how do i handle it

[R&R]

Ok so. The reason I won't see him for five years is because every break/holiday he is busy or visiting a new country. He can't come back here but he can visit further countries....for some reason.

If he already has planned that for five years he will be doing something other than visiting you, I think that tells you exactly where you are as a priority. I'm not saying you would need to spend every break/holiday together, but there should be some balance. You've only put three months into this. I'd say each go your own way for the time being. In five years, if you are both single and want to revisit the relationship, then go ahead. Don't waste 5 years of your life waiting for this guy. You could pass up so many opportunites because of that.

[sasad]

If he already has planned that for five years he will be doing something other than visiting you, I think that tells you exactly where you are as a priority. I'm not saying you would need to spend every break/holiday together, but there should be some balance. You've only put three months into this. I'd say each go your own way for the time being. In five years, if you are both single and want to revisit the relationship, then go ahead. Don't waste 5 years of your life waiting for this guy. You could pass up so many opportunites because of that.

Totally agree!
You have no plans at all to meet up and doesn't sound like you Skype etc at all.
Do you have a commitment at all??

[Asuna]

My only commitment is him. Nothing else. Me and him were going to stick for the 5 years how ever it turns out. I text him everyday and we send each other notes every now and then. I would visit him out of the blue but I don't think I have enough money (but thats not to much of a problem since I wouldn't be far from). I know he has had these plans when he moved to Australia but I know also he wasn't the one that decided them (it was his dad, who doesn't like me). So he would ditch them for me if he could but his father won't let him.

[R&R]

I just noticed you are 13. Now I definitely stick by my words to not wait the 5 years and see what happens after. Even if you were CD, so much can happen between the ages of 13-18. There is no reason you can't be friends but I wouldn't hold onto a romantic relationship that long at such a young age. That's way too much pressure on the both of you.

[Asuna]

None of this answered my question....not even close too. I'm sticking with him.

[LivingInWonderland]

None of this answered my question....not even close too. I'm sticking with him.

My advice would be to do what you feel is right. The age of 13 is very young for a serious relationship. At that age, it honestly may not be as serious as you feel that it is. As the others stated, a lot can change in five years. Especially after going through puberty and finding yourself. Trust me. I will be 18 next week, and I am nothing like the girl I was five years ago. Nor do I want the same things I did then. My goals and dreams, and everything I ever wanted has changed as I have grown as a person. You will go through the same. But that doesn't mean you have to give up on your relationship. If you want to date this boy, that is up to you and him. Long distance relationships are tough. And because of how much you will grow and change as a person, don't expect this relationship to last the five years. Give it a go. If it lasts, great! That's awesome for both of you. If not, then at least you have the experience and you will have something to grow and learn from.

As for visits, it is going to be tough for the two of you to see each other, as young as you are. Financially, you will STRUGGLE to see him. It's not impossible, but it is going to feel that way. Plane and bus tickets are expensive. And of course parents will also come in to play. I don't know any parent that would want their 13 year old child traveling that far to see their boyfriend. It took months for me to convince my mom to let me fly 800 miles to see my boyfriend, when I was 16. If he moves close by you, it is going to be a lot easier for the two of you to make time for visits. If he doesn't move, then you may have to wait a few years before that becomes a possibility.

I wish you the best.

[Elizabeth123]

what do i do?? I want to see him but it'll hurt more when I leave if i visit then if i just stayed here....I don't know what to do?!?!

Your relationship is very new...communicating will help build it. Have you talked with your SO about how to share time with each other (skype/text/emails)?
There is a lot of good info on this website...read and share with your SO.
Your parents should meet your SO and his parents then perhaps a visit could be arranged.

[Asuna]

My mother isn't so into it but she's always like that with me. She doesn't want me to do anything but my sister can do everything. As for my dad is a different story. He offered that i could see him if i wished and he would come with me (to meet him and so I wouldn't be alone in such a big place).

[sasad]

My mother isn't so into it but she's always like that with me. She doesn't want me to do anything but my sister can do everything. As for my dad is a different story. He offered that i could see him if i wished and he would come with me (to meet him and so I wouldn't be alone in such a big place).

Your sister is probably older.. I would not let my 13 year old daughter fly by herself to meet a boy and his family alone. That and the fees airlines charge for children flying alone.
Like everyone said, and I know you don't want to hear it, you are 13 and things will change a lot for you over the years, especially after puberty. That you said "None of this answered my question....not even close too. I'm sticking with him. " shows us that you didn't get what you wanted to hear from us. We are being honest and we DID answer you.
You also NEED to communicate. You have met him once? Your best friend knows him? Yet you don't Skype and talk. And THAT is the most important thing for any relationship

[Asuna]

I do talk to him. I text him EVERYDAY. My sister is actually younger than me. And my mum knows if i went over i would be going with my dad.

