I think I need advice..

[Moon]

I can't figure out what kind of advice, other than talk to him or dump him, you're hoping to get here. As far as I can see it your options are limited to:

*Have a serious conversation about how this jerk treats you
*Walk away now, he's extremely selfish, and quite frankly, just not that into you
*Continue being treated like doormat until he tires of you

If you think he's going to wake up one day, and see the light of what an appalling boyfriend he is, apologize profusely, and start treating you like his queen, you're delusional. I don't intend to sound cruel, but it's you who is allowing him to act this way by your acceptance of his horrible behavior. There are a few things that stand out to me, that shows me this isn't just a bit of ignorance on his part, but that you're dating someone who is either the biggest narcissist ever, or does not feel the same way about you as you do about him:
*You thought it was sweet that he picked you up at the airport - That isn't sweet, that's normal. How else were you supposed to get there?
*He made himself food, and not only didn't make you any, but didn't even ask you if you wanted anything. That shows he couldn't care less about your comfort, or that he is concerned about you at all
*He's never affectionate with you at all, after time apart. He doesn't kiss you unless he's drunk, and makes you pleasure him with nothing in return at all. Why in the world do you allow this???

Personally, I don't think talking to him will help, I'd walk away now, but you cannot continue to make excuses for this behavior when you clearly accept it. You allow him to treat you this way, you never say anything, and let him treat you terribly. He has absolutely no reason to change, he's already proven he doesn't care about your feelings, and you just acquiesce to everything anyway. This is as much your fault as it is his.

People here have advised you well after your asking for our advice, then you make it seem as if WE don't understand, and make excuses for that dick you're dating. Again, I'm not sure what you expected, but you don't really have any other options than the ones I've spelt out for you. I apologize for being harsh, but you don't seem to be getting it. Talk to him, leave him, or put up with it. That's what you've got. Good luck.

[Chris516]

Honestly I wouldn't bother. What would be the point of continuing to see this guy?

OP, This is my question, too!!(mad at him, not you)

No, you don't lose weight for another person. You do it because you want if for you.

You know this person is using you. You know he doesn't treat you well. You say he does nothing for you. Why would you want to stay in a relationship like that? And don't say because you love him - real, valid reasons why you want to be with someone like that.

OP, I second this. Also, To boot. He is rotting brain cells every time he gets drunk.

[Zoë Hange]

I can't figure out what kind of advice, other than talk to him or dump him, you're hoping to get here. As far as I can see it your options are limited to:

*Have a serious conversation about how this jerk treats you
*Walk away now, he's extremely selfish, and quite frankly, just not that into you
*Continue being treated like doormat until he tires of you

If you think he's going to wake up one day, and see the light of what an appalling boyfriend he is, apologize profusely, and start treating you like his queen, you're delusional. I don't intend to sound cruel, but it's you who is allowing him to act this way by your acceptance of his horrible behavior. There are a few things that stand out to me, that shows me this isn't just a bit of ignorance on his part, but that you're dating someone who is either the biggest narcissist ever, or does not feel the same way about you as you do about him:
*You thought it was sweet that he picked you up at the airport - That isn't sweet, that's normal. How else were you supposed to get there?
*He made himself food, and not only didn't make you any, but didn't even ask you if you wanted anything. That shows he couldn't care less about your comfort, or that he is concerned about you at all
*He's never affectionate with you at all, after time apart. He doesn't kiss you unless he's drunk, and makes you pleasure him with nothing in return at all. Why in the world do you allow this???

Personally, I don't think talking to him will help, I'd walk away now, but you cannot continue to make excuses for this behavior when you clearly accept it. You allow him to treat you this way, you never say anything, and let him treat you terribly. He has absolutely no reason to change, he's already proven he doesn't care about your feelings, and you just acquiesce to everything anyway. This is as much your fault as it is his.

People here have advised you well after your asking for our advice, then you make it seem as if WE don't understand, and make excuses for that dick you're dating. Again, I'm not sure what you expected, but you don't really have any other options than the ones I've spelt out for you. I apologize for being harsh, but you don't seem to be getting it. Talk to him, leave him, or put up with it. That's what you've got. Good luck.

