Scared and upset.

[c_denise3]

Babe recently got a new job, which will make job #2. He hasn't started making money from his new job and it's putting him in a financial strain. He's also living at his dad's house where his cell service is very shitty. He gets easily frustrated when technology doesn't work especially when he really wants to talk to me. Over the last few days, he has allowed the stresses in his life to really bring him down, which has made him act very odd towards me.

A while back, he got cold feet about our relationship. We broke up temporarily, but it didn't last long. He realized his love for me was too strong to let me go over something so petty as uncertainty. Ever since then, I have been terrified that he's going to get cold feet again, especially when he gets into these moods where instead of fighting technology, we just don't talk. He says his frustration has nothing to do with me, which I knew, but I still have this paranoia that he will get cold feet again, and this time, we will be done for good. I love him so much and I'm bawling just typing this out.

Might I add that he is leaving for bootcamp at the end of January so our relationship is about to have another mountain to climb. I plan to move to his hometown after I graduate in May so I can be there when he gets to come home for leave and weekend visits. I don't know, I'm just scared. I try my best to make him happy when he's feeling this low, but I almost feel like my efforts make no difference.

We want nothing but to be together all the time, but we don't want to rush into marriage. Next month will be our 8 month anniversary and we will celebrate our one year when he is in bootcamp. We love each other so much and the distance kills us. I just hope that we can remain strong through these minor changes.

Has anyone else dealt with this?

[differentcountries]

Sure, everyone deals with life getting in the way.

You have not dated a year, and you already broke up once. He is not financially secure. Unless you have a very good reason to move to his town (a job, friends or family living there). please don't. it is fine that he loves you, but he also has to be able to deal with himself and the relationship in a constructive way.

[c_denise3]

Thank you.

Our break up lasted all of an hour, so I don't really considered it much of a break up. Nonetheless, he was having doubts because of the military and he thought he was going to hold me back. It was just uncertainty and he was also scared.

As for the move, it is still not 100% set in stone. I do have friends there, but he won't be there because he'll be in training for the military, so I almost don't see a point of isolating myself 2.5 hours away from my family to live somewhere where I only know a handful of people. I'm still weighing the pros and cons, but this is going to be an interesting turn in our relationship. I just pray things fall into place for us.

[sasad]

I'm not sure what part of VA... But Lordy, please think before you get into the mess out here for sure ...that and the higher cost of living ..
Yea... I wouldn't call that a break up either. More of a heat of the moment type spat.

It will be hard, but if he is joining the military, chances are he won't be stationed in WVA. He will also have very limited contact, if any while in basic training,, That will also be another separation. The best you can do, is be there for him, support him, but also make sure you are getting that in return. Just remember that you are not responsible for his happiness anymore then he is for yours. Resp ct and being able to talk things through are key.
All of us have separation anxiety here. Best we can do is support each other, talk some of us down from the ledges we get on.
Go talk to him face to face if you can.

[c_denise3]

He lives in Fredericksburg, VA, which is currently 2.5 hours away from my hometown in West Virginia. I know there's nowhere for him to be stationed in WVa, it will most likely be somewhere along the coast.

I'll still be finishing up my masters degree while he's in basic training, so I'll still be living at home. I graduate May 1st, and will be deciding upon where to relocate shortly after. The job market in my field is excellent in Virginia, that's why I was planning a move to either his home town (Fredericksburg) or Harrisonburg (which is an hour away and I have family there.)

Once he is done with basic, he will (hopefully) get some time home before he gets shipped to South Carolina for school. Part of me feels as though moving to Harrisonburg with family would be the better choice, and just visit him like I do now when he comes in for leave and weekend visits. I've never experienced dating a person in the military, and I know it will be difficult but I have to remind myself that it his time in the military is not permanent.

I plan to discuss this with him when I see him next weekend! Thanks again!

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Do you really think that a two hour move is going to change anything when he'll only be home for visits? If you ask me, go where YOU want to go. Do not base this decision off of your relationship. Yes, it is an hour closer than your hometown, but is that really that big of a difference when you won't be able to see him on a regular basis anyways?

[c_denise3]

Believe me, I know how it sounds and I have been debating with myself on whether or not it would be the right choice for me. Personally, I'd rather move to the town that's closer to home and where I have family and just visit him when he comes in for visits. Since I won't be seeing him on a regular basis, it would be a little odd for me to isolate myself like that.

I just don't want to upset him if I change my mind about moving to his hometown, although I know he will be understanding.

[sasad]

I agree.. Moving to Harrisonburg isn't a bad choice. I live about 30 min from the 'burg now..
I would wait till after May like you mentioned and see where the jobs are gonna take you. Good planning.

[c_denise3]

I have family in Harrisonburg that I could live with til I get on my feet. My SO won't even be in Fredericksburg, but he thinks that being on my own will "shape" me. I don't think it matters if I'm in Fredericksburg, or Harrisonburg, if I'm not in my parents house, I am on my own, working, and paying bills, regardless if it is only renting a room in a family members house.

I'm just beginning to get frustrated because he is in this weird mood which is making him very distant. If I acted this way towards him, he would be losing his mind. When I go see him this coming weekend, we are definitely discussing this because this is not okay. I would never distance myself from him if I was in a mood. He is always the person I want to lean on, yet I feel like he's pushing me away. It's making my decision about not moving to his hometown that much easier. Granted, I'm saying this while I'm upset.