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Stuck in a loop? Unsure what to do about constant arguments

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    Stuck in a loop? Unsure what to do about constant arguments

    Hey everyone! Hope your days are all going well.

    I normally like to work out issues with my boyfriend himself. We communicate really well, and have always been able to resolve problems on our own. That's just kind of how we roll. But... right now there is something that neither of us can seem to fix, no matter how many times we have talked about it, and tried to change it. Over the last three or four weeks, my boyfriend and I have been running out of things to do, and things to talk about. Our skype calls are basically silence. At least that's how they were, until we started filling that silence with silly arguments. We don't normally fight much, but lately the amount of arguments we have has gotten insane. It's typically one a day right now. Sometimes more!

    It's not that we don't love each other or anything. Believe me, the chemistry and feelings and all of that are still there. So I would really appreciate it if people don't tell me otherwise. I really believe we are just running out of things to do. We havent seen each other in months, and it is always hard on both of us to be separated for so long. I think that part of the reason we are fighting consistently is boredom. The other part is definitely stress. We are both under SO much stress right now. I am under a lot of it due to my full time job, recently moving out of my parents house, trying to get things ready here for when he moves in, etc. He is under a lot of stress right now because he is moving all the way across the country in just over two months, and he has been dealing with his unsupportive parents as well. We are both just really stressed out.

    Normally just talking to each other on skype after I get home from work has helped with the stress. Until the fights started. Rarely ever is it about something serious, too. For example, our most recent fight was because I hung up a skype call because he was playing a game and had the sound set so loud that I couldn't hear myself think. The fight before that was because he was going to go hang out with friends, even though I was having a bad day and really wanted to just talk to him. And before that, we fought because he asked me if I would stay in a relationship with him if his breath, clothing, etc. constantly reeked of tobacco smoke. I said that I wouldn't. Which lead to a fight. TRUST ME.... I know all of these are really silly reasons to fight. My boyfriend knows it too. And yet we can't seem to stop doing it. :/ Everything just seems to set both of us off. We have sat down and talked about it many times. But no matter how much we agree to change, we just fight again.

    I'm sure it is normal for this to happen in LDR's.... I guess I just wanted some input from everyone. What do you do when you get stuck in a rough patch like this?

    Also, my SO and I seem stuck in a loop right now. Every day is basically the same. He sleeps in, I wake up and go to work. We text back and forth a small amount throughout the day when I get the chance. I come home from work, we skype, he plays a game, I read a book or watch tv. I take care of my animals, he takes care of his (we both have chickens and stuff), I get ready for bed, he games, I say goodnight, and go to bed, he stays up and games. Then the next day starts the same thing all over again. It's just always the SAME right now.... We have tried playing games together, I bought a book of 1000 questions to ask each other, and we have tried doing a few other things together. But we somehow always manage to go back to that same old boring routine. Any advice on what we could do to spice things up a bit?

    My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for just short of a year and a half. We have been best friends for over two years. We have never struggled with finding things to do together until now. I think it is because the last time we saw each other, he was here for three weeks (our longest visit), and we basically were living together during his stay. We slept in the same bed, made meals together, and all of the other things couples that live together do. We just got accustomed to it. Then when he went home and we went back to this, we just ran out of things to do. The stuff that we have always done together over the last two years has become boring and uninteresting compared to how much fun we had while he was here.

    We only have to push through this for two more months. But I REALLY don't want to keep feeling like we have nothing to do/keep fighting like this for that long. It is exhausting enough as it is. So any advice? I'm sorry this post is so long.

    -Ashley
    ~~~ ~~~

    First Met Online: March 13, 2014
    Relationship Began: November 23, 2014
    First Met In Person: June 10-24, 2015
    Second Visit: December 16- January 6, 2015/2016
    Closed The Distance: June 26, 2016
    Got Engaged: February 1, 2018

    #2
    Hate to say it, but maybe cut back a day or two for Skype? Keep up the texts etc., but take a wee break. You both have TONS of stress atm, and are making major life changes. Its not uncommon at all to feel and act this way when you are having major life changes. You two will be living together CD in 2 months!! It IS great that you recognize the pattern, now you need to break the pattern. You know stuff is stupid, then change the subject or come up with a buzz word you both recognize to mean... "this is stupid and we need to stop" Recognize that you are both stressed and he has no support and you have a busy job. Try to stop the fighting and bring it back to love and support. Know that it is ok to walk away and RESPECT the other persons decision to walk away. Don't get to the point where you start to name call or get so angry you start having regrets..
    This will pass.. Best of luck to you two.. rooting for you both

    Comment


      #3
      Thank you, sasad.
      ~~~ ~~~

      First Met Online: March 13, 2014
      Relationship Began: November 23, 2014
      First Met In Person: June 10-24, 2015
      Second Visit: December 16- January 6, 2015/2016
      Closed The Distance: June 26, 2016
      Got Engaged: February 1, 2018

      Comment


        #4
        Hi there Living!

