Is He Still Willing To Give Us Another Try Eventually Or Is This Truly Over?

[CentralStandard]

Hi. I am new to this forum and I hope I can get some helpful views from you all.

I have been friends with him for years before we have decided to have a relationship with each other. I admit that my constant complaining has pushed him away, but I was also under a lot of stress that had nothing to do with him. He broke up with me and didn't talk to me for at least a couple of weeks. When we finally did talk, I apologized to him for how I acted and he told me he felt like he was walking a tightrope while he was with me. I tried assuring him that it won't be that way and that we have way too much history to throw all of this away. He said that it will take a lot more convincing than that and that people don't just "change overnight". I have found myself trying to call him, text him, and everything. I rarely get a reply from him. He seems to call me on HIS terms or I would have to ask him is this and the day a good day to call, or I fear I won't ever hear from him again. Either way, since this breakup, it has had an impact on my eat, sleep, and I am shaken to the core about it, because I truly want this to work.

We talk maybe 2 to 3 times a week at the most now, and the last time we talked, I asked him if he still has any feelings for me. He said his feelings for me are still very strong, but right now he wants to be by himself. I asked him what will it take for him to feel comfortable around me again like he once did, and he told me it will take time. I asked him while he needs time and wants to do things in his own speed, what are the chances of him wanting to hook up with another girl or possibly wanting to be with someone else. He said he isn't even considering that.

He has a picture of me on his computer background that he had on there when we were together, yet I can't get a simply reply from him when I ask him how work is going. It's apparent I still have feelings for him and I want us to have another shot. When I told him this, he said he is being extremely cautious and wants to take things very slowly. I wanted to know if it would take him years to get to the point where we were before (since it took years of friendship for us to try a relationship with each other) and he said no, but he isn't sure how long. Are there any other things I should ask him to see if I am wasting my time or not or should I just be patient and let him "do things at his speed" like he said? From the information I have provided, is there any hope of us getting back together, or am I wasting my time? Thanks for reading and thanks for whatever advice I can get at this point.

[whatruckus]

I think maybe you should give him space. You also shouldn't be practically begging him to talk to you, or pay attention to you. It might not seem that way to you, but as outsider, that's how it looks. If you have to ask if or when it's okay for you to talk, or you feel like you're walking on eggshells around him just to get him to pay attention to you. That's not good.

If I were you, I would honestly start moving on. It's clear he doesn't have much interest in you right now. His actions prove it. Also, he told you that he wants to be by himself for now.

It's hard to hear, and it's hard to do, trust me. But, I think it's for the best. I'm in sort of the same boat as you, and I'm younger than you. And, I was with him for over 3 years.

[C.C.]

You should definitely give him space for now. I have no idea what happened between you, but if it was bad enough, I can't really blame him and I can be sure he has hard time thinking about all that. Relationship is not only about feelings, either. If he said that he loves you and that he won't look for other women and if you trust that it will happen so, then it will probably will. But he needs to reconsider everything.
And I wouldn't just break up and give up on him in your place, but it depends on an individual, their feelings' strength and the whole relationship as well.
I do think, though, that instead of waiting for him and asking to pay you attention, you should just dedicate it to your own life and consider that it might never work (even attempt may not happen). Get ready for the possible outcome, improve yourself as a person, discover things and I dunno, just live. And maybe give thought to the relationship as well, like what went wrong, how it was, etc.
It's okay to break up too, I mean, it's up to you. But you should give him space either way and you should not wait too actively or dedicate your whole life to it either.

[sasad]

Agree with Whatruckus said....He wants space and yet you call/text him all the time. If you are on a break or broken up. you need to act more that way. Its not really your business if he goes out with another.
Relationships involve two people working together. You both are not on the same page. You need to be ready for that. You have gone from complaining to almost clingy. Give him space and time to see if he misses you Don't keep trying to control his thoughts and feelings by trying to speed him up.I am not trying to sound harsh. We don't know what is going on in his head. We don't know if he is trying to let go....I do know that people do not change overnight. Let him regain his trust in his own time.

