Does it really matter who visits first?

[hmrambling]

In my previous LDR, I found that when my ex traveled, even though she did so voluntarily because she had more time available to travel, she soon was resentful because she traveled more than I did. When we had arguments, she was quick to bring up how she traveled more, or gave more of her time. She quickly turned into a martyr regarding the time she spent traveling in comparison to the time that I had to travel. So, it may not always be the case that the person with the time should travel. I had the financial means, she had the time. In the end, it did not work out.

My current SO and I met in the middle when we first met. We alternate back and forth, and when one of us has a more pressing schedule, the other will travel to accommodate that schedule. It really depends on the couple.

I understand your family's position that the guy should travel to see you. Traditional courting would have the male go to the girl. Sometimes tradition is good. It would be an excellent demonstration of his interest in you if he were to visit you first.

[Miasmata]

There is definitely a difference between "be careful, you are more at risk as a woman" and "he HAS to come first because he's the man!" - I don't agree with the latter at all, but the former is sadly true and important.

[Moon]

There is definitely a difference between "be careful, you are more at risk as a woman" and "he HAS to come first because he's the man!" - I don't agree with the latter at all, but the former is sadly true and important.

Very true, but perhaps the actual wording, and it's subsequent interpretation are slightly different Can happen easily! My mother though, she definitely believes in very traditional gender roles, there's somewhat of a generation gap but she's a baby boomer, and I'm sure SteelAngel's parents are much younger. My mom absolutely cannot fathom that I'm happy being single, and am perfectly fine without "a man around the house", it blows her mind. She always thinks that when my guy visits, he should be doing shit like weatherizing my house, or fixing stuff "Men's work" She also blasts my brother's wife when *my brother* forgets someone's birthday, or an appointment or something. "That's the woman's job to handle"! she exclaims indignantly every time Having a parent who's thinking is so much different than yours can be incredibly frustrating, especially when there's a generation gap, but you mostly can't change their way of thinking, you just have to figure out how to get around it as painlessly as possible.

[Redheart14]

The one who has the chance to visit first. Setbacks can mean waiting extra months or years, who ever has the chance to go takes it. Regardless of their gender.

[TheSteelAngel]

Very true, but perhaps the actual wording, and it's subsequent interpretation are slightly different Can happen easily! My mother though, she definitely believes in very traditional gender roles, there's somewhat of a generation gap but she's a baby boomer, and I'm sure SteelAngel's parents are much younger. My mom absolutely cannot fathom that I'm happy being single, and am perfectly fine without "a man around the house", it blows her mind. She always thinks that when my guy visits, he should be doing shit like weatherizing my house, or fixing stuff "Men's work" She also blasts my brother's wife when *my brother* forgets someone's birthday, or an appointment or something. "That's the woman's job to handle"! she exclaims indignantly every time Having a parent who's thinking is so much different than yours can be incredibly frustrating, especially when there's a generation gap, but you mostly can't change their way of thinking, you just have to figure out how to get around it as painlessly as possible.

My parents are baby boomers as well, and they do think like this. My mom especially is very traditional and can be very sexist, but she never did say anything about me being at risk as a woman. She just said that he should come first because he's the man, which is very outdated and wrong as many of you have said.

[TaraMarie]

My parents are baby boomers as well, and they do think like this. My mom especially is very traditional and can be very sexist, but she never did say anything about me being at risk as a woman. She just said that he should come first because he's the man, which is very outdated and wrong as many of you have said.

For the record, I am also a baby boomer (made it by three months!). I don't believe he should go first because he's the man. Actually, for three years I was the only one in my relationship to travel, however I understand the safety issue. I have a daughter three years older than TSA and I would be so worried for her if she traveled to a man she didn't know. Which I why I understand your parents wanting him to come to you first. I guess they would feel as if you have more control that way.

Also for the record, I love when my SO does "manly" things around my house!