[whatruckus]

I do talk to him. I text him EVERYDAY. My sister is actually younger than me. And my mum knows if i went over i would be going with my dad.

Talking and texting are two very different things though. Texting is easy. I could text with my eyes closed, no emotion behind them. But, actually talking to someone on the phone, hear their voice, have them hear my voice...that's different. And then Skyping, or webchatting, that's a-whole-nother ball game.

I think regardless, you need to understand that you still live with your parents. You're still very much dependent on your parents. You're 13. You can't drive yet (I don't think? I don't know how it is in NZ), and I doubt you have the funds to travel yourself. It sucks, but yea, age is counting against you. You rely heavily on your parents for everything.

Your little sister might "get away with everything", but is she dating someone who lives almost 1500 miles away? Is she trying to see this boy who lives 1500 miles away? My guess is...probably not. You're still in Middle School (or whatever type of school it's called for you). You're still considered a child by law.

You're not liking what anyone is saying, which is typical for someone who only wants to hear something that aligns to what they're thinking. We're older, much older. Most of us are double + your age. We know how being in an LDR is. Especially if we've been in them for YEARS. Some of us have even been in multiple LDR's over the years. It's work. It's money. It's responsibilities. If you don't have the money to do this on your own, nor the authority (because you're under age), you need to rely on your parents. And, if they're not okay with it, they're not okay with it. You can try and convince them otherwise, but you need to show that you are mature enough and responsible enough. Pick up more chores around the house, offer to do things for your parents, offer to take your sister places, or babysit your sister.

When I was 13, I was "online dating" a kid that lived in South Carolina, 800 miles away from where I lived. All we did was talk on AOL (oh man, that shows my age). It didn't go anywhere. My parents found out and flipped out on me about it. What happened? It actually fizzled out before my parents even found out about it. We weren't serious. We were 13. Even when I was 16 and dating someone from my high school, it wasn't serious.

I changed a lot from the time I was 13 to even when I got into high school. I'm going to be 28 next month. The next 5 years you will change so much, and even I will change a lot in 5 years. Tastes change, people change.

Also, we don't sugarcoat anything when we give advice. Regardless of age. We will be honest with you, in the most respectful way that we can. We're not trying to stomp on your dreams either, we're trying to be realistic. The real world and the fantasy you want to happen in your head are almost always completely opposite. It sucks. Even now, I'm still trying to come to grips with it.

[Asuna]

We'll I talk to him on messenger (the app that comes off facebook) and we have heard each others voices through 'voice messages'. As for chores. I don't have any. I don't have to be asked to do them because I do them anyway for the help of mum since she's a single mother. Mum won't take me because she doesn't have a good enough paying job so that's why my dad would, and he goes over there for work every now and again. I do as much as i can to help my parents. I take care of all of my siblings and I do clean the house after them all. I do understand I live with my parents, I have understood that for years and I live under their rules, which is why I haven't already just left by myself. And plus if i went over there I already know half of his family.

[C.C.]

Voice messages? I don't know. Live voice and video conversations are different. Still, I probably shouldn't be saying this, but there was a couple who managed on texts for years before the girl got a webcam. There are exceptions. but. You'll have to live your life, get to know a lot of new people, change schools as well probably?, etc. You WILL change, and you may or may not match the changes your SO goes through. You'll need to be EXTREMELY lucky for that to happen even in cdr, let alone ldrs.
I am 19 and I laugh a lot when I remember how silly I was when I was 13. I remember all my crushes as well, and I was in a relationship when I was 16. And I thought I had met the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We broke up quickly and now both of us think that we were a huge mismatch

If I am honest, I don't like your attitude. Okay, you are too sure in your relationship and you are too eager to dedicate your life to it, but you ask for an advice and then disregard it.

You have two choices. Either you stay friends till you can meet again, or you wait as a couple till then. Now it's totally up to both of you and no one's really getting in the way of that choice. However whatever they are saying is something you have to be more open-minded about and actually consider. No one here is trying to scold you or anything, everyone is a third person adult who has no ties with you and is giving an objective advice. I think it's okay to stay as a couple but only with the mindset of "let's see if this works out online", not with the mindset of "this will definitely work out, because we love each other", because that is just naive and it will strain your relationship overall. You can keep the romance going, you can have fun, but you HAVE to live as well. You need to stop thinking about meeting him and making that as your top priority, because your life is of utmost importance. Not that.

Love and romance are great, but even if you were an adult, it wouldn't fulfill you unless you were a whole person yourself, which you can't be at 13 at least. Do whatever you want, but don't forget about that, and stop complaining about your mother or your SO's father. Many many many parents in the world wouldn't be pleased with their 13 year old being in a relationship AND especially, ldr one.

Best of luck, either way~

[Asuna]

Cool you don't like my attitude��wasn't born to impress you. My questing was should I visit him or not. Bye

[Asuna]

Wasn't complaining bout parent's either.