Please help! What should I do???

[Chris516]

Not quite sure what this even adds to the thread to be honest. I don't think the OP is anything like your ex.

In the 'phone' sense it definitely isn't the same. But in the sense of repeated attempts at 'communication', it is the same. Because, It would be one thing to 'contact' an SO in an emergency. But it is an entirely different matter when an SO makes repeated attempts at 'contact' in a short span of time, over non-emergency issues.

[kirsten119229]

In the 'phone' sense it definitely isn't the same. But in the sense of repeated attempts at 'communication', it is the same. Because, It would be one thing to 'contact' an SO in an emergency. But it is an entirely different matter when an SO makes repeated attempts at 'contact' in a short span of time, over non-emergency issues.

I think you may need to read my OP again.

At no point did I say in my original post that i make repeated attempts to contact annyone. I was merely saying that not being contacted for hours upon end can be very isolating.
And why is it not OK to make 'repated attempts at communication?' He's my boyfriend after all! I just want to talk thats all. I don't need a text every second. Just something to make me feel wanted and loved. I don't expect 'repeated contact' from him, but I do expect at least SOME contact.

[whatruckus]

I'm still not understanding your point Chris. She has a right to want to talk to her SO and a right to get pissed when he doesn't respond to her...at all...for like 16 hours (and then he probably goes to sleep).

I didn't see her mention that she even gets a quick text from him that says, "Sorry, babe, I'm a little busy today. Love you!" Takes not even 15 seconds to type a text like that. Especially since most phones have built-in auto-predictions (my keyboard does and I use SwiftKey and I know iPhones have their own versions too).

[80anthea]

I maybe getting you confused with someone else so apologies if I am. Are you the person whose SO dumped them before a visit as he'd kissed his best friend and decided he liked her more? If so, then is this why you are so anxious about him being out with friends?

[whatruckus]

I maybe getting you confused with someone else so apologies if I am. Are you the person whose SO dumped them before a visit as he'd kissed his best friend and decided he liked her more? If so, then is this why you are so anxious about him being out with friends?

She is, I believe. I still think if she feels this unimportant that she needs at least bring it to his attention. Plus, it was pretty messed up what he did to her.

[80anthea]

She is, I believe. I still think if she feels this unimportant that she needs at least bring it to his attention. Plus, it was pretty messed up what he did to her.

Absolutely. I think communication is the key to most things. My point really was if someone had done that to me, I think I'd probably be anxious if they were out with this friend the whole time.

[Moon]

I maybe getting you confused with someone else so apologies if I am. Are you the person whose SO dumped them before a visit as he'd kissed his best friend and decided he liked her more? If so, then is this why you are so anxious about him being out with friends?

She is, I believe. I still think if she feels this unimportant that she needs at least bring it to his attention. Plus, it was pretty messed up what he did to her.

If that's the case, he has even more reason to answer her in a timely manner, she has the right to feel anxious about it, and will for a while. It's ridiculous to assume she's anything like anyone's ex-wife. How insulting and unhelpful.

OP - if he did what's described above, and he's leaving you to wait all day before you get any response, I think it's time to reevaluate this relationship, and what you're getting out of it. I know it's not nice to hear that, but he's showing you absolutely no consideration, especially after being such a jerk. He should be trying his best to make you feel comfortable and secure. You've only been together a month, if it were me, I'd dump his ass and never look back. Consider this carefully, before you waste more than a few weeks of your life on this guy. Good luck.

[honeybunny]

I think you are definitely entitled to more contact than he gives you. I'd be really mad if my boyfriend went to sleep without saying good night. He did it once when he was drunk but he apologised the next day. If you're a couple you will want to hear from each other and I can't imagine going that long without contact. Definitely bring it up with him.

[kirsten119229]

She is, I believe. I still think if she feels this unimportant that she needs at least bring it to his attention. Plus, it was pretty messed up what he did to her.

That has nothing to do with what I am talking about now. Yes that happened, but we are past it.
I'm not anxious about him being out with friends, that is fine. I have no issues with him seeing friends. I'm not there to see him, so he needs friends around him otherwise life would be quite lonely. (he has no family to speak of.)
The only issue I have is that he takes ages to reply. I have discussed this with him and he has agreed he could be a bit neglectful surrounding this issue, and has been texting/calling with more regularity now and everything is as good as it has ever been.
I don't really appreciate things from other posts being brought up on posts that have nothing to do with what's being said, to be honest with you.

