how do i handle it

[chezaun]

I am so confuse. I hardly even get time to talk with him anymore. He's always busy or that's what he says.

[Chris516]

I am so confuse. I hardly even get time to talk with him anymore. He's always busy or that's what he says.

You are better than him.

[Starryj]

Exactly the same situation as mine.
For about two months and a half, his words were like 'sorry for being busy thesedays' or 'miss you' or 'same schedule: eating, homework, sleep'
I could not complain for his BUSY schedule even though I felt fatally(?) missing him or empty or confused about my attitude.
The fact that he is being stressed a bit with participating in challenging group project and he is still missing me is not helpful anymore.

Have you asked him to let you know about his schedule or at least leave his trace on your chatting room?
Guys are hard to understand as guys may feel the same as us.

There MUST be some time to talk to be clear about that.
About what you want in detail. It does not work sometimes, though.

[sasad]

I seriously don't think its about either being "better" than the other...
Like Starryj says, you NEED to make time to talk. We all get stressed out with work. But he would probably feel better after talking with you : )

Ask him on date. Set a time for both of you alone. Make plans to reconnect at specific time. Talk about what he needs to, to let off stress, then you, then shut the door on that and be a couple.

[Cup]

Talk to him. Be honest. Don't accuse him of pretending to be busy, even if you don't believe him, I wouldn't recommend doubting him. He can be busy. Text him to plan a date.

I'm not the best person to get advice from cause we just broke up, but I did go through this. When I was going through it, I tried to find the real reason behind me feeling insecure of him losing contact. For me it was simple, we haven't had a DTR so I didn't even know if we wanted the same things so his lack of contact made me think he was loosing interest. In my case that was true, but yours really can be busy!

I think that if someone feels secure in their relationship, having your contact lessen during some periods shouldn't be that hard. Also the worse thing you can do is start nagging about how you don't talk as much anymore. So search yourself deeply, see if there's something more important going on, if there is, ask yourself what you want from him, how can you solve the real problem; then text him to plan a date. Do not use the phrase 'we need to talk'. Then talk about it! Be honest and thorough, there's nothing better than an honest conversation about feelings!

If there isn't anything deeper going on and you just miss your time together, then start doing things. Get yourself busy! Go to the gym, pick up an old hobby, start a new one! Grab a couple of friends and go for a coffee! See this as free time! Being in an ldr means hard work, take this time off and relax! You don't have to talk everyday for it to work. If you find yourself always checking the time, a habit you probably adopted unknowingly since the beginning of the ldr, stop doing it! You need time for yourself and this is a good indicator! Trust yourself and trust him!

Take care and keep us posted!

[Chris516]

I seriously don't think its about either being "better" than the other...
Like Starryj says, you NEED to make time to talk. We all get stressed out with work. But he would probably feel better after talking with you : )

Ask him on date. Set a time for both of you alone. Make plans to reconnect at specific time. Talk about what he needs to, to let off stress, then you, then shut the door on that and be a couple.

He isn't making the time to talk. But he is making the time to come up with a better excuse, than the one before.

[sasad]

He isn't making the time to talk. But he is making the time to come up with a better excuse, than the one before.

Yup.. exactly what the OP said. Not.

Blowing him off and dissing him is also not the answer. Communicating to find out what is going on is. I have a job. I work in public schools. We have SOLs in a couple weeks. My SO KNOWS its hell time and I will be busy and tired so he won't worry. I TALKED to him about it and its ok.

[Chris516]

Yup.. exactly what the OP said. Not.

Blowing him off and dissing him is also not the answer. Communicating to find out what is going on is. I have a job. I work in public schools. We have SOLs in a couple weeks. My SO KNOWS its hell time and I will be busy and tired so dint worry. I TALKED to him about it and its ok.

We can believe the OP's guy is genuinely busy, constantly, and the OP is being clingy at the same time. I prefer to believe, that he is 'pulling the wool over her eyes'. Why, Because someone who constantly saying they are too busy to talk. Is hiding something.

While it is great that your SO knows when it is 'hell time' for you at school and that you are busy especially during those times. Unless the OP's SO has communicated, not just his being busy. But also why he is busy. That he is not holding up his end by communicating more than just 'I am busy'

[whatruckus]

Chris, OP's post is so vague that I'm pretty confused where you're coming up with all of this information from.

All OP said was their SO has been busy and not really making time for them. Nothing more. We have no idea if OP has tried to talk to him, asked him what was wrong, what the situation between them is...etc. So, for you to just go out on a limb just automatically assume that OP's SO is a mean person, who the OP is "better than" is a little ridiculous. We don't know what OP's SO's occupation is or anything. Doctors can be that busy, military personnel can be that busy, law enforcement can be that busy. We don't know if maybe something happened in OP's life or the SO's life to make them busy. Is it a possibility OP's SO could be lying, yes. But, we don't know any thing. OP hasn't replied or posted since last night.

You're not giving good advice by outright dissing OP's SO. I noticed it's something you tend to do with topics like this. You immediately bash the OP, or bash the OP's SO.

[sasad]

We can believe the OP's guy is genuinely busy, constantly, and the OP is being clingy at the same time. I prefer to believe, that he is 'pulling the wool over her eyes'. Why, Because someone who constantly saying they are too busy to talk. Is hiding something.

While it is great that your SO knows when it is 'hell time' for you at school and that you are busy especially during those times. Unless the OP's SO has communicated, not just his being busy. But also why he is busy. That he is not holding up his end by communicating more than just 'I am busy'

We can believe? No, YOU can believe... I'm not sure why you seem to be so bitter and automatically "assume" people are hiding stuff when they have a job and life.... And not sure what you mean by the OP being clingy?

As mentioned to you before, we don't know what his job is, what his restrictions are or anything. I do hope that whatever it is that has you so defensive, gets better.

[Asuna]

I have only been dating for over three months now. But I was told about a month and a half ago that he would be moving from somewhere that was only an hour away from me to a completely different country. I later found out I would have to wait five years to see my loved one.......what do i do?? I want to see him but it'll hurt more when I leave if i visit then if i just stayed here....I don't know what to do?!?!

[R&R]

Welcome to LFAD.

This can be the reality for LD couples. There can be extreme time frames between visits. Many of us spend years going back and forth before being able to close the distance. Personally, next month it will be a year since I last saw my SO. We've been togethter over 2 1/2 years. It's part of the sacrifice of being with a partner who doesn't live near you. Why would it be 5 years before you would see him again?

As with any relationship, you have two choices. You put all you can into making your relationship work (emails, letters, calls, Skype, visits when you can, etc) while still maintaining your life (job, friends, hobbies) or you end the relationship. Only you can decide what is going to work for you.

[Asuna]

Ok so. The reason I won't see him for five years is because every break/holiday he is busy or visiting a new country. He can't come back here but he can visit further countries....for some reason.

With the whole skyping things, video chats. I can't do those with him cause he simply has a phobia of those kinds of things. I kind of do but I would do it if it meant I got to see him.

[sasad]

Have you met Irl or vid chatted at all?

[Asuna]

I've met him before and my best friend knows him.