GeeHoweverI'm having a hard time with my boyfriendwas new at the moment...
I kinda feel like it's the same old song and dance, but here goes. My boyfexternalriend moved from a very large city to a city much smaller. He moved with his parents, as he did not have the funds nor job means to live on his own. He has since managed to snag a job in a vape store, as he was a hobbyiest vaper, and is now steps away from being the manager of the place - we hope this will mean a good enough pay increase to get his ducks in order and be able to live independently on his own, get his own car, etc.
However, since moving to this new city, he has clearly began to stagnate. He was used to living in a very large, bustling city with lots of external stimuli, things to do, places to see, etc. He could keep himself entertained, whether with people or by himself. He was a person who talked about a lot of things, showed interest in a lot of things, and was a vibrant personality.
Since moving, however, that all changed. As he was new to the area, he was friendless, but working in a vape store caused him to make friends with people who are also hardcore hobbyist vapers. His life has become vape-centric, and he spends all of his time at the store (he works almost 7 days a week), and when he's not at the store or when he just gets off, he spends all his time until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning with these vape friends he's met... mostly one in particular who he isn't super fond of, but says he spends time with the most because he's the closest and it's "something to do." He can't converse about anything unless it's vape-related. Essentially, his life IS vaping.
He's complained to me that he hates this - he loves vaping but hates working in the industry. He complains that he doesn't like how all he hears about is vaping from the people he knows, and he wants more, but he's having a hard time finding other venues to make friends. It's killing his passion for his hobby, but this is his best opportunity fora good paying job, so he keeps with it. He also complains about the city in which he lives, saying that he is incredibly bored with it, with life, fed up with everything, and is more or less showing textbook signs of situational depression.
This is why he can't stay alone by himself - he has to keep himself busy because he's going mad where he is. It's why he puts up with the monotony his vape friends bring to the table because at least it's something to do.
The problem is that in all this desperation to keep himself so busy that he forgets where he is... He also frequently forgets me. I don't expect him to call me every night, but I've asked him of he could make it a priority to call me at least three nights a week. I'll ask of he can call, he'll say yes, but then he sometimes (sometimes not) ends up staying out too late and I have to go to sleep if I don't want to be a zombie the next day. Or he'll come home and fall asleep. In other words, he only keeps his promise if it's convenient to him.
While I'm trying to be patient because I understand how bad he's emotionally hurting, and I know what emotional pain does to a person (clinical depression here) I still find myself oftentimes hurt by the lack of a priority I feel that I have, and that I am forced to wait around for him to make his decision to call, hopefully at a decent hour. Some weeks are better than others, some aren't so good.
I miss my old boyfriend - I miss his spark and fire and his curiosity and quick wit that wasn't bogged down by depression. I miss him being able to converse about anything and everything - he seems not to be able to understand how to talk about anything besides vaping now. (The very thing he complains about in his friends.) I feel like he wants so much more but is in the worst rut I've ever seen him in. And I miss when I didn't feel like I was left in the dark.
I want to do everything to be there for him but I don't know what to do guys. He's not a naturally depressed individual - I don't know if he knows how to handle this.
I kinda feel like it's the same old song and dance, but here goes. My boyfexternalriend moved from a very large city to a city much smaller. He moved with his parents, as he did not have the funds nor job means to live on his own. He has since managed to snag a job in a vape store, as he was a hobbyiest vaper, and is now steps away from being the manager of the place - we hope this will mean a good enough pay increase to get his ducks in order and be able to live independently on his own, get his own car, etc.
However, since moving to this new city, he has clearly began to stagnate. He was used to living in a very large, bustling city with lots of external stimuli, things to do, places to see, etc. He could keep himself entertained, whether with people or by himself. He was a person who talked about a lot of things, showed interest in a lot of things, and was a vibrant personality.
Since moving, however, that all changed. As he was new to the area, he was friendless, but working in a vape store caused him to make friends with people who are also hardcore hobbyist vapers. His life has become vape-centric, and he spends all of his time at the store (he works almost 7 days a week), and when he's not at the store or when he just gets off, he spends all his time until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning with these vape friends he's met... mostly one in particular who he isn't super fond of, but says he spends time with the most because he's the closest and it's "something to do." He can't converse about anything unless it's vape-related. Essentially, his life IS vaping.
He's complained to me that he hates this - he loves vaping but hates working in the industry. He complains that he doesn't like how all he hears about is vaping from the people he knows, and he wants more, but he's having a hard time finding other venues to make friends. It's killing his passion for his hobby, but this is his best opportunity fora good paying job, so he keeps with it. He also complains about the city in which he lives, saying that he is incredibly bored with it, with life, fed up with everything, and is more or less showing textbook signs of situational depression.
This is why he can't stay alone by himself - he has to keep himself busy because he's going mad where he is. It's why he puts up with the monotony his vape friends bring to the table because at least it's something to do.
The problem is that in all this desperation to keep himself so busy that he forgets where he is... He also frequently forgets me. I don't expect him to call me every night, but I've asked him of he could make it a priority to call me at least three nights a week. I'll ask of he can call, he'll say yes, but then he sometimes (sometimes not) ends up staying out too late and I have to go to sleep if I don't want to be a zombie the next day. Or he'll come home and fall asleep. In other words, he only keeps his promise if it's convenient to him.
While I'm trying to be patient because I understand how bad he's emotionally hurting, and I know what emotional pain does to a person (clinical depression here) I still find myself oftentimes hurt by the lack of a priority I feel that I have, and that I am forced to wait around for him to make his decision to call, hopefully at a decent hour. Some weeks are better than others, some aren't so good.
I miss my old boyfriend - I miss his spark and fire and his curiosity and quick wit that wasn't bogged down by depression. I miss him being able to converse about anything and everything - he seems not to be able to understand how to talk about anything besides vaping now. (The very thing he complains about in his friends.) I feel like he wants so much more but is in the worst rut I've ever seen him in. And I miss when I didn't feel like I was left in the dark.
I want to do everything to be there for him but I don't know what to do guys. He's not a naturally depressed individual - I don't know if he knows how to handle this.
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