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    Long distance sucks

    My SO and I met when I was moving out of state back home to be closer to my family. A lot had happened before meeting him in a previous relationship leading me to wanting/needing to return home to get my life back up and going and the plan was/is to return to that state where he still is. Our biggest issue on my end it seems is communication. He always seems chill/relaxed about the whole relationship like everything is great.

    That's my biggest issue is that I know he's busy with work, family, friends etc but hell so am I but I still make time for him. He forgets to call, if I call him he will say he'll call me back but won't at times. He sometimes takes hours to reply to a message even though he's seen it and has had free time to post, like and share things on Facebook. He's made comments to me before about doing that and how it made him feel and I got better at responses and he does great for a week or so but then slips back into the old habit of just getting to me when he feels like it kinda thing.

    It makes me sad to go back through and read old messages where we'd communicate all the time and even with him at work he'd reply rather quickly. But it seems like the moment we said we'd be a couple is when he started slacking on the communication end.

    Some days it feels as though we are friends who say they love each other or sometimes talk about things etc who meet up every few months. With me being the one that always travels. Not complaining on that because I love traveling to see him, I just wish it were more of an effort on his part as he says he wants to come visit and was supposed to but funds were limited and he couldn't.

    I feel like I'm complaining about mundane bs compared to others but Somedays I do feel like walking away just because I don't feel like I'm that important to him. I have told him on how I feel about walking away and he is always saddened by that thought of me giving up and I feel awful mentioning it the times that I have as that is the last thing I want but Idk how to get him to understand that the lack of communication sometimes bugs me and makes me feel unwanted/unloved/not needed. Especially seems how I go out of my way to make him feel all those things because I don't want him to feel how I feel. He says he loves me and when we talk I can hear it in his voice. I just want to fix this.

    I think the distance gets to me way more than it does him. I believe him when he says that he wants this, that he's very happy in our relationship, as am I on a lot of days. I know he's loyal, he cares more about video games and family than anything lol as I do as I love my PlayStation as well lol There's just that one thing that bugs me so much.

    #2
    Hi and Welcome to LFAD!
    There are many suggestions on this site for things you can do while apart....
    https://members.lovingfromadistance....-Couples-To-Do

    Communication is important in any LDR and you both have to make the effort for it to work.
    Maybe plan a time to talk and share your needs and listen to his needs as well...hope you can both find a solution that works.

    Comment


      #3
      Ty for the response. The thing is we do communicate a lot but it's mainly "GM babe, I love you, I miss you and I hope you have a great day" ...sending lovey sort of stickers, memes to "how was your day?" and me going into detail and him saying " it was really busy" or "it was long" ...I'm more of an opinionated person. I want more details where he gives vague answers.
      On the phone if we talk we communicate very well, we can talk for hours and have no spare room for barly breathing lol. A lot of it is him talking (which I love).

      I have mentioned different things like only talking a couple times a week so that we have more to talk/text about where phone conversations cannot happen that often but he said he prefers us texting everyday and I just find it a bit boring because there's no substance to it. Just basic and I know that sounds awful because so many people on here only hear from their SO on occasion.
      Just something that has bugged me. I've even thought about just not talking to him for a couple days but then after a few hours of me just not responding this text of his I am left feeling horrible so I just deal with the simple texts.

      Idk I guess it makes me feel like he doesn't want to take the time to actually talk to me about the details because he does text his friends about all kinds of things and have long drawn out conversations with them but me I kind of feel forgotten about, not important.

      I do have a visit coming up next weekend so I plan on talking to him more about it then.

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        #4
        Enjoy your visit and keep working together. Each time you both try to listen to each other it will improve.

        Comment


          #5
          Thank you! It's been almost 5 months I am already so excited to be traveling.

          Comment


            #6
            I can totally relate to this. I've read that people have like different types of ways of expressing love (love languages). I am extremely affectionate and talkative I just want to know like what's going on in my partners life and how he's going. But he is super chill and doesn't think it's necessary to Skype all the time. I mean ideally I would like once a day to once every two days but he's happy with once a week.

            We found it helpful to schedule in times to Skype so we definitely got to chat. Like if he's walking to work or if I'm walking to work we will call each other so we always have that time to chat.

            I think you're right to tell him how you feel and maybe give him like an indication of what you would be happy with and then you can both work toward a compromise. But maybe he has a different love language and it doesn't mean he loves you any less it is just more obvious when you're doing LD.

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              #7
              It can be the pits. But, It can also have great rewards.

              First Visit: September 2016
              Second Visit: January 2017 (Her birthday)
              Third Visit: June 2018 (medical conference near her home)

              John 3:16
              For God so loved the world. That he gave his only begotten son. For whosoever believeth in him. Shall not perish but have eternal life
              John 4:12
              I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

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