The Situation that Brought me to this Site

[littleweirdout]

I found this site looking for advice on long distance relationships, and I am glad I found this site because I did find some good advice for the situation I am in.

The situation I am in is that my boyfriend and I rarely talk on the phone and it is driving me crazy. Besides the fact that our schedules are not the same like it used to be, it also has to do with the fact that he is barely in the mood to talk on the phone.

I have told him how important it is to me to have phone time but he still does not answer the phone to give me a second of his time. I try calling him during the times he's awake, but he told me over text that I keep on calling him at the wrong times.

I read on this site that it is naturally for phone time to die down after being with someone for some time (I have been with my SO for a little over a year and a half). I also read that if your SO does not give you much attention as they used to, that it does not mean they love you any less. Reading all that gave me some relief, but I am still paranoid that after some time we will drift apart because my SO is too stubborn to give me some phone time.

I think it is the fact that he ignores my calls is what keeps my paranoia around. I recently gave up trying to call him and told him if he ever wants to talk on the phone what times I am available to talk everyday. Since I told him that, I know that I am not going to be hearing from him soon and during this time I will be evaluating wither or not I want to stay in this LDR since he's not willing to give me any some phone time.

Besides that we do text each other daily and he feels that texting is as good as talking. I did tell him that for me texting is not the same as talking on the phone. I am going to stop texting him to see if that provokes him to call me.

Am I doing the right thing or am I just over reacting for no reason? Should I even be paranoid?

Some background info that might affect the type of advice I might get:
-He used to put aside one evening a week to talk to me when we had similar schedules
-His schedule changed after he came back from visiting his new born nephew over a weekend (He's nephew is in Alabama and my SO lives in Washington DC)
-Now that our schedules are different he is not free anymore to talk in the evenings
-I used to try calling him around lunch time EST which is morning time PST for me, which is right before I have to get up for work

[Zephii]

It's about compromise and he needs to realise that. I'm not sure if not texting him will work or not, but wish you the best of luck!

[nicole]

It's about compromise and he needs to realise that. I'm not sure if not texting him will work or not, but wish you the best of luck!

exactly, it seems like your making all the effort here, even if its just one night a week, he should put aside some time to talk to you. What about weekends? In this day and age, with the technology we have, there isn't much excuse for NO contact whatsoever, even if it's just a short pm on facebook if he really can't answer the phone. Next time you talk to him, you need to tell him what you are feeling and come up with a solution, because this won't go away by just ignoring it.

[Rosebud]

I think you really need to let him know how much this is affecting you. If just saying how important phone calls are to you isn't working, then I think you need to let him know that you won't be walked on over, and that there needs to be some kind of compromise or that you WILL consider ending the relationship. If he's honestly unable to call you as often as you would like, then there's little that can be done about that, but it is very important that he at least pay attention to your needs and make time for you since you should be important to him and he should want to try to make these little things work. Maybe instead of every week switching it to a call every two weeks, or perhaps you would be open to very short phone calls that didn't take up too much time, just to show that he's putting some effort in keeping contact with you in a way that is very meaningful to you.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but it is a two-way street and communication about what you both need and expect out of your relationship should be top priority. Best of luck!

[leonina]

Just tell him that you need some phone time to make this relationship work. Maybe you guys can try to find some time between your busy schedules that would be regular enough to set up a good phone time. He needs to meet you halfway in this so tell him your expectations. A phone call or two a week is not difficult to achieve.

[paulawriteslove]

I understand how hard conflicting schedules can be. But you need to let your SO know that you're tired of putting all the effort into the relationship. Is there any day of the week he is free? Because you two can have an 'us day.' Best of luck!

[Silviar]

I'm going to chime in and say how much I agree with the above posters. there needs to be some sort of compromise!

[littleweirdout]

Thank you everyone for the great advice! I haven't talked to my boyfriend on the phone yet but when he does call me I will bring up the fact that we need a compromise.

[Karringtyn]

definitely need a compromise...

I am glad you found this site though...very supportive people!