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I need desperate advice, I'm falling apart

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    I need desperate advice, I'm falling apart

    Hi guys, I really need some advice as soon as possible, as my emotional state is not very good right now.

    I've been talking to this girl online for 2 years. We fell totally in love with each other and talked every single day since we met. We skyped so much and stayed up late so often. A few months ago I was diagnosed with bipolar and during the past few months I sometimes decided to skip my medication. This led to horrible fights with her and I said the worst things imaginable to her on texts. She knew it was all to do with bipolar so she always forgave me, but it happened so often that our relationship was all fights and never really good. Sometimes we would stop texting each other for a few days and I would wonder if she was ever coming back. But she would always text me after the 5th or 6th day saying she misses me and asked can we talk. It was like this for a good few months, until two weeks ago when I went into "crazy mode" again and text her a million things, calling her the worst things possible, mostly because she was ignoring me on purpose.

    A few days later I apologized to her and she talked to me, but she told me how hurt she was this time. We went on skype and she told me that she wanted to take a break from me. I was really hurt because I knew it probably meant that she wasn't going to come back. But I agreed on the break and it lasted 5 days until I text her out of desperation. My mind just kept imagining that she was going to meet someone else and forget about me because I'm such a nasty person because of my bipolar. So I text her telling her I love her so much and to please come back. It was a big mistake because she told me to come on skype. She was so angry and yelling at me and telling me this is exactly the reason why she needed a break, because I was so needy and she felt suffocated by me. I understand her completely, I do...but it hurt so so much hearing her speak this way, telling me that she doesn't have the same feelings for me like she used to and it's due to all the sh*t that went on this past few months. She finally told me that she didn't want any contact until she came back from her vacation.

    She doesn't go for another 4 weeks, which means we wouldn't be in contact for 6 weeks. We've never gone longer than a week without missing each other and texting each other, but this time it really seems like she's over me, like she really wants to get away from me...And it's breaking my heart because I literally can't imagine my life without her. I have nothing good going for me in my life. She WAS my life. She was the best thing I had for so long, and now I feel like it's gone and I feel so alone. I don't know how to "move on" without her. I don't know how to wake up each day and find meaning in the days ahead, knowing that she may not even come back to me after 6 weeks. If anything she is probably going to forget me by then. What do I do? How do I find happiness with myself? Because all I feel is utter pain and a tightening in my chest. I feel like I need her to breath and now I can't do anything about it because nothing I say to her will bring her back to me right now. Please help me...

    #2
    It sounds like a good idea that you are not together right now. How are you with your medication now?
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
      It sounds like a good idea that you are not together right now. How are you with your medication now?
      How is it a good idea? I'm miserable without her. She is the only thing that made me happy. I feel like I need her to survive, that's how much pain I am in. I take my medication mostly so I don't message her out of desperation and say the wrong things. But I'm so scared that she won't come back...that she won't miss me and that she will prefer her life without me in it. How do I never see her again...or know her again...I don't want to be here if she isn't in my life because she is literally the one good thing that I had. She made me feel so happy just talking to her...

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        #4
        It was a good thing because you were creating a situation together that made her exhausted and she needs to get strenght from somewhere that is not you. don't you care about how she feels? you make her sound like your energy supply, not a person with her own needs...
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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          #5
          It seems like there needs to be some sort of compromise. She can't be your life source because sooner or later, you will obsess about her so much that it WILL give her the feeling she is controlled by your fears, but at the same time, if you're in a relationship, taking a break from a person for longer than a month doesn't seem healthy, especially if this was decided by one of you guys and not both.

          I understand that being needy constantly is putting a lot of stress on the other person and they might need time off to just relax from constantly worrying about you, but 6 weeks seem like a really long time. The fact that she did react to your messages and did talk to you is a good sign and maybe a sign that you guys can work something out for the vacation problem. I know that if my husband wanted to take that much time off from me, I'd be hurt, because we're supposed to figure things out together and no contact for 6 weeks would make my fears even worse.

          So, what we did, when he needed a break (I used to be very needy at the beginning of our relationship), was that he said he will not contact me for a certain time (a day or two), but if I needed to talk to him, he would not ignore me, just not engage in a conversation. For me this meant, he does love me, he still wants to be with me and if I need to ask something, I could, but it made it very clear that being needy took a toll on him. Our "breaks" never lasted more than 24hrs, but they proved a point.

          I'd suggest waiting for a couple days trying as hard as you can to give her some much needed time off, then telling her that 6 weeks sound like a long time without contact and that she should put herself into your shoes and see how she'd feel if she wasn't allowed to contact you for such a long time and if you could maybe work something out. For example, once a week you get a skype call to catch up on what happened or every 3-4 days you can text her to catch up BUT at the same time, the two week vacation would then be no contact as she is on vacation. See what I mean?

          It's cruel to disallow someone to talk to you in a relationship, we're not kids who did something bad and need to be punished, but you also need to realize, if not taking your medicine makes you do these things, taking your medicine is the best bet to keep this relationship going - no shame in taking medicine, especially if it helps you feel better!!

          Relationship began: 05/22/2012
          First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
          Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
          Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
          Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
          Married: 1/24/2015
          Became Resident: 9/14/2015

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            #6
            Originally posted by alostguy View Post
            How is it a good idea? I'm miserable without her. She is the only thing that made me happy. I feel like I need her to survive, that's how much pain I am in. I take my medication mostly so I don't message her out of desperation and say the wrong things. But I'm so scared that she won't come back...that she won't miss me and that she will prefer her life without me in it. How do I never see her again...or know her again...I don't want to be here if she isn't in my life because she is literally the one good thing that I had. She made me feel so happy just talking to her...
            In all seriousness, you need professional assistance that none of us can provide. The fact that you allow another person to define you, provide your happiness, that you feel that you can't live without her - these are very serious problems. Bi-polar or not, that is not healthy and no way to live.

            A common quote is "Never put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket". You are 22 years old - not 13. It's time to grow up and sometimes that means seeking out professional help to allow you to search within yourself as to what is causing your unhappiness and to help guide you to find your own happiness as a person. A relationship, whether friendship or romantic, should be there to enhance your life and who you are but not to become your life or define you. You are an individual and right now, you need to focus on you and getting yourself mentally healthy and in a good place.
            To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

            ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

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