The worst thing about real-life LDR meetings...

[michy]

...is that they have to end!!

In 10 days my SO and I are about to have our 4th visit, and each time I get horribly nervous the week before- not about seeing him or spending time with him, that part is completely relaxed and natural and perfect- but nervous about how totally WRECKED I get when we say goodbye. I know it hurts him too, but he is not the sort to ever show much surface emotion, whereas if I get sad: I cry. If I get angry: I cry. If it's a beautiful day out: I cry. LOL. He's completely sweet and 100% supportive when I'm in emotional overdrive, but still I feel bad getting so VERY upset at goodbye, and how distressed I am for the couple weeks after it, when he seems so in control!! He ends up giving me a LOT of support after goodbye, as my world feels turned on its head, and I feel kinda guilty for that as I know he's hurting too.

Also, each goodbye gets progressively harder for us both... he actually cried a tear at the last one, which is something he just doesn't do! When he got back home after taking me to the airport, I had left a cup of water sitting on his nightstand from the night before and he told me "I saw it and it was like you'd just gone into the kitchen for a minute... like you'd walk back in the door at any moment".

So... those of who have had to make those wretched longer-term goodbyes, do you find that you & your SO handle them similarly? Or is there a marked difference in how you react to being separated? Does that difference ever feel like a point of strain in the relationship?

And if you've had multiple visits with your SO, do you feel like each goodbye gets harder? Does that feel scary to anyone else when thinking about future visits??

[5000miles]

I am terrified of saying goodbye. I don't know how I'll handle it. We haven't met yet, but our first meeting is coming up soon. I know that I'll be lonely and sad for a while after the trip ends. But eventually I'll get over the sting of goodbye and be happier to have met him and had a week and a half with him.

I'd be interested to hear tips on feeling okay the first couple days after saying goodbye...

[Darth_Taco]

Yeah, leaving always sucks. I see him pretty regularly though, between once a month or once every other month depending on monies. After two years of this, we've kinda got it in our heads that we're gonna see each other again relatively soon :P. So yeah, for us it's gotten easier. As I've posted in another thread though, we're the only freaks who think that way xD.

It's gonna suck, but just remember that you're gonna see them again. It might also help to steal each other's things >.>...<.<...>.>... I always take one of Enrique's shirts and he steals whatever random crap he can get his hands on :'D.

[milaya]

My SO and I doesn't handle goodbyes similar at all.
He is not an "emotional" person at all... (Well... kinds lies in his culture)
So it's me who has to be the "sad" one. It's me who thinks of the amount of time we will be separated, where he always just says "but, we'll meet again."
Normally I can refrain myself from crying, but not when he left the last time. Since we're normally apart for about 6 weeks, but this time it would be 16 weeks. So that was really hard on me and I spend most of our last day together crying. But he was really supportive in his own way. Would just let me cry while holding me... not trying to make me stop.
Also the last morning I cried a lot, where he immediately pulled me in close and hugged me... once again without saying anything. Think that is the best for me. Don't need to hear: "but, we'll meet soon again", "Time will go by fast" etc.
Because, yeah... bo matter what... goodbyes are hard. Really hard.

[Karringtyn]

For me...it doesn't get easier...each time I am more and more closer..

My advice to you....

The first couple of days after...immerse yourself into your every day life. I schedule my work schedule full...and make plans so I am out and about and not lying in bed depressed. I make sure my mind is occupied with busy busy stuff.

Focus on the visit..and not look ahead to the "see you later"...because if you don't...you are sucking the life out of the visit and draining it of what it can be...trust me on this!

[Dauntedpoet]

Okay so I'm new here, but I've had lots and lots of experience saying goodbye to my love. Initially we were polar opposites, I cried and hugged and couldn't take my eyes off of him, where he was a hug and a wave with "I will email you as soon as I get home, so you will know I'm safe." I always sort of felt like a bit of a wreck because he handled it so well, but over the years (our first good bye was in 2001) it's gotten so he can't hide his tears as he use to be able too. He told me how much it hurts him to see me cry, which makes perfect sense as it hurts me to see him cry, so we both smile through the tears and tell each other jokes. We NEVER leave each other without planning our next meeting, and I always look well past that date so I won't be disappointed because life does happen. I always sneak something into his suitcase for him to find once he's home, as it gives me something to look forward to him telling me about. I also always make plans for the day or two after he is gone, visiting my brother and my nieces and nephews or hanging out with friends, just to keep myself busy.

