Loneliness and Empty Apartment

[catlady]

So...I see my OH about once a month but this time he couldn't come over in January because the flights had gotten crazy expensive. The same will happen in March seeing as it has St Patrick's Day and the centenary of Easter Rising 1916 in the last two weekends of that month. He'll be here February 26 and in between then and mid April, when I'm going to go over to see him, I'll be alone in my apartment.

The issue for me is that I can't move over permanently just yet because I've another 2,5 years to go to complete my Ph.D. When I first started my research I wasn't in this relationship yet, nor did I live on my own.
Right now the house just feels so very empty, especially at night when I try to go to sleep, this often stops me from falling asleep easily and I'm now sleeping rather uneasily, waking up several times each night.

I'm nowhere near my family (all in the Netherlands) and my best friends from work have all recently moved away. I'm not the most sociable person and quite picky when it comes to people I like and want to spend time with. As a result, it now feels like I'm stuck in a rut, I work full-time and study part-time, so during the week I work all day, then go home to eat, study some, and then talk to my OH on Skype. In the weekends I'm either doing more writing or I'm busying myself with shopping, laundry, et cetera.

I'm pretty sure that the dismal weather of late (storm Henry is making his presence known right now) plus the early-ish onset of darkness are not contributing to my general mood at all. I'm just worried that I'm now scaring off my OH with my mood. I'm always happy to see him on Skype and to be able to talk to him but...I just really miss him being physically present at the moment.

When at home near my family I would normally go spend time with them to put my mind off things but right now I don't have that option. I try to study as much as I can but it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to focus on that and to motivate myself.

Does anyone ever get that way? I feel like I'm being overly moody and should get over myself, and normally I'm quite a cheerful person but I just simply can't bring myself to it at the moment yet I desperately want to get out of this dark, lonely place.

[differentcountries]

It sounds like you perhaps don't like to live on your own. Perhaps take in a flat-mate, or a house pet? SO was terribley lonely before we started with the cats. At that point we too saw each other once a month. After a while he took in a flatmate as well.

Is the storm called Henry over there? We call it Thor. The early onset of darkness is crappy, but from now on it can only be better.

It sounds like part of your loneliness comes simply from the extensive workload that you have. Do you have any PhD gatherings in which you can meet other students? Lectures to attend or something of the kind? Perhaps you could sometimes go out someplace to meet new people, I mean what did you used to do for fun in the Netherlands?

[catlady]

I've lived here on my own for a year and a half now and I don't usually mind being alone. It's only the last few months that it has started to bother me more.

I have a cat. He's live entertainment a lot of the time when chasing shadows or the laser pointer.

Yes, it's called Henry, the previous one was called Gertrude, they're naming them alphabetically, alternating between male and female names.
As of last week it's no longer dark when I am on my way home from work, when I get a ride from one of my colleagues it's even quite bright by the time I get home. It's getting better, and lighter, outside as well as my general mood.

I've a deadline mid April so I'm working towards that at the moment, it does make for long hours of work and study combined. I try to go out every so often to go see a castle or just to have a cup of coffee somewhere with someone.

I don't have an awful lot of lectures to attend. I'm in my third year of part-time study and basically I need to have a chat with my supervisors about once a month and attend whatever lectures seem interesting. There haven't been a lot of the latter as of late.

Back in the Netherlands I used to go out with friends to go shopping or have drinks and I went riding (horses) once a week. I do miss that but as I haven't got a car or a driver's license it's impossible for me to get to any of the nearby stables, none have bus stops or train stations close by.

I do try to keep in touch with my family back home, phoning them every so often. Helps lift my mood and in the case of my granddad it cheers him up too.

OH is coming over at the end of this month. Very much looking forward to that!

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I get that way too. The more I keep to myself, the worse it gets. I never feel like talking to people or going out but those are the moments I need it the most. Do you have people that you can go grab a drink with even though your best friends have moved away? Just some social activities would do you good! You could also skype with friends from home? That always makes me feel better when I can't physically go and see someone!

[differentcountries]

Back in the Netherlands I used to go out with friends to go shopping or have drinks and I went riding (horses) once a week. I do miss that but as I haven't got a car or a driver's license it's impossible for me to get to any of the nearby stables, none have bus stops or train stations close by.

I do try to keep in touch with my family back home, phoning them every so often. Helps lift my mood and in the case of my granddad it cheers him up too.

OH is coming over at the end of this month. Very much looking forward to that!

Perhaps you could go out for drinks with some of your co-workers? Even if they are not best friend material it is nice with a change of scenery. Perhaps you could find a different hobby/workout, if you have acess to bus you could probably get around for that. At least meeting some new people may be refreshing. I recently started in a new yoga centre where I hardly know anybody (because my old one closed down), it felt very strange at first but now I am starting to feel like I fit in there and I tried several types of classes so I know which ones I would like to attend.

I used to feel a bit lonely when I was sick, then I would sometimes just go to the grocery store or order a tea at a cafee to read my book, just to get the feeling that there's people around me. I have also done that on my long visits to SO (I had two month long visits to him), because he worked a lot so he did not have much time for me even if I could hang at his workplace.

[catlady]

I try to go out more often. As part of that I now make a point of going sight-seeing at least once a month with one of my work colleagues, just to get out of the house and away from being surrounded by the same things and people all day.

I should probably try to go out for a drink or something with (work) people in the weekends, not really done so since my friends moved away to be honest. I'm not one to surround myself with a lot of friends or to make friends quickly, I typically only have a handful of people I feel like I can really talk to and feel comfortable being around.