Lack of response Restlessness.

[Secrecy]

Anyone have restlessness with their SOs lack of response? Because I do, and I feel silly about it.

As some of you probably know by now, I have the lovely mix of anxiety and depression. I've been working hard to take this ailment on headfirst so I can be the best person I can be, not only for my SO but for myself as well. As a general whole I've been doing leaps and bounds better, but I still have some hiccups here and there. One of the places where I still get really restless is my boyfriend's lack of response and talking throughout the day. I will throw out there that we had split up back in April for a bit, and one of the biggest reasons according to my boyfriend was that he felt "trapped." Our levels of communication differ - I tend to find myself craving more of it while he doesn't like to communicate, at least via text. I know that my neediness for communication from him is largely because of my anxiety, and if there's long periods of silence I get worried that he might be upset and angry. In other words, my mind reels.

Since then, I realized that I needed to gain comfort in my own independence as well as let him communicate more on his terms, which honestly, compared to some people's circumstances on here, really isn't THAT bad. He really does not like text-based communication at all, I've come to realize. For example, today, he's responded to me maybe four times - there are many instances where he will read my text (our messenger shows when the other has read their message) and he will either not respond back or it will be hours until he does so, and when he does respond it's not unusual for the responses to be one word answers. THAT BEING SAID, he does call and/or Skype me most nights (there might be three nights or something out of the week where he won't because he was out with friends or something, and will just give me a quick goodnight text), so even if he didn't respond to my texts throughout the day, he still talks to me.

I noticed since I've been less hard on him returning my texts, as well as bombarding him with my own, and not being as frustrated when he wouldn't call me at night, he's definitely seemed a lot happier. I'm happy that I'm finally doing the right thing and allowing him to stay more in his comfort zone while being able to appreciate the lack of communication, but I still find that I have bouts where I get incredibly restless when he doesn't respond back, especially when it shows he read the message. I don't tend to show him my restlessness anymore, because I know it's mostly in my head.

Anyone else have this problem?

[Mims27]

Yeah I'm guilty of that same anxiety when it comes to waiting for texts. It's stupid but I just can't help it sometimes.
I never (or very rarely) make people wait when replying so I just assume they should do the same...wrong. Something I should definitely work on and your post kind of opened my eyes to it. Because you basically described my feelings to a T. lol

[hmrambling]

For example, today, he's responded to me maybe four times - there are many instances where he will read my text (our messenger shows when the other has read their message) and he will either not respond back or it will be hours until he does so, and when he does respond it's not unusual for the responses to be one word answers. THAT BEING SAID, he does call and/or Skype me most nights (there might be three nights or something out of the week where he won't because he was out with friends or something, and will just give me a quick goodnight text), so even if he didn't respond to my texts throughout the day, he still talks to me.

How many times a day do you text?

For me, I appreciate that we talk each evening... but we seldom text more than once or twice per day. I know there is a big age difference between OP and myself, so that is probably a contributing factor. But for me, there is nearly a scale of importance for communication. For me, it's more important (and probably more valuable) that I close out the day by a phone call to or from my partner. From day one, we began 'checking in'. We each talk about our day. I think it really has helped our relationship because we take the time to talk each evening. When we talk, I think about how each of us set aside time in our day to dedicate to the phone call and that in itself causes the phone call to be valuable to the relationship.

However, texts. Texts are a different story. It doesn't take long to compose or answer a text. We say 'good morning' to each other by text. Then, texting is pretty much done. Every once in a while I'll get or send a text saying that I'm thinking about her, or send her a picture of my lunch. But it's not every day or all day. Four text responses in a day would probably be a lot of texting for us.

I will say this, though... when my mind goes reeling and I feel anxious about something, I talk to her about it. When we talk on the phone in the evening, I say, "I've been having a party in my head..." And then I explain or describe what is going on. Most of the time, I ask a question regarding whatever I am thinking or want clarification about or feedback about. So, if I wanted a more timely response, I would ask for a more timely response. She might say she was busy, or explain what she was doing or why she didn't respond or she might agree that she will try to respond more timely in the future. Whatever her response, it usually breaks up that party in my head.

Communication goes a long way. Being direct and open helps relationships.

ETA:
Have you tried the 5 love languages? If each of you answer those questions, it might help you guys communicate with each other. For us, we both had 'quality time' at the top of the list... so I'm not terribly surprised that we each value setting aside time to talk to each other in the evenings.

[differentcountries]

I will say generally, I text more than he does. He doesn't always reply. But I try to give him the benifit of the doubt. Mostly our texting are one of two:

1. I love you/miss you
2. I am doing this and that...when can we Skype?

Especially in high season, any texting beyond that is really pointless. He won't registrer and he on his side will not share. Today, I told him that I had had a strange dream (I have a cold, which makes me feel weird even when I sleep). One month ago, that would have given no response. Today he actually asked about my dream. But we generally tend to do the more complicted communication on Skype. He is not much of a writer, so half of our "texts" are pictures and emicons, anyway! I have learned to flow with his season and approach him less in high season, and with more specific purpose when I do. It seems to calm him down and I get less dissapointed.