He has never visited me

[Jaybee]

Hi everyone.

I have been in a long distance relationship for a little over three years now.
I have been happy, it has always been wonderful to visit him, and I have spent a little over a year in total visiting him.
We met online, and were friends for three years before we fell for each other. We quickly decided that I would go visit him during Easter three months after we had realized we had feelings for each other. The visit was magical from the first minute on. We connected as well in person as we had online, and we fell in love during my two month visit. As the years have gone by, I have visited him more and more, and stayed longer each time. I have noticed that he becomes absent a few weeks before I leave, as if he wants me to leave sooner so he can go back to living how he does when I'm not there.

I just want to add, that I encourage him to spend time with his friends, and tell him that he needs some time for himself, just as I do when I'm there, which is healthy for any relationship. However, it feels more and more like he is more comfortable spending his time alone than he does with me.
The past three times I've gone to visit him, I've done nothing but clean, make food and do the laundry. It seems like he is getting more and more used to living alone than he is spending time with me.
My issue is, that he has never once come to visit me.
Whenever I have brought up the question of him coming to visit me, he closes off and pushes me away. He gets somewhat angry and frustrated about it.
He has always said that he has wanted to come see me, but there have always been complications in the way.
But each time I have come to visit him, I have been told by his friends and family that he has no interest in visiting my country, and even laugh about the mere idea of him going to visit me.
His boss even baffled me when he told me that he had urged him to visit me, and even offered him a longer vacation so he could visit me for a few months.
This baffled me, as I was told that his boss refused to let him travel, and needed him at work.

So after three years I'm sitting here wondering if I am in a dead-end relationship, and feel like I deserve to be in a relationship where the one I love wants to see me as much as I want to see him.
I haven't seen him in 8 months because I haven't had the finances to go visit, and I honestly think I wanted/needed to see if he would actually come see me if I didn't visit him.

He is a very sweet, loving person, but I don't know what to think anymore.
Is it just me, or is it time to move on and realize this relationship won't go anywhere unless I move to his country?
We have spoken about me moving over to him, I even got all the paperwork I needed and packed my stuff, but the only thing that was missing was paperwork from him, which he never got around to fix.

I feel like there's something he is keeping from me, but I don't understand what it might be, since I have no friends with long distance relationship experience.
I don't know how men deal with being in a long distance relationship, and I might just not understand how it is, and this might be what is causing me to doubt my relationship.

There is so much more to say, but I have tried to keep it as short as possible.
Thank you for reading!

-Jaybee

[Hollandia]

Well if it was me and it was 3 years of me always going to visit him, I'd be pissed. I wouldn't treat a buddy this way much less an SO you are supposed to love and adore. There really does not sound like a real reason why other than he doesn't want to enough and since you keep coming to him, he doesn't need to. I think you need to explain how important it is to you that he comes to your homeland as well as you go to his, regardless of where you might be thinking of settling in the long haul. You should also not be afraid to mention to him how unfair it is to you that he never visits you and you visit him all the time.

If it's money that causes the problem for his trip then pay his way as a Christmas or B-day present. He should be able to swing a 2 day visit once a year. I get tired of people saying they can't make the time to talk to their SO or visit them. Nine of out ten times it's just a bunk excuse.

I think what saddens me is if he allows you to do all the work in the LDR travel then what type of a life partner will he make will you have kids? When times get rough or when someone gets sick or loses a parent? Really hard core things can happen throughout a marriage and you are still just dating, and he can't even find a few days to jump a Ryan Air cheapo flight and come see you? What is wrong with Denmark? I would kill to come visit it. Really, I think you need to have a long talk about this and hopefully he will see that it is only right for him to make this his first priority and make it happen.

[Chris516]

During my LDR(2007-2011), I visited her four times. But she never traveled to see me. In her case. She has OCD. Was the reason I did all the traveling. While she never did any of the traveling. I was always glad to 'get out of town', when I went to see her.

In general, I agree about both doing an equal amount of traveling. But some situations don't allow for both people to travel to equally travel to the other's locale.

[yassie]

HI Jaybee nice to see one from denmark as well and hi to everyone else i hope your all happy :-)

okay so i just read you post, and dam i would be pissed if i was in your shoe`s, in fact i been in something similar, for a couple of years a go i was in a ldr, (not that far, but still) i lived in Copenhagen and he lived on fyn (island next to sealand, which Copenhagen is on) and every weekend or every other weekend it would make the trip over to see him, and in the 4 years we where together, he went to Copenhagen ONCE, it was for the most time okay, with me since i like to travel, but a lot of great things could been if he has visited me.
Anyway, we for most of our relationship Made NO effort. i never noticed until our relationship was going really bad, and i came up with all these
excuses for him. and he became a jerk and our relationship ended (thanks to everything good on the planet!)
but it did really fight for the relationship, he did not. what i learned was how important it is that both parties do their part and do it, when there is something impotent for the other person.

you two had been together for 3 years, and if its very impotent for you to he visits,see and your world first hand, meeting your family!, he should do it!, i really hope he has a good reason for not coming to Denmark,
because understanding your world is impotent, and he should take enough interest to come and see it. as i see it he is not doing he part. fair enoth if was that you wanted to do all the traveling, but he should at least have been there once.
my advise, talk to him, tell him how you feel about all of this Again, and dont be afraid do be demanding about it. he need to tell you a Real reason for not coming or or move he`s as over to see you. its even cheap for the two of you to be in denmark instead of norway.
plus if its the flight (not that i belive it) thats the problem he can even take the ferry, which can be done pretty cheap.
so i say pin him down, and make give you a good reason for coming othervise he needs to move he ass. its been 3 years, he loves you, he needs to do was means stuff to you. (unless its hurting people)

and what is the thing about the paper work, you two had talked about you moving there, wish is not something you just do for anybody, he should not be fucking with the paper work, he should have it done, this would worry me. not to put a fear in you or anything, but it sounds like as you thought, there is something he is not being open about.

Big hugs from Copenhagen, give us an update, when more happen. i hope it all works out for the best