I think we had a fight... what now?

[Astysuphos]

Hi lovely LFAD friends,

Im in a ldr for a bit more then 9 months now, and i enjoy it so much. My relationship always was very close to perfect. Perfect communication, all determination, and lots of love. Last februari my boyfriend went to the Military for 4 months. Him going there was a yolo action. He just wanted to experience what it is like to be in the military. 4 months is very long, but we survived the first 2 months, had a visit and a month after we had a visit again. In 1 week he is actually done with his military. 2 Weeks ago i went to visit him and everything was fine, lovely and nice.

Since he went to the military, ofcourse, our communication was cut down from almost 24/7 to almost nothing but i understood that. He is very introverted so in the weekends when he was home he needed some alone time and so i wouldnt bother him that much. It was a lonely period but i understood his point of view in de situation and i accepted that. However about 4 weeks ago he would just stop replying after saying one sentence, and when i would ask to skype he didnt react to it and just didnt reply or said anything. Since it was the last month of his military i thought it might had gotten very hard. When i went to visit him everything was fine. After that he just stopped texting me unless i texted him, though whenever i texted him he would just stop texting back when i tried to hold up the conversation.

Last thursday i was just done. I'm currently having my final exams which really stress me out, and are hard. I expected my bf to be there the last weekend to help me stress out on skype, chat or anything but no, not a single text wishing me luck or aksing me how it went. He only asked me how it went if I sent him something like, 'omg the exam was so hard' and when then stopped replying. He also didnt wanna skype and now hes just not saying anything. I called im last thursday explaining i felt really ignored and sad because he wasn't there for me. He didn't say much, when i asked why it was he said he had been thinking and that he couldnt come visit me in 3 weeks. (He would be there when i would get my exam results) i broke down because i was so excited for that and now its all just not gonna happen. I forgot to ask more and said bye and hung up. Then i texted him i would want to continue the convo later but that i was too sad. Ever since he hasnt said anything. I asked him twice to skype to talk it out but he just didnt reply (he did read it)

I feel like he doens't want to fight for our relationship anymore right now and i don't know what to do, im sad and a bit mad that he doesnt even inform how im feeling even though i hung up crying and telling him how sad i was but nope, no msg at all. He is just gaming 24/7 but how can you have time for gaming even though u know ur girlfriend is sad... I feel left on my own and lonely.

I think i really needed to write it all out so thanks if you have read the whole post...

/tldr: We had a argument last thursday because i felt ignored. I cried and he stated he couldnt come visit me so i forgot to ask further. Now he just doesnt reply even though i asked twice to talk this out and i feel really terrible and lonely.

[Katy_G]

I'm sorry to hear this is happening.

It is possible that he is going through some thing too that he needs to sort out, hence his taking some sort of space. Perhaps gently asking how he is may help break the ice---and also help show him that you do care, and are willing to fight for him and your relationship.

In the end it's up to you how long you will keep reaching out to him if he continues to shut you out. Best of luck.

[Astysuphos]

Thank you for your advice <3 But honestly i dont know if i should be the one breaking the ice, again... so far ive always done it and tried twice but he doesnt reply. I feel like its totally up to him taking the initiative to make up or shut me out. But im afraid this might continue forever and lose him this way... LDR is so hard at these moments :C

[Katy_G]

That's one of the challenges about an LDR, indeed.

As to whether you should break the ice this time, you have to ask if you're willing to give him this one chance again. IF he doesnt' take it, then you've done your part and it's his loss, I'm afraid.

As for your feeling that he isn't taking the initaitive, this is something I hope you and your boyfriend can work out---not during this fight, but on some other conducive occasion soon.

[Hollandia]

When you hear the words "I've been thinking" and " I can't visit you" it really would make me think he is having second thoughts. Your at a point where things usually progress forward or grow stale and die. You really should have a conversation with him about what his mindset is on this. It might hurt but you deserve the truth.

I would probably wait a few weeks and tell him you need a "sit down". Tell him it's it is very important and schedule a time and hash it out. Some people really dread this "where are we?" relationship talk but after 9 months you really should both know where you stand. This is just a part of a natural progression of long term relationship. If you two are going to eventually live happily ever after you have to both be equally invested and this is even more important in an LDR.