I understand that you have to sound a little harsh... sometimes that's a wake up call.
Although, I am not saying that people don't understand it, and I'm also not making excuses, that is really uncalled for, and you are laying words in my mouth. Sometimes, being -that- harsh just offends someone, but doesn't really help. This is difficult for me, and I don't just throw people away. I'm not that easy. It's an emotional thing and I feel sad and bad about what is going on. It's not that I don't get it, it's that I feel bad. Those are different things. The last thing I need is passive agressive people to respond.

Apart from the others who have been kind and given me advice, thanks a lot!

[R&R]

I understand that you have to sound a little harsh... sometimes that's a wake up call.
Although, I am not saying that people don't understand it, and I'm also not making excuses, that is really uncalled for, and you are laying words in my mouth. Sometimes, being -that- harsh just offends someone, but doesn't really help. This is difficult for me, and I don't just throw people away. I'm not that easy. It's an emotional thing and I feel sad and bad about what is going on. It's not that I don't get it, it's that I feel bad. Those are different things. The last thing I need is passive agressive people to respond.

Apart from the others who have been kind and given me advice, thanks a lot!

I understand you feeling sad. You put your trust in someone who isn't worthy of it. You've allowed yourself to be used by him. I can also understand if you feel bad becuase things have gotten this far and shouldn't have. Somehow, though, I get the feeling that you feel bad for him in some way. Honestly, don't feel badly for him at all.

Many on here know my background and one LDR I did off and on for 8 years. Yes, 8. It was all about him, what made him happy, etc. I wore my hair how he liked it, kept it the color he liked it. He was controlling. He could be out of contact with me, but heaven forbid he couldn't reach me at home, on my cell or at work. I ignored his cheating. Even after he got another woman pregnant, I was there for him. (That did, however, end our romantic relationship for the last time.) I put up with so much from him. It took a long time for me to realize I deserved better. Should I have "thrown him away"? Yes, I should have. When someone is abusive, uses you, does nothing for you, you have every single right to throw him away. This goes for friendships as well as relationships. Don't be stupid like I was and let it take up that much of your life. Learn from my mistakes. Please.

[Moon]

I understand that you have to sound a little harsh... sometimes that's a wake up call.
Although, I am not saying that people don't understand it, and I'm also not making excuses, that is really uncalled for, and you are laying words in my mouth. Sometimes, being -that- harsh just offends someone, but doesn't really help. This is difficult for me, and I don't just throw people away. I'm not that easy. It's an emotional thing and I feel sad and bad about what is going on. It's not that I don't get it, it's that I feel bad. Those are different things. The last thing I need is passive agressive people to respond.

Apart from the others who have been kind and given me advice, thanks a lot!

Oh, the last thing I am is passive aggressive, I think I was quite clear Be offended if you like, it's your life, and you get to decide how you're treated. By all means, keep him, if that's what you think you should do. Good luck, you'll need it.

[Zoë Hange]

I understand you feeling sad. You put your trust in someone who isn't worthy of it. You've allowed yourself to be used by him. I can also understand if you feel bad becuase things have gotten this far and shouldn't have. Somehow, though, I get the feeling that you feel bad for him in some way. Honestly, don't feel badly for him at all.

Many on here know my background and one LDR I did off and on for 8 years. Yes, 8. It was all about him, what made him happy, etc. I wore my hair how he liked it, kept it the color he liked it. He was controlling. He could be out of contact with me, but heaven forbid he couldn't reach me at home, on my cell or at work. I ignored his cheating. Even after he got another woman pregnant, I was there for him. (That did, however, end our romantic relationship for the last time.) I put up with so much from him. It took a long time for me to realize I deserved better. Should I have "thrown him away"? Yes, I should have. When someone is abusive, uses you, does nothing for you, you have every single right to throw him away. This goes for friendships as well as relationships. Don't be stupid like I was and let it take up that much of your life. Learn from my mistakes. Please.

Thanks I just made a document where I put in what I want to say, and how, before it's going to end in a huge and stupid fight. I'll talk to him about it and see what his reaction is.
Sorry for bothering, I just wanted some advice. Thanks a lot!

[Miasmata]

He does nothing for me. He just uses me. And only oral satisfaction.

This is not okay, for any sexual partner, at all. Never! A loving person will not do that to you. Are you okay with being used?

[Elizabeth123]

You've been given very sound advice. You deserve a PARTNER who respects, loves and accepts who you are. Make a clean break and take good care of yourself.