        Looks like you have two main concerns: 1) arguments due to boredom and 2) same old routine, lack of things to do.
        It would seem that if you can find a way to break the routine in #2, it might help solve the issue with arguments in #1 as well.

        Have you guys tried watching some shows together on Hulu or Netflix? This is how my SO and I currently spend our time during the week before she has to go to sleep, and on the weekends we do the same, but occasionally play games as well (Xbox or PC stuff - we used to play Destiny a ton together, now we sort of moved on to Minecraft, and Blade and Soul for a bit). Basically, I get home from work, video call her from my phone and we queue up a tv show and watch together (me on the xbox, and her on her iPad).

        I never used to be a big tv show watcher, I was mainly a gamer in my spare time, which sort of sounds like what your SO is, but try and see if you can get him to watch some shows with you (if you also have that interest). My SO got me into nearly EVERY cooking show on TV (Hell's Kitchen, Master Chef, Master Chef Jr, Chopped, etc) so we watch those, as well as Netflix stuff like House of Cards, Weeds...HBO stuff like Game of Thrones, The Newsroom, etc... We also have our own shows we watch by ourselves (Daredevil, Arrow, Flash, Vikings for me... American Idol, American's Next Top Model, Pretty Little Liars for her... ) though I have watched a few episodes of her shows with her too hehe.

        That's our main routine and has been for pretty much the entire time we've been officially together. We met in a video game actually, an MMORPG, and that's how everything got started hehe. Once you fill the boredom gap, I don't think you'll have much time to fit in those arguments anymore!

        Hope those suggestions help!
        First met online: October 15th, 2011
        First met in-person: July 13th, 2012

        Next meeting: September 21st, 2012

        Comment


          #5
          Thank you!

          That's honestly really helpful. My SO and I always seem so stuck in our usual routines. When we first started dating, our routines always involved stuff we did together. But I've noticed over the last six months, we do our own thing. Which is fine. But like you said, it leads to boredom and of course fighting.

          I'll talk to my SO and see if he would be interested in Netflix. I watch a lot of tv shows already. Bones, American Horror Story, The Walking Dead, etc. I'm sure he would like to watch them with me. It's just getting him away from him games that can be kind of challenging sometimes. Haha

          Thanks again for the suggestion.
          ~~~ ~~~

          First Met Online: March 13, 2014
          Relationship Began: November 23, 2014
          First Met In Person: June 10-24, 2015
          Second Visit: December 16- January 6, 2015/2016
          Closed The Distance: June 26, 2016
          Got Engaged: February 1, 2018

          Comment


            #6
            I told my boyfriend about the Netflix idea, and he seemed very excited about it. So I went ahead and started an account. We plan on binge watching Breaking Bad tonight after I get home from work. Thanks again for the idea, Jayburr!!
            ~~~ ~~~

            First Met Online: March 13, 2014
            Relationship Began: November 23, 2014
            First Met In Person: June 10-24, 2015
            Second Visit: December 16- January 6, 2015/2016
            Closed The Distance: June 26, 2016
            Got Engaged: February 1, 2018

            Comment


              #7
              Hey! It's probably a bit late but I just came across this and I can totally relate. My boyfriend and I have gone through a couple of periods of just bickering, usually he seems a bit off and I get paranoid and frustrated and we start arguing. I think the Netflix idea is a really good idea, it lets you have almost like a 'virtual date'. I found a little space really worked too. Not weeks but perhaps just a day or two and see how things go. I found it helped both of us realise how much we missed each other and were more ready to make an effort wanted to spend time talking and laughing again and you completely forget what you argued about because it was so small and insignificant in the wider scheme of your relationship and how much you want to be together. Sometimes daily life and stresses catch up with you and you general tend to think about them when you've finally sat down in front of the TV or in the car etc. It could be that you've both finally sat down after a hard day to talk to each other but other things play on both your minds. On top of that, sometimes it's just frustrating seeing the person you love right in front of you like that but know they are a million miles away. All these things can add up. Good luck! I'm sure it will work itself out soon

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