[NaNi]

When I visited my SO for the very first time for 5 wonderful long weeks and we finally had to say goodbye around 5 am in the morning at the airport... it broke us both. We were sitting on a few steps, not looking at each other. I could feel my chest tighten and the tears coming. I swung around and hugged my SO quickly. She was already crying too. We just sat there and hugged and cried until I had to go and after our final soft kiss... I was just crying and crying and crying while walking through the airport. I felt so numb. Lost. I just couldn't stop crying. I cried while writing her a Facebook message on a computer, I cried on the plane, I cried... all the time. For many many hours. My SO told me that she couldn't stop crying either. She had been sitting in her car crying; watching the plane take off. It was horrible. And it won't get easier. Unfortunately.

[Caity]

I hated saying goodbye to my SO. We met for the first time this summer and we had a wonderful 3 weeks together. I was trying to hold back tears the whole day, especially during the ride to the airport together, but he kept making me smile by telling me jokes. When we finally said goodbye at the airport I was crying but he made me laugh again and kept hugging me, he nearly cried too, but he managed to hold them back. When I was walking to the gate I was trying to hold back the tears then and i nearly started on the plane too. My SO told me when i got home that he'd been crying for ages. When he'd gone to bed it all came to him at once that I wasn't there and then he got all upset so we talked on msn for a while when i got back, even though it was 1 in the morning.it's been 3 weeks now, and we're coping but sometimes we get the off moment. Yesterday he rang me up at 4 in the morning cause he couldn't sleep cause he said something had just snapped and he missed me so much and he was in tears for ages. Now we're trying to focus on our next visit to keep us happy and things have pretty much gone back to normal.

[bigmac62]

Usually, whenever this happens, I'm usually the one crying, because it's so hard watching her go away after it seems she just got here. After almost three years, it still seems like it hasn't gotten any easier.

It's one of those inevitabilities that every relationshop has to deal with. If you feel you have to cry, cry. I like to think that every single goodbye is just one less goodbye before you reach your ultimate goal of closing the distance and being together forever.

[vixx360]

We are both a nightmare when it comes to goodbyes, we each try to hold it together which means for the day or so before we part I can't look at him because if I do I'll cry and then he'll try to comfort me and then.... I'll cry and then he gets upset because I'm upset and then .... we cry... can you see the pattern?

So we spend the day trying to avoid crying which becomes the pair of us just getting really distant and introverted and then we try to be all matter of fact about it but as soon as we look at each other we just end up in a wet snotty mess lol. we end up just pressed up against each other hugging, neither of us wanting to let go. He has always broken it with an "it'll be ok babe, not long til the next time" and we have to walk away. The first time I cried all the way to Hong Kong, sobbing quietly to myself on the plane.

The worst bit is the next couple of weeks, we both grieve for weeks over the loss of each other and as we both suffer from clinical depression we end up in a right mess. Eventually one of us pulls ourselves together and we start to get back to normal and can begin to stop thinking we've lost something and start remembering that we have had the gift of spending time together.

It does get harder everytime and i'm totally dreading that part of this next visit at Christmas because i know I won't be able to let go and i'm not sure that we will be able to plan the next visit

but I do get to spend three weeks with him...... yeah - Note to self; focus on the good bits, remember to focus on the good bits

[elina]

Ugh.. saying goodbye is the suckiest thing ever Sam never cries because of anything but we're both the same when one of us has to leave.. we cry. We try to hold it back at the airport, Sam can barely do it.. and I can't It's just awful.

Usually it's Sam who's able to be the stronger one. That one and only time (so far) I've had to be the one leaving, he had to tell me to go so many times before I actually did it was a nightmare.. I can never get enough of him.. his hugs or kisses..

The time we get to spend together is always sooooo great and perfect.. but then (usually the night before or the day before that) the reality hits and we start to cry.. That's just how it's gonna be for now though so we're dealing with it. We have no choice, we're gonna stay strong until we'll be able to close the distance.

[Tabitha]

My SO and I both handle the goodbyes badly, even though we're usually together for at least ten days every month or six weeks. We both cry off and on for hours before one of us has to leave. It's pretty sad. It never gets easier for us. We so look forward to May when the distance ends so we don't have to miss each other like that any more.

