Tired of being hidden.

[Telephone]

I just wanna give a little update.

Things were going fine for the last two months, him not being with his family too much (not that I mind - I only mind when he's unreachable (and it's his own decision)). But now the time has come for buying the tickets as he's supposed to come to me this summer. Well, summer is getting here slowly, and at first he's been talking about buying tickets in Feb. Promising me that, even. I was partially mad and partially embarrassed, because everytime he promises me stuff about the tickets or him coming here at all I feel as if I'm the one pushing him into it. It feels meh, to be honest. Anyway, Feb is gone, we're onto March and I've decided to let the talk go altogether. I didn't ramble everyday about him buying the tickets, and now I'm going to stop completely. I'm not going to confront him about that. I'm done. He knows I won't be buying my tickets before him, simply because we need to set everything up timewise. I'm still going to apply for a Visa, though; for myself.

All I wanted was some sort of a set date, a real proof we'll be moving forward. It's been more than two years now and I want to know whether we decide to give ourselves a chance or just nip the whole thing right in the bud. He says he'll buy the tickets, but I'm having serious doubts at the moment. It feels like a deja vu with what happened last year - with the exception of him pushing it away now instead of telling me up front.

I'm starting to be a little fed up.

[Telephone]

Another update, I don't really know what for.

The ticket-buying conversation happened again between us and this time I got yet another explanation: that there are issues with his family (as he put it, they "took his passport hostage"). A week ago everything was "much better", he continued to talk about "easing" his family into the whole idea (it's been a year, mind you), and now it's all in shambles. Surprisingly enough, now the only person in the family that didn't have any huge issues with this whole thing so far took the passport. I couldn't bring myself to say anything worth of value; it all sounded so surreal to me I just shrugged, laughed and started being a sarcastic little *BEEP*.

I'm seriously fed up. Big time. I feel like I'm being played on (catfished?) or like he doesn't even want to come here. And quite frankly, I'm stopping to give a crap as well. It's explanation after explanation and - at least how it seems from my POV - no fighting back. I don't even believe him 100% when he says the stuff about the passport anymore. And if it is really true, well, he has bigger problems with his family to deal with. And it seems he's refusing to fight for himself (I'm not even saying "us" at this point) and his rights. Even if he comes here, I - not being the strongest of people, especially when it comes to mental health - can't imagine making any bigger plans with him at the moment. Moving out together to a different country? Please - we can't even meet properly for the first time, let alone start a life together. I just don't think I have the strength to "fight" his family and his passiveness.

Welp.

[R&R]

There are times when we all reach our breaking point. When someone tells us they are going to do something, we expect follow-through. Sometimes things get in the way, but when it is consistent that they don't keep their word or always have excuses, it can be time to move on.

My SO and I dated 6 months and broke up because he was supposed to come see me 3 times and didn't make it. Before the 3rd time, I told him if he didn't show up we were over. I kept my word and ended it. 18 months later we were in contact again. I got the whole story and we finally met 3 months later. We've been back together almost 2 1/2 years.

Remember that you are important too. Honesty is critical. If he can't stand up to his family for himself and for you, maybe it is time to decide what your breaking point is and how much more you really want to deal with.

[differentcountries]

Seriously, if for some reason a family member took my passport, I would just order another one and keep that one out of sight. It sounds fishy.

[sasad]

How old is your so and does he still live at home?????

[Telephone]

He said he will order another one, but there's another thing he needs to do beforehand and that alone might take more than a week. But no info about WHEN he will do that.

He's 23 and he doesn't exactly live with his family; he's studying away from home.

Since he's spilled the beans, I find myself being rather cold to him. He, on the other hand, tries to act as if nothing happened. It annoys me to no end.

[sasad]

Then there is absolutely no reason he shouldn't be coming to see you. He should have his passport and tickets. To let his parents control his actions? Is this the type of person you need?
I am not an ultimatum person, but at some point he needs to stop the bs. He is hurting YOU.

[Telephone]

Last year I could safely say I wasn't an ultimatum person as well. When he didn't come then, I calmly told him that if this happens again this year, we're ending this LDR. I do believe that will be the best (for me and for him). And I plan on staying true to what I've told him. So, in the end, it is his decision. Maybe he thinks I won't call it off? No idea.

Thanks, everyone.

[whatruckus]

I think you should take a look at this thread.

https://members.lovingfromadistance....urning-bridges

Let me know if something seems familiar. And then, maybe you two should talk.

[Telephone]

Thank you.

Of course it seems familiar, simply because it's my SO who posted there. Didn't know about it, now I do (he knew about this thread, though, simply because I wanted to make him see I'm not all that ridiculous while having my doubts + I have nothing to hide. Plus, I suppose, I needed people to tell me whether I actually am being ridiculous with my "demands"). And we do talk about all this a lot; he knows how I feel and I'm more than aware of his attitude towards all this. Thing is, we start to disagree. Or, rather, we agree to a certain degree, and then it falls apart. We've known each other for more than two years now and me being this LDR SO of his has been an issue for his family since the beginning. I've warned him it wasn't going to be easy, seeing the fit his family decided to throw in the past.

We share lots of worries about the whole thing, and that's where my doubts start. If we ever end up being together, obviously I don't need his parents to love me - but I won't lie; I'm not exactly thrilled about being connected to people who might always think of me in a bad way or consider me a horrible choice. If I had my SO's full support, I guess it would be different. As things are right now, I can't imagine moving to a different country with him - it's just there's always this "What if his family convinces him" doubt to everything. And that's a no-go.

He knows I try my best to understand him - and I've told him countless times that I never wanted to be "between" him and his family. Now he's forced to make some sort of a choice. To me, it seems crazy. He's an adult, he's not betraying anyone by trying to live his own life with someone else (be it me or any other girl). I've told him he should fight for himself regardless of what happens to us, simply because I have a feeling his family is not going to let go that easily. But it's his family still and I find it difficult to blame him for wanting to be on good terms with them. I'm extremely torn myself.

Once again, I've told him I'm dropping the talk altogether. I've once again repeated everything I've posted here, made sure he realized I wasn't joking. What he does now is entirely up to him; I won't be asking him to come here, will never beg (what even) and will not prompt him to act anymore. He's not dumb and he knows full well what steps he needs to take to get his passport reissued and come here in the end. Unless he starts the talk, I'm pretty much done. Not planning on sulking for the next few months, so instead I'll just enjoy things as they are right now and keep somewhat cautious about the future.

I'll probably give an update if something changes (for the better or the worse).

Thank you all again!

[HisLittleBear]

My ex was smothered by his parents. It did not last long. We were always fighting about them. He hid me too. I refused to be hidden.

[HisLittleBear]

Another update, I don't really know what for.

The ticket-buying conversation happened again between us and this time I got yet another explanation: that there are issues with his family (as he put it, they "took his passport hostage").

Why the HELL would he carry his passport with him everywhere? That makes no sense that he wouldn't leave it at his house, but instead take it to his parents.

[Telephone]

Another update: we're scheduled to see each other in a month and a half. I find myself being worried something will go wrong with the tickets or there'll be yet another reason that will end up in cancelling the whole thing, but I try to remain positive. Positive and very, very nervous, anxious about everything starting from my voice and ending at my body and so on. But I guess it's a good change nevertheless?

[sasad]

Did he actually book the flight??? Does he have his passport??

[Telephone]

Yes, the tickets are booked. As for the passport, he did send out a request to get it reissued. Now it's another waiting game.