So, yeah. Another Break Up post.

[whatruckus]

It's getting easier, but at the same time harder...if that makes any sense. I have to constantly keep reminding myself that I can't do this, or can't do that. Like I can't tell him I love him, I can't tell him I miss him. I can't plan anything that involves me being in his area, because I don't know when or if I'm going back down there. I can't try to plan things with him. I can't really talk to him.

I've been keeping my distance. Barely texting him. I only said "Good Night" to him on Tuesday, and then Wednesday I didn't say a word to him. Yesterday, I texted him good night and to get home safe (Thursdays he always goes out, whether he had work that day or not). Today, I messaged him on FB just to share a link that one of our favorite bands just released an online album, and he's a way bigger fan than I am. But, that's about it.

I haven't heard from him since Monday though, when I texted him to tell him that it was hitting me hard that day and I was pretty sad. Can't say that I'm surprised. I don't text him, or anything like that, expecting a response from him, because I know how he is.

It's hard for me to not switch into bitter mode and start thinking things like, "I bet he's with someone else already," or things like, "I bet he never cared, he probably doesn't miss me." Things like that. I always go into dark places like that. That's part of what caused us so many problems. I don't think I ever fully trusted him, like I thought I did, and like I had wanted. But, I also feel like I can't really blame myself for that because when he would be depressed, he didn't give me much to work with. And, after my ass hole Ex, I really became a "actions speaker louder than words" person.

[Kapwned]

Yeah it's just something that only time can cure. You shared your life with him for so long and now you've gotta build up a new routine and mental process without him. It's a very awkward and uncomfortable phase. Do you talk to a professional about your struggle with trust? If you don't, it might be a good time to start. Your douchenozzle ex should not get to leave such lasting damage on you. He is not worth it.

[whatruckus]

Yeah it's just something that only time can cure. You shared your life with him for so long and now you've gotta build up a new routine and mental process without him. It's a very awkward and uncomfortable phase. Do you talk to a professional about your struggle with trust? If you don't, it might be a good time to start. Your douchenozzle ex should not get to leave such lasting damage on you. He is not worth it.

My Obamacare insurance provider doesn't cover mental health, and I can't afford it otherwise. I've been wanting to get a therapist and get on meds since I was in middle school, I was just afraid. And, now that I actually want to, I can't afford it. *sigh*

[Miasmata]

Some therapists work on sliding scale pricing, and some charities can also help with getting proper counseling. Do some googling around and see if there's something of help in your area, and don't be afraid to ask therapists if they can accomodate low-income folks!

[hmrambling]

My Obamacare insurance provider doesn't cover mental health, and I can't afford it otherwise. I've been wanting to get a therapist and get on meds since I was in middle school, I was just afraid. And, now that I actually want to, I can't afford it. *sigh*

A frank talk with your primary care provider my provide some resources as well as some meds. Some family doctors will prescribe meds and refer you to resources that you might not have thought about otherwise. It helped me to autopsy the relationship (link to autopsy - https://www.drphil.com/articles/article/316 ). I was searching and thorough when I autopsied the relationship. I also stopped contact with my ex while I autopsied the relationship. That helped to give me some clarity.

Best wishes, whatruckus.

[TheSteelAngel]

My Obamacare insurance provider doesn't cover mental health, and I can't afford it otherwise. I've been wanting to get a therapist and get on meds since I was in middle school, I was just afraid. And, now that I actually want to, I can't afford it. *sigh*

Saaaaaame here. Le sigh :/