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Is it possible the distance made him fall out of love with me?

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    #1

    Is it possible the distance made him fall out of love with me?

    I met my boyfriend in July and we began dating in August although we both knew he would be going to school three hours away from my college. At that time we were so inlove and crazy about each other everything felt right and we began a ldr. It was hard and in the days we didn't see each other we both questioned why it was happening and if we should give up. Yet in our visits everything made the distance worth it.
    6 months later (this Febuary) he broke it off saying he didn't think he loved me as much as I loved him, and that he needed time for himself. He also said he just didn't feel the spark he did before. He said he still loves me and that I'm 100% the perfect girl and what he wants but this isn't the right time. He also said he isn't sure if he wants it to be a break or a break-up but the one thing he is sure of is that he doesn't want me gone from his life. I feel the same way. We agreed to let things cool off until April when we no longer have a distance between us and to take the time to focus on what we really want and need. Then when we start hanging out face to face we will see if it was just the distance that made us give up or if we don't belong together as a couple.

    I'm still devistated as he was my first love and I lost my virginity to him and everything was different with him we had a weird but wonderful connection that I can't explain but as soon as we are together we just click. Do you think we can salvage this? Do you think I should just move on? Is it worth waiting for? Is it possible that once the distance is gone he will fall back inlove? Am I holding my breath for a lost cause?

    Also if anyone has a story similar to this I would love to hear it. Thank you!
    Tags: break ups, distance, getting back together
    #2
    So is he going to be back close distance permanently in August or is it just summer break?

    Generally, we here obviously can't read minds. We can't look into his head or a crystal ball and say for sure how things will develop. To me, it sounds like he generally struggles with the distance, but you also both didn't really focus on making it work - Just my impression, of course. It reads like you basically lived from visit to visit, and to be really honest, that's a surefire way to lose energy at some point. Think about it - When you view every day you're not physically together as torturous, how can you actually feel good about what you got?

    LDRs are not for everyone, and I honestly can't fault people who say that they just can't do it. But, in my opinion, it's definitely something worth trying and possible to adapt to if you both invest the effort. Not guaranteed, but possible. A big part of that, I feel, is remembering what you have even when you're not physically together. Even in an LDR, you still got a loving relationship, with a partner you value! No distance can magically change that, it takes more factors than that. You can still have good moments, you can still have meaningful conversations, you can still keep each other involved in your lives. It takes effort and some inventive spirit and of course it will still suck sometimes no matter what, but it's very much possible to have a meaningful relationship that's not all torture and pain.

    What did you two do to make your time apart good? Would changing your approach to the situation help him feel more confident about it?

    ~
    It'll take a lot more than words and guns
    A whole lot more than riches and muscle
    The hands of the many must join as one
    And together we'll cross the river

    Comment

      #3
      Originally posted by live4love View Post
      I met my boyfriend in July and we began dating in August although we both knew he would be going to school three hours away from my college. At that time we were so inlove and crazy about each other everything felt right and we began a ldr. It was hard and in the days we didn't see each other we both questioned why it was happening and if we should give up. Yet in our visits everything made the distance worth it.
      6 months later (this Febuary) he broke it off saying he didn't think he loved me as much as I loved him, and that he needed time for himself. He also said he just didn't feel the spark he did before. He said he still loves me and that I'm 100% the perfect girl and what he wants but this isn't the right time. He also said he isn't sure if he wants it to be a break or a break-up but the one thing he is sure of is that he doesn't want me gone from his life. I feel the same way. We agreed to let things cool off until April when we no longer have a distance between us and to take the time to focus on what we really want and need. Then when we start hanging out face to face we will see if it was just the distance that made us give up or if we don't belong together as a couple.

      I'm still devistated as he was my first love and I lost my virginity to him and everything was different with him we had a weird but wonderful connection that I can't explain but as soon as we are together we just click. Do you think we can salvage this? Do you think I should just move on? Is it worth waiting for? Is it possible that once the distance is gone he will fall back inlove? Am I holding my breath for a lost cause?

      Also if anyone has a story similar to this I would love to hear it. Thank you!
      Welcome to LFAD.

      As you read through threads, you will see this sentence a lot "Not everyone is cut out for a LDR". It's a true statement. Some people need to be in a relationship where they are able to see the person whenever they want to and they physical contact is extremely important. In any relationship, it is critical to know what your limits are.

      It sounds like you already have a plan to wait until April when you won't be apart anymore. That's only a month away. Take this month to just focus on you. If when you are back in the same place and things click again, great. If they don't, you will be okay and move forward with your life.
      To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

      ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by R&R View Post
        Welcome to LFAD.

        As you read through threads, you will see this sentence a lot "Not everyone is cut out for a LDR". It's a true statement. Some people need to be in a relationship where they are able to see the person whenever they want to and they physical contact is extremely important. In any relationship, it is critical to know what your limits are.