[pizza_heart]

I feel I can empathize with you. When i was about your age, many, many years ago, I met this guy online, we were "in love" and when we met in person (I traveled to visit him) you could tell he wasn't into me in that way. The only time he paid for my food was probably a cup of coffee when I arrived. I felt that for how i looked, i had to settle with whatever there was - no matter how the guy treated me. He did hug me and sometimes held hands, but he didn't even help me drag my luggage from the fucking bus stop to the hotel. He only kissed me the night i was leaving (I had a cold so i guess it gave him more reason to want to stay clear...). BUT he never used me, not even in a sexual way. I was overweight and I remember this one time we went to a museum and had to walk an uphill set of stairs and i ran out of air - it was freezing cold too so it was hard to breathe for that reason as well. he got upset about it. Because I was slower than him. After he dumped me for someone else A WEEK AFTER I GOT HOME, I felt bad about myself - like dying, that I'd never find someone who liked my fat ass and accepted me just like I am. And i recriminated that to him for a long time. That until i realized he had many, many character flaws and it was a good riddance.

Its been like 7 years since, and til this day, he still contacts me pretty much daily, because he wants to be my friend. Sometimes i ignore his text messages, sometimes i agree to talk to him on the phone to catch up even when he knows i found the love of my life and am happy as ever. (my boyfriend knows and has enough confidence in us to be okay about it).

In my opinion and experience, you're not a good fit for him. He is not even trying, maybe he wants you to go away and doesn't know how to tell you. Think it through and give yourself the value you think you deserve.

[Zoë Hange]

I don't want to be used, but it happened in my last relationship as well. I don't know why it happened again, maybe because of what Moon said, which she is right about, that I'm not telling guys off.

Thanks pizza_heart, it's quite scary how similar our stories are. The first time I visited him, he didn't carry my luggage either. And the thing was, I didn't even think about it. Until we got downtown and we had to go up a long pair of stairs and a man passed by, shaking his head and then screaming at my boyfriend "who the hell does that, man up and carry that for her." Where he felt embarassed about after.

So I tried to talk to him about the whole situation yesterday, but I got on to something else. He has a friend and that friend has a girlfriend he knows well too. But, the nights he comes home drunk he always says "C. asked after you again.." which is the friend's girlfriend. Now I know that he sees his friend group a lot and it involves her as well, but before I went over he constantly mentioned her enthusiasm about meeting me.
When I got there, she didn't show ANY interest. She completely ignored me and showed the opposite behaviour I expected. However, I didn't really care and I didn't mention it after, because, you know, sometimes people are dissapointed and don't actually like you after all. BUT, two days ago when he came home drunk again, he again said: "C. asked after you." And I was like... wait a minute.. she didn't care about me at all when I was over there, why would she ask how I am?
I think that is slightly strange... and.. we ended up in a minor fight about it, and he started to defend her. "She probably had a bad couple of days when you were there and didn't feel like talking" (she talked to him and his other friends). "She is a bit shy" (not at all, as soon as GoT was mentioned she had a 20-minute monologue in front of his 6 friends). "Well okay I won't mention you to her anymore then becase apparently she is the worst person in the world" etc. He even bashed his friend, (her boyfriend) whom he knows for 10 years now, because he embarasses her and "can be an asshole". Why are you defending a girlfriend you have known for 3 years, but not a really old friend?
So.. I will break the other thing another time.. since this is going on now. Maybe I am paranoid and suspicious...

[Katy_G]

You're not being paranoid and suspicious here. His inconsistency is another red flag that should e dealt with.

[sasad]

Yup. Dump his azz. Work on loving yourself.. You seem like a passive, sweet person. You deserve better and will find someone who won't treat you like a non person. You deserve respect woman.

[Miasmata]

I don't want to be used, but it happened in my last relationship as well. I don't know why it happened again, maybe because of what Moon said, which she is right about, that I'm not telling guys off.

Definitely! It's not your fault that your partner is horrible like that, absolutely not. The problem is that some people are like that, and will not respect people. It is sadly on you to establish boundaries, say No, and make clear that you are not a person that's there to be used.

You seriously deserve someone who respects you and who cares about you and your needs. It is NOT okay for someone to use you like that. If you feel you have a tendency to fall for abusive people like that, you might want to consider getting professional help from someone like a counselor or a therapist. There is no shame in needing help. But seriously, you deserve better, and someone who treats you with such little respect is not a person to stick it out for.