People can be so cruel

[JeanJean]

Hello all

I am writing this to vent and I think you will be a sympathetic audience.

Yesterday I met up with my cousin after work. She and I have always been very close and she is usually very supportive.
This was not the case last night. She was asking me when my SO is coming to visit me, I explained to her that is isn't something that he can do right now for various reasons.
Her response was as follows "Then he can't really be serious about you, if he was he wouldn't make so many excuses." and followed up with "You say that this has potential to be a long term relationship, but I don't see how if your here, he's there and neither of you is going to move."

I usually am able to brush things off but being that she and I are so close, and she voiced my deepest fears, it was hard to let this go. I actually felt as if I was punched in the stomach. Even considered ending the relationship. Honestly I am still really hurt by this.

Just needed to get this out. Thanks for the listen.

[sasad]

Because you both are close, I think she meant it more in a protection way vs a mean way. Also saying she voiced YOUR deepest fears... maybe that is what is bothering you more than what she actually said? Those are REAL fears in any LDR, and there is nothing wrong with being afraid.
Please don't be upset at her for caring. Just explain how it is what it is and you are sticking by your SO.

[Moon]

You know what? You cannot give in to misconstrued perceptions of an LDR, and what someone thinks should happen in one. I'm in a long-term, serious relationship, with neither of us intending to move in the foreseeable future. *I* know what my relationship is, and what it isn't. *I* know the level of seriousness. I also know that people who have never been in an LDR don't get it, they don't get it at all, and that's OK. Do not let an outsider to the relationship dictate it's merit, only YOU and your partner honestly know what you have. You cannot let other people's perceptions color your feelings about what you've got. You are of an age where people's reactions shouldn't make you insecure in yourself anymore; you know what you want, you know what you've got, and you've got the experience and wisdom under your belt to be OK with your choices.

[whatruckus]

You know what? I just ignore people when they say things like that. I agree maybe she didn't mean it maliciously, but it's still annoying to hear it. My family is the same way.

Like Moon said, only you know your relationship. Only you know your SO. So, let her talk all she wants. She's not in the relationship.

[JeanJean]

You know what? You cannot give in to misconstrued perceptions of an LDR, and what someone thinks should happen in one. I'm in a long-term, serious relationship, with neither of us intending to move in the foreseeable future. *I* know what my relationship is, and what it isn't. *I* know the level of seriousness. I also know that people who have never been in an LDR don't get it, they don't get it at all, and that's OK. Do not let an outsider to the relationship dictate it's merit, only YOU and your partner honestly know what you have. You cannot let other people's perceptions color your feelings about what you've got. You are of an age where people's reactions shouldn't make you insecure in yourself anymore; you know what you want, you know what you've got, and you've got the experience and wisdom under your belt to be OK with your choices.

I shouldn't let people's reactions make me insecure, you're right.
Unfortunately it's the people who I am closest to that know just how to strike a nerve with me.
She was being a mean girl and she did it intentionally. I found out a few minutes ago that she had been in a fight with her husband yesterday. She just wanted to share the misery.

[sasad]

OO she did it intentionally... meh.... that was rude.

[JeanJean]

OO she did it intentionally... meh.... that was rude.

I think I need to Distance myself from her.
Pun intended.

[whatruckus]

Oh, then never mind. She was just angry and jealous.

[C.C.]

Some people just reflect their own stress and troubles on others. It's not the best thing, but at least you can be sure that she exaggerated it, I guess.

[Honour]

Distancing yourself might be the best thing to do. She probably means well, it just came across wrong. Besides, she isn't the one experiencing the relationship, so she's not exactly going to be able to properly judge what's ongoing.

[Chris516]

Hello all

I am writing this to vent and I think you will be a sympathetic audience.

Yesterday I met up with my cousin after work. She and I have always been very close and she is usually very supportive.
This was not the case last night. She was asking me when my SO is coming to visit me, I explained to her that is isn't something that he can do right now for various reasons.
Her response was as follows "Then he can't really be serious about you, if he was he wouldn't make so many excuses." and followed up with "You say that this has potential to be a long term relationship, but I don't see how if your here, he's there and neither of you is going to move."

I usually am able to brush things off but being that she and I are so close, and she voiced my deepest fears, it was hard to let this go. I actually felt as if I was punched in the stomach. Even considered ending the relationship. Honestly I am still really hurt by this.

Just needed to get this out. Thanks for the listen.

Because you both are close, I think she meant it more in a protection way vs a mean way. Also saying she voiced YOUR deepest fears... maybe that is what is bothering you more than what she actually said? Those are REAL fears in any LDR, and there is nothing wrong with being afraid.
Please don't be upset at her for caring. Just explain how it is what it is and you are sticking by your SO.

Sure, There may be fears on the part of the OP. But I also wonder, if there is some deep-seeded jealousy on the part of the OP's cousin.

[whatruckus]

Sure, There may be fears on the part of the OP. But I also wonder, if there is some deep-seeded jealousy on the part of the OP's cousin.

I feel like it had to do with the cousin's fight with her husband too. So, I think maybe, in a way, she is jealous of OP because things are going pretty good between OP and OP's SO.

[Miasmata]

Even the people closest to us have weak moments, and say things they shouldn't have. Doesn't mean you should immediately forgive and forget, absolutely not, but do evaluate whether this is something your relationship together can and should eventually move on from or not. Either way, no matter what you decide, don't be afraid to tell her that you didn't appreciate what she said, and that you are not her punching bag for her negative feelings. All the best to you