relationship? If he's generally emotionally unavaible, that'd be worrisome.

[twentynine11]

Being hurt and bringing that to his attention is definitely good. You just seem very emotionally raw about it all. Do you struggle with anxiety and being too emotionally raw outside of your relationship, too? If yes, that might be something worth looking into. Also, sorry if I missed it, but is your SO generally an insensitive type or just in the relationship? If he's generally emotionally unavaible, that'd be worrisome.

I'm emotional all the time. I tend to cry at everything. I'm seeing a counselor and have thought about getting my hormones checked. I'm mostly emotional about the my relationship. I get emotional having to deal with co-parent, which is not very often. I get emotional when I make bad grades in college.
My SO is generally emotionally unavailable. He doesn't get worked up about anything. He is a very logical thinker. I've never seen him let his emotions control him. This is a good thing at times, but when it comes to handling mine, he doesn't know how.

[R&R]

I'm emotional all the time. I tend to cry at everything. I'm seeing a counselor and have thought about getting my hormones checked. I'm mostly emotional about the my relationship. I get emotional having to deal with co-parent, which is not very often. I get emotional when I make bad grades in college.
My SO is generally emotionally unavailable. He doesn't get worked up about anything. He is a very logical thinker. I've never seen him let his emotions control him. This is a good thing at times, but when it comes to handling mine, he doesn't know how.

I was glad to read that you are seeing a counselor. Maybe it would be a good idea to have a few "couple sessions" where maybe he can see things from a 3rd parties perspective. It doesn't mean he'll change drastically but if he can see you are working towards getting your emotions under control maybe he could learn to be a little more emotionally open to you.