Hi guys, I really need some advice as soon as possible, as my emotional state is not very good right now.
I've been talking to this girl online for 2 years. We fell totally in love with each other and talked every single day since we met. We skyped so much and stayed up late so often. A few months ago I was diagnosed with bipolar and during the past few months I sometimes decided to skip my medication. This led to horrible fights with her and I said the worst things imaginable to her on texts. She knew it was all to do with bipolar so she always forgave me, but it happened so often that our relationship was all fights and never really good. Sometimes we would stop texting each other for a few days and I would wonder if she was ever coming back. But she would always text me after the 5th or 6th day saying she misses me and asked can we talk. It was like this for a good few months, until two weeks ago when I went into "crazy mode" again and text her a million things, calling her the worst things possible, mostly because she was ignoring me on purpose.
A few days later I apologized to her and she talked to me, but she told me how hurt she was this time. We went on skype and she told me that she wanted to take a break from me. I was really hurt because I knew it probably meant that she wasn't going to come back. But I agreed on the break and it lasted 5 days until I text her out of desperation. My mind just kept imagining that she was going to meet someone else and forget about me because I'm such a nasty person because of my bipolar. So I text her telling her I love her so much and to please come back. It was a big mistake because she told me to come on skype. She was so angry and yelling at me and telling me this is exactly the reason why she needed a break, because I was so needy and she felt suffocated by me. I understand her completely, I do...but it hurt so so much hearing her speak this way, telling me that she doesn't have the same feelings for me like she used to and it's due to all the sh*t that went on this past few months. She finally told me that she didn't want any contact until she came back from her vacation.
She doesn't go for another 4 weeks, which means we wouldn't be in contact for 6 weeks. We've never gone longer than a week without missing each other and texting each other, but this time it really seems like she's over me, like she really wants to get away from me...And it's breaking my heart because I literally can't imagine my life without her. I have nothing good going for me in my life. She WAS my life. She was the best thing I had for so long, and now I feel like it's gone and I feel so alone. I don't know how to "move on" without her. I don't know how to wake up each day and find meaning in the days ahead, knowing that she may not even come back to me after 6 weeks. If anything she is probably going to forget me by then. What do I do? How do I find happiness with myself? Because all I feel is utter pain and a tightening in my chest. I feel like I need her to breath and now I can't do anything about it because nothing I say to her will bring her back to me right now. Please help me...
I've been talking to this girl online for 2 years. We fell totally in love with each other and talked every single day since we met. We skyped so much and stayed up late so often. A few months ago I was diagnosed with bipolar and during the past few months I sometimes decided to skip my medication. This led to horrible fights with her and I said the worst things imaginable to her on texts. She knew it was all to do with bipolar so she always forgave me, but it happened so often that our relationship was all fights and never really good. Sometimes we would stop texting each other for a few days and I would wonder if she was ever coming back. But she would always text me after the 5th or 6th day saying she misses me and asked can we talk. It was like this for a good few months, until two weeks ago when I went into "crazy mode" again and text her a million things, calling her the worst things possible, mostly because she was ignoring me on purpose.
A few days later I apologized to her and she talked to me, but she told me how hurt she was this time. We went on skype and she told me that she wanted to take a break from me. I was really hurt because I knew it probably meant that she wasn't going to come back. But I agreed on the break and it lasted 5 days until I text her out of desperation. My mind just kept imagining that she was going to meet someone else and forget about me because I'm such a nasty person because of my bipolar. So I text her telling her I love her so much and to please come back. It was a big mistake because she told me to come on skype. She was so angry and yelling at me and telling me this is exactly the reason why she needed a break, because I was so needy and she felt suffocated by me. I understand her completely, I do...but it hurt so so much hearing her speak this way, telling me that she doesn't have the same feelings for me like she used to and it's due to all the sh*t that went on this past few months. She finally told me that she didn't want any contact until she came back from her vacation.
She doesn't go for another 4 weeks, which means we wouldn't be in contact for 6 weeks. We've never gone longer than a week without missing each other and texting each other, but this time it really seems like she's over me, like she really wants to get away from me...And it's breaking my heart because I literally can't imagine my life without her. I have nothing good going for me in my life. She WAS my life. She was the best thing I had for so long, and now I feel like it's gone and I feel so alone. I don't know how to "move on" without her. I don't know how to wake up each day and find meaning in the days ahead, knowing that she may not even come back to me after 6 weeks. If anything she is probably going to forget me by then. What do I do? How do I find happiness with myself? Because all I feel is utter pain and a tightening in my chest. I feel like I need her to breath and now I can't do anything about it because nothing I say to her will bring her back to me right now. Please help me...
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