Confused and at a loss

[Unicorn26]

No worries. When I got married I intended it to be for life. When it didn't happen that way I felt like a failure. I had to grieve. I've been separated for years but I am still not divorced yet. My ex has not been a place mentally to process that yet but thankfully now he is, so we are now starting mediation and hopefully once we agree on everything the divorce will be quick and clean.

My SO knows and accepts this. I have been completely honest with him all the way through. I do not consider that I had an affair because my ex had already left and we were separated before things moved on with SO. I hate that I'm still married though. If I could have made things happen more quickly then I would have. But I had to think about my children, they need a father and he would have almost certainly had a breakdown if I had pushed for a quick divorce and dragged up all the abuse through the courts. I wasn't able to deal with it myself either, I wasn't strong enough.

I guess all I'm saying is every marriage is different, each break up is unique. Nothing is completely black and white. However, back to the OP I do think this is a very bad situation. She needs to separate completely if that's what she wants. Until then I would steer clear. Jumping straight from one relationship into another is a disaster waiting to happen. She will need time alone to heal in order to be a truly healthy person.

[sasad]

Again, I feel the way I feel, just like you do. I guess my only major issue is that you are a counselor and believe that marriages are forever. That concerns and bothers me a bit as you already have a solution to a problem you are not completely and factually aware of. I applaud counselors and even started my degree to be one.. Just have to be a little flexible as all people and all situations are different.

[oinkpig329]

There are many ways I could reply to this, but I think the key thing here is that almost any person commenting in this forum here is providing a solution to a problem they are not completely and factually aware of, it's the nature of the beast, and is what each poster should know when they start a thread. This is also the same thing you are doing to me, since you don't know me personally, or how I go about counseling. I think in the end we all mean well, and are here to help each other figure out these long distance things. I wish you the best in pursuing your degree.