Hi, i'm new here, but i really, really need advice :(

[Anonymouse55]

****...for real... It just doesn't seem logical to me, at all

She told me that the only thing that keeps us apart is that she has feeling for him, and the only suggestions I get is to just quit.. I'm so angry. How can one give up just because there's an obstacle? Is it just me? ..

[spanglishjoe]

****...for real... It just doesn't seem logical to me, at all

She told me that the only thing that keeps us apart is that she has feeling for him, and the only suggestions I get is to just quit.. I'm so angry. How can one give up just because there's an obstacle? Is it just me? ..

It's not you, it's just life. Nobody's telling you that you can't try, it's your decision. But I'd say at the very least, you should consider keeping your options open. You're 22 and not in a relationship with this girl. Sometimes life works in mysterious ways. Sometimes it doesn't feel good to realize that. You obviously have a big heart, and there is a girl out there who will appreciate it. Give yourself some time to think on it.

[pizza_heart]

"she told me". Boy, people say things they don't mean. You came here looking for honest opinions, now be honest to yourself. Be angry, not at us, but at the situation you put yourself into. You are not gonna change her feelings for her ex. Your number already played - years ago.

****...for real... It just doesn't seem logical to me, at all

She told me that the only thing that keeps us apart is that she has feeling for him, and the only suggestions I get is to just quit.. I'm so angry. How can one give up just because there's an obstacle? Is it just me? ..

[whatruckus]

Alright. I'm going to be blunt here again, because again, you don't seem to get it.

THIS IS NOT AN "OBSTACLE" YOU MUST "OVERCOME". She doesn't love you. Accept that. This isn't some game. She doesn't love you. She doesn't love you. SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU. She doesn't have feelings for you. What are you not understanding? Nothing you say or do will change her mind. She's hung up on her ex, just the same as you being hung up on her. Her lame ass excuse for saying the only thing standing in between you and her being together is her feelings for her ex, is just that: A LAME EXCUSE. Accept it. She doesn't love you the way you want her to love you.

And yes, I'm starting to think it IS just you. You not wanting to believe or accept, or even acknowledge, that SHE DOESN'T HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU. You can't do anything other than forget being with her. She will never commit to you. She will never be with you. Not as long as she's still hopelessly in love with her ex. I don't understand how this can't be logical for you, or what's so hard to understand that SHE LOVES SOMEONE ELSE. You REFUSE to realize that she has no romantic feelings for you. And she's told you this. You keep hanging on to the stupid, manipulative, "what-if" type things she says to you. She's jerking you around. And, you are naive enough to fall for it.

[Anonymouse55]

Alright. I'm going to be blunt here again, because again, you don't seem to get it.

THIS IS NOT AN "OBSTACLE" YOU MUST "OVERCOME". She doesn't love you. Accept that. This isn't some game. She doesn't love you. She doesn't love you. SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU. She doesn't have feelings for you. What are you not understanding? Nothing you say or do will change her mind. She's hung up on her ex, just the same as you being hung up on her. Her lame ass excuse for saying the only thing standing in between you and her being together is her feelings for her ex, is just that: A LAME EXCUSE. Accept it. She doesn't love you the way you want her to love you.

And yes, I'm starting to think it IS just you. You not wanting to believe or accept, or even acknowledge, that SHE DOESN'T HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU. You can't do anything other than forget being with her. She will never commit to you. She will never be with you. Not as long as she's still hopelessly in love with her ex. I don't understand how this can't be logical for you, or what's so hard to understand that SHE LOVES SOMEONE ELSE. You REFUSE to realize that she has no romantic feelings for you. And she's told you this. You keep hanging on to the stupid, manipulative, "what-if" type things she says to you. She's jerking you around. And, you are naive enough to fall for it.

Thanks a lot, I appreciate it a lot.


but here's the thing, she just told me she does have feelings for me, but she doesn't know what she wants right now... what the hell is going on here???

[Miasmata]

Maybe she's playing you. Maybe she's insecure. Maybe she's saying what you want to hear. None of us can say, we can't read minds.

But, again, she didn't say "Yes, I love you, lets try a relationship". There is no enthusiasm and no expressed interest. She doesn't know if she wants you. Again, she might come around! But that's not something you can influence, or should be hung up on.

Let me repeat: You deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who loves you whole, who enthusiastically expresses their feelings for you, who openly and directly shows that they want a relationship with you. This person doesn't do any of that. You are investing a lot of emotional energy and time to wait on someone who might or might not come around, but who definitely is not showing any expressed enthusiasm for you.

She's not the only person out there. She's not your last your chance at a relationship. You don't need to settle for her, or wait for her. Allow yourself to have higher standards, and to find someone who loves you as much as you love them.

[R&R]

I missed a lot of this since the main thread was deleted. I can see everyone's replies, so I think I get the main idea of what's going on. She's still in love with her ex and had no feelings for you until miraculously yesterday she has some feelings for you. She doesn't know what she should do.

Make it easy for her. Tell her that you are stepping away while she makes this decision. However, make it clear that you are NOT going to just be hanging around waiting. Why should you? Why would you want to be someone's second choice? Why do you want to be the "only good enough if my ex doesn't come back"? Say she does start dating you and her ex comes back - do you really think she's going to stay with you? No, you will be left behind so fast your head will spin. You are a tentative back up plan for her.

Get some self respect. Realize you are worth more than being a second choice, back up relationship. Don't settle.

[whatruckus]

I agree with everyone else. At this point, if now she's all of a sudden saying, "Oh yea, I do have feelings for you." My automatic guess is that she's playing you and using you. Just like I said before.

And like everyone else, I agree that you will always be her SECOND CHOICE compared to her ex.