[amandamayaaa]

yesss i know what you mean exactly.

the week before is just utter excitement, like oh my god i can't believe i'm seeing you in x amount of days. like right now-only 3 days until he comes here! the days just seem to crawwwwwlll!

but then once we finally see eachother, it sucks because as the days go by, we think oh theres only x amount of days until you leave it's so sad because we appreciate every single second we're with eachother.. and then when we are with eachother, we can't help but think.. this has to end soon.. and it's not far at all.

and yeah we usually both end up crying, and i hate seeing him cry, because then it makes me want to cry! and i hate seeing him upset, and knowing that the reason he's upset is because of me.. obviously we can't help the distance.. but i just feel so helpless, and i wish we didn't have to worry about goodbyes

and vixx i do agree, when we get upset i always say well just rememebr what amazing times we just had togehter, and think about the next time we'll get to be with eachother! and for us we're closing the distance in a year.. but right now that feels like a lifetime!

[Andy]

In 10 days my SO and I are about to have our 4th visit, and each time I get horribly nervous the week before- not about seeing him or spending time with him, that part is completely relaxed and natural and perfect- but nervous about how totally WRECKED I get when we say goodbye. I know it hurts him too, but he is not the sort to ever show much surface emotion, whereas if I get sad: I cry. If I get angry: I cry. If it's a beautiful day out: I cry. LOL. He's completely sweet and 100% supportive when I'm in emotional overdrive, but still I feel bad getting so VERY upset at goodbye, and how distressed I am for the couple weeks after it, when he seems so in control!! He ends up giving me a LOT of support after goodbye, as my world feels turned on its head, and I feel kinda guilty for that as I know he's hurting too.

I think the first thing I have to say is you're going to be together in 10 days!

Tanja does this sometimes, there'll be a positive right in front of it, but she'll skip right over it and move onto a negative but I aint having any of it

The goodbye is a negative that comes with your positive, it goes without saying. But would you rather not have the positive? Of course not!

I know it's heart-wrenching, it really is, but please try and think of the wonderful time you'll get together first. And your visit is so soon too! I'm sure you'll have a great time together

Don't be worrying abut the goodbye until the goodbye. In our LDR's we have to savour every single second we get together. This is something I came to learn very fast, mainly after my first visit to see Tanja. I cried my little heart out on the plane home. All the way home

But on every single visit since then, I've genuinely enjoyed, and made sure I've enjoyed every second I spend in her company. She doesn't notice this but I'm always loking at her, if we're just watching some TV, I'm usually just gazing at her half the time, I can't help myself

It's because I know it won't last forever. I won't be on that sofa for too long, I'll be back on my own bed in no time. It feels like it might never happen when you're there, but it does, and so so fast too.

Anyway, that's my little pep talk over with

As for mine and Tanja's goodbyes, they don't get easier in all honestly. They never get easier. If they get easier for you then you're one of the lucky ones

Last time I help it together quite well on our final day, Tanja didn't in all honesty, she cried a hell of a lot. But the previous day it was the other way round, I got most of it out of my system then, I think it hit me all of a sudden that we'd had almost 6 weeks together and tomorrow it was over. I cried a lot that day and she was generally ok and tried cheering me up. But on our last day I didn't cry once. I was even ok in the airport, then as soon as I got up to go to my gate, and we started what I knew was going to be our last hug, then I can't hold it back once it gets to that point. I can never hold it back then, it's a helpless, horrendous feeling. Then I just feel numb and empty all the way home, the rest of the day, the rest of that weekend mostly.

By the 3rd or 4th day I'm usually ok. I get over that feeling fairly quickly and it just goes away. I don't usually have many weak days after that, although I've had a couple more than I usually would have this time, but that's more to do with other circumstances really that have got me feeling down about our relationship.

Tanja usually takes a bit longer, and sometimes she'll go a few days not feeling too bad before it hits her. I hate that moment

I wish it would get easier but I have to say it just doesn't, and I don't think it ever will... saying that, I think our next goodbye might not be too bad because we know we'll be back together in 2-3 weeks

But those are special circumstances so it doesn't count hehe

[sam]

Well, I always seem to cry either one day, or two days before I have to leave. I never cry at the airport, and I never cry on the plane home. I never cry.. at any point after I've left :s

It's always one/two days before I leave, and for some reason it hits me and.. it sucks

Elina always crys at the airport and I wont lie, I do have to try pretty hard to hold it back, but I do. Last time we met, was the first ever time that she left me. She left the UK to go to Finland, and gooooood, that was hard.. Harder than it's ever been.
Whenever I'm there and I have to leave, I can.. do it. I know I have to leave, and prefer to just go in enough time and get it over and done with, but she just couldnt leave me.. I had to tell her 3 or 4 times to, and that was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, cause she was crying her eyes out. I dont really plan on letting that happen again, so every time from now on when we see each other, I'd prefer to go there x)