Should we keep going or are we doomed?

[Anomalous1]

I am free to move closer to her but I mentioned in a previous reply it wouldn't be as smart because I have no connections in her area. Over here my gf has an aunts, uncles, her grandma, and lots of family friends. So I figure that it'd be a solid compromise. My parents play a good role in my life. However, I couldn't leave someone I'm into because they want to. My parents know this and they'd never even demand such a thing no matter if they dislike my S.O or not.

[differentcountries]

I am free to move closer to her but I mentioned in a previous reply it wouldn't be as smart because I have no connections in her area. Over here my gf has an aunts, uncles, her grandma, and lots of family friends. So I figure that it'd be a solid compromise. My parents play a good role in my life. However, I couldn't leave someone I'm into because they want to. My parents know this and they'd never even demand such a thing no matter if they dislike my S.O or not.

You call it a compromise, but is it really? Is it something she wants? Does she have Money on her own?

[Anomalous1]

We've discussed it on multiple occasions and she is open to it and she does save up her own money

[honeybunny]

Exactly. I never expected that two grown people can be so insensitive and low. I hate to say it but her parents don't come off as decent human beings at all. I met them, respected them and their daughter. Yet they act this way. Not trying to play victim but geez

I think if you were nice to them I don't understand why they wouldn't like you. If it's simply about sex that's ridiculous as their daughter is old enough to decide if she wants to have sex or not.

[sasad]

I think if you were nice to them I don't understand why they wouldn't like you. If it's simply about sex that's ridiculous as their daughter is old enough to decide if she wants to have sex or not.

Because, as parents, we never want to see our children hurt... Some parents and even SO's or best friends will feel that their child/so/bf has been hurt or slighted or used or whatever and take it out on that person. When you are in that frame of mind, it doesn't matter how nice you are. It's not uncommon for people to strike out when they perceive a hurt or wrong doing. It takes time.

[Anomalous1]

Yes I was pretty nice and respectful. Even made it priority. Never expected this

[R&R]

Because, as parents, we never want to see our children hurt... Some parents and even SO's or best friends will feel that their child/so/bf has been hurt or slighted or used or whatever and take it out on that person. When you are in that frame of mind, it doesn't matter how nice you are. It's not uncommon for people to strike out when they perceive a hurt or wrong doing. It takes time.

This can be very true.

Also, it appears her parents have a certain set of values. Although you and your SO may not share in that value system, this is how she was raised and she had to know if her parents found out, they would be irate. Her parents are also not going to blame her as much as you as they will perceive you as the "one who led her astray". Though I'm sure it was consensual, by her not abiding by how she was raised will also make them feel as if they have failed as parents in this aspect. Unfortunately, it's not always a cut and dry as stating that she is an adult and can do what she wants - there can be consequences for the actions.

[Anomalous1]

I know what you mean because my parents have Christian values. However, I'm fairly open with them when it comes to intercourse. They don't applaud it, but they don't punish me either.

[R&R]

I know what you mean because my parents have Christian values. However, I'm fairly open with them when it comes to intercourse. They don't applaud it, but they don't punish me either.

Her parents and your parents obviously have very different parenting styles. She knows what her choices are and will have to decide. She may not be ready to stand up to her folks. It doesn't make her bad or mean she doesn't love you but it does mean that now is not the right time for your relationship to continue.

[differentcountries]

This whole problem comes from her living at home. It can make parents think their grown children are kids that needs to be shaperoned. But unless she has money on her own for college, she may be financially dependant on her parents even if she is an adult.

[Anomalous1]

Her parents are just a different breed I guess because lots of people live at home between ages 19-25 and don't exactly get chaperoned

[Honour]

It took awhile for my parents to realise I'm not the little girl anymore. Parents just find it hard to let their kids grow up when they reach a certain age, I don't think they mean deliberately to stifle their kids, it's just their nurturing nature.