        It sounds like you already have a plan to wait until April when you won't be apart anymore. That's only a month away. Take this month to just focus on you. If when you are back in the same place and things click again, great. If they don't, you will be okay and move forward with your life.
        Thank you so much! I guess I'm just worried he will find someone else. I know he really isn't that type of guy but my past makes it hard to believe that he'll want to come back to me.

        Comment

          #5
          He will be back in April and we will have all of the summer then I'll be 40mins away from him for a couple of months and then the distance will be closed permanently. In the beginning we snap chatted everything we did and called each other on the drive home from school for him and placement for me. I always did my best to make it work and even though I felt the distance sucked I tried to make it not suck. Eventually he stopped wanting phone calls and snapchatting and then when we saw each other he didn't want to be physical either. I'm just upset because I know no matter what I would've picked him and I hate how it seemed easy for him not to fight for it. I also think there was the issue of timing I worried I was a rebound because he had just gotten out of a relationship of four years a month prior to meeting me, he swears I wasn't a rebound and that he thinks he just needs some space to think about himself. Part of me wonders if I should even bother waiting for him because I know what I want and I'm ready for what I want.

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by live4love View Post
            He will be back in April and we will have all of the summer then I'll be 40mins away from him for a couple of months and then the distance will be closed permanently. In the beginning we snap chatted everything we did and called each other on the drive home from school for him and placement for me. I always did my best to make it work and even though I felt the distance sucked I tried to make it not suck. Eventually he stopped wanting phone calls and snapchatting and then when we saw each other he didn't want to be physical either. I'm just upset because I know no matter what I would've picked him and I hate how it seemed easy for him not to fight for it. I also think there was the issue of timing I worried I was a rebound because he had just gotten out of a relationship of four years a month prior to meeting me, he swears I wasn't a rebound and that he thinks he just needs some space to think about himself. Part of me wonders if I should even bother waiting for him because I know what I want and I'm ready for what I want.
            Hello dear,

            I really feel your disappointment and pain because I know how it feels to be in love with someone and to break up with them. I think you are at the right place for finding support after a break(-up). However, no one here can tell you for sure what to do and what will happen. No one can tell you but this guy what the real reason is for him to break up with you. In my opinion, he's either not ready to be in a LDR or he's just not aware of what the real reason to break up with you is. I wouldn't suggest waiting for him to come and to try again because you don't know what will happen in 2 months. You might meet someone else, he might meet someone else. It could be the case that neither of you meets someone else but you are still unhappy together. Well, my point is, don't make such plans for the future because you don't know what will happen.

            Comment

              #7
              Nothing says you have to wait. That is strictly your choice. Also, just because you do, doesn't mean he will. At this time, you are both single and free to do whatever you wish.

              I'm sure there have been times when someone had feelings for you and you just didn't feel the same. You would have told them that it wasn't the type of relationship you wanted. It was up to them to reconcile this for themselves. You held no responsibility for how they felt for you and they had to to come to terms with it. A relationship takes two people both wanting the same thing and working together to make it work.
              To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

              ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

              Comment

                #8
                That's true I just wish he still loved me, he's started liking other girl's pictures on instagram but he hasn't told any of his family he broke up with me, only his roommate who was home when he did it knows.

                Comment

                  #9
                  If you did what you could and said what you needed to say, the ball is entirely in his court, I'm afraid. You can't make anyone love you, no matter how much effort you invested in the relationship. I wish I had something more useful to say than that, but at this point, best you can do is focus on yourself and let him see if he comes around.

                  ~
                  It'll take a lot more than words and guns
                  A whole lot more than riches and muscle
                  The hands of the many must join as one
                  And together we'll cross the river

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Welcome to LFAD...
                    Like the posters above said LD is not for everyone.
                    I also think there was the issue of timing I worried I was a rebound because he had just gotten out of a relationship of four years a month prior to meeting me, he swears I wasn't a rebound and that he thinks he just needs some space to think about himself.
                    You are his "rebound" relationship sorry to say.
                    Focus on your education and life...if he is still serious about you he will realize what he's lost. Start a hobby or spend time with good friends.
                    Wishing the best for you.
                    Last edited by Elizabeth123; February 28, 2016, 04:26 PM.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by Miasmata View Post
                      If you did what you could and said what you needed to say, the ball is entirely in his court, I'm afraid. You can't make anyone love you, no matter how much effort you invested in the relationship. I wish I had something more useful to say than that, but at this point, best you can do is focus on yourself and let him see if he comes around.
                      Thank you, he and I talked last night he didn't seem overly positive about it being just a break I think the time apart is going to make it easier for him to never want to be with me again. He's still coming to visit this weekend for my birthday I'm just nervous because I don't want everything to be different

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by Elizabeth123 View Post
                        Welcome to LFAD...
                        Like the posters above said LD is not for everyone.


                        You are his "rebound" relationship sorry to say.
                        Focus on your education and life...if he is still serious about you he will realize what he's lost. Start a hobby or spend time with good friends.
                        Wishing the best for you.
                        Thank you

                        Comment

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