[Moon]

That has nothing to do with what I am talking about now. Yes that happened, but we are past it.
I'm not anxious about him being out with friends, that is fine. I have no issues with him seeing friends. I'm not there to see him, so he needs friends around him otherwise life would be quite lonely. (he has no family to speak of.)
The only issue I have is that he takes ages to reply. I have discussed this with him and he has agreed he could be a bit neglectful surrounding this issue, and has been texting/calling with more regularity now and everything is as good as it has ever been.
I don't really appreciate things from other posts being brought up on posts that have nothing to do with what's being said, to be honest with you.

Well, to be honest with you, that happens sometimes. You don't get to decide what advice you get, even when you don't like it. Keep in mind we are unbiased third-parties here, there is nothing personal in our responses to you. You can either take or ignore the advice, but advice from people looking at a situation from the outside is good to at least think about, especially within a forum full of users with varied levels of experience, backgrounds and wisdom. We only know the facts as you present them, keep that in mind also. This isn't meant to be harsh, but to maybe change your perspective, which is a bit defensive right now.

[kirsten119229]

Well, to be honest with you, that happens sometimes. You don't get to decide what advice you get, even when you don't like it. Keep in mind we are unbiased third-parties here, there is nothing personal in our responses to you. You can either take or ignore the advice, but advice from people looking at a situation from the outside is good to at least think about, especially within a forum full of users with varied levels of experience, backgrounds and wisdom. We only know the facts as you present them, keep that in mind also. This isn't meant to be harsh, but to maybe change your perspective, which is a bit defensive right now.

Sorry, you are right that was harsh and defensive of me. I didn't mean to upset anyone, I apologise.

I do appreciate all the advice on here from people, good or bad

[80anthea]

I'm sorry but you've only been back together a week which is why I brought it up. If it had have happened ten years ago I wouldn't even have thought about it. I was merely saying I can understand why you'd be feeling anxious (you said you were about being second best to his friends in your OP). It's not like I went searching through your post history to bring something up, I thought it might be relevant.

[kirsten119229]

I'm sorry but you've only been back together a week which is why I brought it up. If it had have happened ten years ago I wouldn't even have thought about it. I was merely saying I can understand why you'd be feeling anxious (you said you were about being second best to his friends in your OP). It's not like I went searching through your post history to bring something up, I thought it might be relevant.

I'm really sorry, I didnt mean to upset you with what I wrote. I know it isnt an axcuse but I have been stressed about work recently and everything is making me grumpy these days. I hope you understand.
I do appreciate your input, and I thank you for doing so x

[QueenD]

I am in a new LDR. Started a relationship with someone I've known for a few years just about 2 months ago. This is a specific area where I've had some issues too. Both my SO and I are really busy folks, so it's easy for time to slip away without being in contact. I personally like frequent contact and of course love quick replies as they make me feel more secure. I just had a conversation with my SO last night about this exact topic. He has a job that sometimes doesn't allow for responses to me all day, and that is combined with some evening activities for events he is responsible for this spring. We agreed that he would reply as he can, and if I need a reply quickly I would let him know that. It's amazing how much difference it makes having these discussions.

[kirsten119229]

I am in a new LDR. Started a relationship with someone I've known for a few years just about 2 months ago. This is a specific area where I've had some issues too. Both my SO and I are really busy folks, so it's easy for time to slip away without being in contact. I personally like frequent contact and of course love quick replies as they make me feel more secure. I just had a conversation with my SO last night about this exact topic. He has a job that sometimes doesn't allow for responses to me all day, and that is combined with some evening activities for events he is responsible for this spring. We agreed that he would reply as he can, and if I need a reply quickly I would let him know that. It's amazing how much difference it makes having these discussions.

Hello

This is pretty much what me and my SO agreed! It's made me much more secure in the knowledge that he will reply, just maybe not imediately, and that if it is urgent, he will We have a code word and everything