[CentralStandard]

Agree with Whatruckus said....He wants space and yet you call/text him all the time. If you are on a break or broken up. you need to act more that way. Its not really your business if he goes out with another.
Relationships involve two people working together. You both are not on the same page. You need to be ready for that. You have gone from complaining to almost clingy. Give him space and time to see if he misses you Don't keep trying to control his thoughts and feelings by trying to speed him up.I am not trying to sound harsh. We don't know what is going on in his head. We don't know if he is trying to let go....I do know that people do not change overnight. Let him regain his trust in his own time.

Hi Thanks for your honesty. I am not trying to be clingy at all. I just want answers. I hate hanging onto maybe. I need to know what's what, if that makes sense.

[CentralStandard]

I have an update. I talked with him yesterday and things went well. I explained to him that I understand that he needs space, but I don't want to hang onto a maybe. He told me that I have a choice not to and he kept making a point that he is doing things at his pace and he is working on our friendship right now. So I guess like you all said, I have to give him space. There's nothing more I can do.

[sasad]

Hi Thanks for your honesty. I am not trying to be clingy at all. I just want answers. I hate hanging onto maybe. I need to know what's what, if that makes sense.

From your phone call with him and your statement before... You are getting maybes, as much don't want to hear that.
His answer is to give him time and space. If he says you have a choice not to(wait).. Then he is pretty much telling you where he is at. Please don't push him or give ultimatums if you want any hope of this working.

[whatruckus]

From your phone call with him and your statement before... You are getting maybes, as much don't want to hear that.
His answer is to give him time and space. If he says you have a choice not to(wait).. Then he is pretty much telling you where he is at. Please don't push him or give ultimatums if you want any hope of this working.

Agreed. I've heard that. Three months later I was still waiting and got fed up and blew up at him about it. Then, he officially ended it. I'm just going to say right now that you should be prepared to move on. Even now, start worrying more about yourself because who knows when he'll finally make up his mind.

[CentralStandard]

From your phone call with him and your statement before... You are getting maybes, as much don't want to hear that.
His answer is to give him time and space. If he says you have a choice not to(wait).. Then he is pretty much telling you where he is at. Please don't push him or give ultimatums if you want any hope of this working.

When I talked to him Thursday, I asked him was we going to talk Friday and he said he can't make any promises and that we will probably talk Saturday. So Friday came and went and I heard nothing from him. I didn't call him. I got a text from him today, while at work though, saying that he hopes that I am having a blessed day and that we can chat tonight. Well it's after 10 here, and he knows that I am two hours ahead of him, and I called him about 15 minutes ago, and didn't leave a message. I am just tired of feeling disrespected and not considered. Is this a good time for me to just go NC? I am in tears right about now because I am not sure what to do at this point. I am trying to do things right but I still feel like I'm doing things wrong.

[Elizabeth123]

Take some time and focus on yourself. Rebuilding a relationship takes time and effort of both partners.
Maybe he's just not able to be the person you need....

[CentralStandard]

Take some time and focus on yourself. Rebuilding a relationship takes time and effort of both partners.
Maybe he's just not able to be the person you need....

I have given up calling him, because I have realized how pathetic and desperate I have made myself to be. The conversation we had before I finally got tired of always calling him and texting him was him saying that the reason why he has been avoiding me was because when we did talk, all I wanted to talk about was where my head was and where his head was instead of just having a natural conversation, and letting things go natural and respecting that he needs to do things at his speed. Also he said that when I do text him and if he doesn't respond right away, I start texting him incessantly, and calling him nonstop (freaking out) and he says I need to relax, which is true. I do need to relax. I need to back off. So when I finally got tired of always calling him and texting him, I backed up and sure enough, he has been calling and sending me a text here and there. We talked this morning and it was a short and sweet conversation. He is going through something right now (looking for another car because he got into a car accident and his car is totaled), and he said he might give me a call tonight sometime because today his focus will be shopping for another car. I hope I am doing this right. I really want things to work with us. I'm not going keep blowing his phone up to do it though.

