Update on my bf and Facebook problem

[noodle]

Guys are weird sometimes lol
As I said in your other thread already my SO had to delete me first and accepted my request later again but couldnt/didnt want to have the relationship thingy up at all.
Yet in my case I do stalk him lol I go on his profile a few time daily and get pissed if I see him bein on like an hour ago but not messagin me cause I feel ignored lol
But he does the same, he stalks me and if I dont msg him he messages me and is like "i miss you..." bla bla
So for me it kinda works. Facebook for us is basically just an easy way to keep in touch if we cant get on skype and chat or just to randomly check on the other one what he's up to right now or well was up to that day if we couldnt chat.

But honestly I have to say why he is makin such a big deal out of the "i have to explain this or that" thing. I mean theres nothin to hide right?
I dont wanna wake any bad thinkin about your SO or say that he is hidin somethin but its just a lil weird to me :S
Dunno if someone will agree with me or not but yea... thats my opinion

[Lunar Snow]

Hi. I was following your story from your other thread (but thought that you had received lots of comments, so I was waiting to see what happened).

I think that you handled the discussion well and I see no reason for you two to not be friends on Facebook--I really hope that he follows through on his promise to add you next time he logs in. It's true that some men handle their privacy in a way that seems really foreign and frustrating (I know quite a few guys who have a stupid sort of "what's yours is ours, but what's mine is mine policy" that is exasperating and at the extreme end of the spectrum)--I really commend you for not jumping to conclusions about his actions and giving him the breathing room to come through with adding you (I am working on it, but I might have bitten my guy's head off for that). My partner and I have had some big ups and downs related to Facebook (and he had some really bizarre opinions on it to begin with), but I think that it has settled out to just another communication tool for us and, shockers of all shockers, he actually likes occasionally posting cute relationship messages that...heaven forbid...other people could see. I don't think there is anything wrong with "stalking" (which, usually means looking at someone's profile, pictures, etc.) each other and my boyfriend and I do it sometimes and my friends and I do it sometimes. I won't get into too much of a rant, because I have ranted about it before, but Facebook is a social network and because it is a social network, you are posting your information in a public forum to inform people about your life (it isn't for the hermits of the world). Call me crazy, but one's partner is usually a key member of their social connections and should be represented in their online social network somehow--he should be proud of having you in his life and want to include you in his life, as well (just because you can see his friends or what have you, doesn't mean that you have to be friends with every single one of them...it's just a way of staying close and feeling included). Even more so, should a long-distance partner have the ability to get a flavour of their match's life and every effort should be made for open communication--you shouldn't be made to feel like you are a creep for looking on his wall or his pictures, because he put them there for everyone to see! Okay, I am getting a little angry, but I do agree with noodle. From reading all of your posts (and I don't want to alarm you or make you feel insecure), it seems like he is being overly protective of his information. It is a real contradiction, because he is acting like sharing information on Facebook is no big deal and that neither of you are going to be obsessing over each other's movements on Facebook, yet he seems paranoid that you should have access to his information on there. So, I really do hope that he adds you and is fairly open about what information you can see on Facebook.

As for possibly being uncomfortable with exes, etc. on Facebook, my opinion differs a little from some people here and I have learned some lessons, too (I would be happy to talk with you about it more if you want to message with me). I have to admit to talking with my boyfriend about a particular "friend" on Facebook, though I never asked him to remove her (this is one of the thorny shenanigans on Facebook, as an example, so I will try and make the description brief). She was a fling (not a girlfriend--I think that is a different ball of wax) he had had around the same time he had met me and, at one point, was trying to decide between the two of us. It really hurt me that she was still on his Facebook and invited to his recitals, etc. (when he supposedly never talked to her and quite clearly had broken off the fling and acquaintanceship with her in favour of me). He ended up deleting her, because he could really think of no reason why he was keeping reminders of her around still, when he rarely said anything but "hi" to her and wasn't interested in talking with her, and didn't like that it was hurting me. I think the key to that was that I never commanded him to delete her, etc., but that I expressed to him how his behaviour and the situation (comment on the deed and not the doer, when possible) was affecting my feelings and the success of our relationship.

[underthewater]

Ok, so here is the final update: he added me once he got home today, I then had a look at his FB, he doesn't have a lot of things there (I clicked "older posts" for 2 or 3 times and that's it). Something he probably didn't want to let me see was the "super hug" his ex posted there last summer with a message "see you soon, loads of kisses33"...hem, he told me they broke up ages ago, doesn't seem like the case! But I won't mention anything to him, it's just not worth it to have a conversation about his past anymore.

Any opinions?

[paulawriteslove]

I'm glad that you two worked that problem out in a civil manner. I don't think you should bring up what his ex posted because that was the past. Plus, that was probably a reason why he didn't want to add you. Be happy that you two are FB friends now

[Casper]

Yeah, I agree with Paulawriteslove, be glad that you two are FB buddies now :] If he deleted that stuff, it's probably because he knew it would upset you.