Does good communication make you miss them more sometimes?

[QueenD]

Hey all,

I just got off the phone with my SO a few minutes ago. We had a lovely conversation about a bunch of things, including some sad feeling sim having because my late husband's birthday is this week, work stuff, a book we are both reading, and so forth. It's the kind of conversation you hope to have regularly with any SO, especially a busy one who lives 1000 miles away.

And yet... I swear today I actually feel lonelier and like I miss him more than if we hadn't talked! I guess it could be because I'm kind of blue to start with but GAWD I'm just about to go nuts! I do get to see him in 3 1/2 weeks which is great but sometimes I think I am never gonna make it!

Anyone else have this problem and what do you do about it?

D

[TheSteelAngel]

I had this problem with my recent ex. What I did was send him cute texts the next day. He used to like it when I did that. If your SO does something good you need to reward him for doing that. It makes him happy and it makes you happy too

[QueenD]

I had this problem with my recent ex. What I did was send him cute texts the next day. He used to like it when I did that. If your SO does something good you need to reward him for doing that. It makes him happy and it makes you happy too

Um, this is an interesting response. I don't really think of a great phone call as something that my SO needs to be rewarded for. I was more feeling that a good close conversation made me feel his absence more acutely after talking to him. I just wondered if anyone else has felt that and how they dealt with it.

[Jorgedig]

I know exactly what you mean. Maybe it is because I am closer to your age/life stage etc. But - yes. Intimacy in a long distance relationship can breed a deeper longing for your SO, because your emotional needs are being met and your brain and heart like that :-). Hang in there! Three weeks is nothing ;-)

[ChloChlo]

I definitely experience this. My guy and I have pretty great communication, but every once in a while we have a deeper kind of talk that is more soulful and vulnerable - I love those talks, they give me that sweet ache in my heart for him. And if the connection/conversation is paired with a video call? UGH. KILLS ME. Video chat is great but it gives me an illusion of nearness, like he lives across town instead of in another country.

As for what I do about it... hmm. I try to distract myself. I put on a movie or Netflix and crochet - something mindless that also stops me from dwelling on things. I take naps, I take baths, I meditate and focus on myself. Sometimes I am grateful that I had two (local) relationships before this one where my partners didn't make any time for me - I was "lucky" if I talked to them once a week and saw them twice a month, and I developed lots of "keep busy" techniques that still serve me well. So even though I only see my partner every few months, I still feel more important to him and part of his life than I ever did with my exes. That helps a lot