[CentralStandard]

If you guys do not mind, I will be updating what is going on. I have never had a long distance situation much less cared this much about someone. I would appreciate suggestions/support during this process, whether the end result is good or not. Thanks in advance.

[Elizabeth123]

Glad you are having better communication with him.
Stop by LFAD anytime and remember to trust yourself. Wishing you much happiness!

[CentralStandard]

Update: So he called me last night (it was pretty late) and asked if I was busy. I told him no but I was on my way to sleep. He said "oh. I was just giving you a quick call to tell you that I finally got a car. Perhaps I can call you tomorrow when I get off work, since you're heading to bed" and that it sure won't be as late it was was last night that he called me. Now normally, I would sacrifice my sleep just to stay on the phone with him (I'm not talking about while we were together. I'm talking about post-break up), but seeing how desperate I have looked, I stopped doing that, and kept it short, and told him okay, and wished him a good night. So whether he calls or not, I don't know. Either way, I won't be looking out for his call. If he does, he does. If he doesn't, he doesn't. I'm not trying to be a jerk about it, but if I allow myself to care too much, I cannot live my life like I should.

Sidenote: When we talked earlier yesterday morning, at the end of the phone call, he said it was nice to hear my voice. It made me smile.

[CentralStandard]

Hi all,

I just wanted to check in and give an update as promised. We have talked about our relationship here and there, and me needing answers. One of the things I have looked at within myself was was me not freaking out if he doesn't answer right away or placing an exact timetable per se on when we can talk, so he doesn't feel trapped, and so I can also live my life. Thursday when we talked and somehow we got on the topic of the picture of me as his desktop background no longer being there, which yes kinda hurt my feelings, but I could not bring myself to say it to him that night because I was trying to process it. The only thing I did say was it feels like he has moved on, and he said he hasn't. I asked him how come he removed it if I may ask and he said that he just needed to distance himself from us after the way things ended up, and he didn't want to think about it. I left it at that. We ended the conversation via my request. on a sorta somber note. He actually called me an endearing name as we ended the call, something he used to call me back then (Dear). I asked him did he called me "Dear" to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. He clarified that he did call me that. I also asked him just to make sure "Does he call anyone else that right now"? He told me no. And by anyone else I mean his other female friends that, which he has one other female friend that he says he has no attraction to, and I do believe him because he has been honest with me about everything even if it is hurtful. I may come across a little insecure, when asking him those questions, but being hurt as many times as I have been, and with respect to this long distance, I guess it sort of comes with such territory. One of the things he did say was if he does find someone else, which is something he isn't even considering anyways, he will let me know and that he will not leave us in limbo. So I am not worried about that. Sorry for the rambling. I wanted to get that part in.

Back to what transpired...I was still feeling a little taken aback about the picture thing and yesterday when we did talk, I did tell him that I felt a little hurt about his reason behind taking my picture down and that it's almost like he doesn't want to think about us. He explained in more detail what he meant, and after that I told him that I just want us to be able to "chill" online like we once did and expressed to him how much fun it was. He said he is sure that will happen again. After that, we talked about just different things. An hour an a half later, we was getting off the phone and I told him I hope he enjoyed conversing with me, and he said he most definitely did. I told him that I have plans for Easter and that hopefully we can talk Monday or so depending on how busy we are. He says that sounds good. That was the longest we have talked in a while with it actually being a positive conversation for the most part.

Today he sent me a text saying 'Happy and Blessed Easter to you Dear'. I wished him the same via text and that was it. I am definitely continuing to hope for the best. Thanks to those who took the time to read my update. Sorry if it was too long.