Talking Financial issues

[Lost77]

My boyfriend and I have a fantastic relationship and I travel to see him versus him coming to me (which I don't mind because I will be moving there anyways )

He has a job where as at the moment I'm between jobs, going to school so funding is tight.

When I go see him I pay for the hotel and flight (around $600) which takes me a couple months to save up. He pays for food, gas money and things we do while I'm there. So it hasn't bugged me too much.

There hasn't been a set date as of which I'll be moving to him but today he said he has to be out of his current place by Feb next year. It's freaking me out a little because I have yet to get a job no matter how much I'm searching for work, in my area its limited without schooling (hence why I'm going to school ) unless you work at McDonalds or Dollar store etc but I've been told because of my nursing background that I'm overqualified for those positions. The medical positions you need to have graduated.

My question is how do I bring up the financial issues? Should he be helping more with at least part of the hotel when I travel to him? How do I bring up saving money etc for an apartment?

He's been looking for a second job but I just don't feel like he's trying hard enough 😞.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Many couples choose different ways of handling the cost of traveling. Sometimes its 50/50 no matter what and sometimes it's based off of income. We can't say whether or not he should be paying more. The only people that can decide what's fair for your relationship are you two. Money problems are a challenging subject to bring up, but I would just phrase it as something like this: "I've been okay with traveling to you when we have visits, but with not having a job it really is becoming a financial burden for me. Would you be willing to travel to me or help me with some of the costs? It may be a long time until I am able to visit again if i'm paying for this on my own since i haven't been able to get a job" and just see what he says to that. It's awkward, but any reasonable person should be able to at least have a conversation with you about it.

[differentcountries]

It is really hard to tell. Does he work full time? What is his income level? What are his regular expenses? What are your regular expenses? What does your side of the travel expense ammount to? What does his side of the visit ammount to? Why do you need a hotel when you see him, when he has a flat? Are there any ways you can limit your expenses? (We saved money for hotels in the beginning by staying at his friends' house and with his parents.)

With us, I make so much more money than he does. Even if I also have much more expenses where I live, it makes sense that I should cover most of our expenses together. Also, he is strictly speaking still in school, since he still has some classes left. Money is something we started to talk about very early on. He is sometimes upset that he cant contribute more, but thats the way it is - everyone in similar situation to us are the same. Also, he contributes with his network providing us with discounts, favours and gifts. He truely does all he can. We are very open about money and while that sound boring, it helps us come closer together, especially when we talk about closing the distance. I really reccomend opening up about money more. I am not sure what saving up for a flat means (renting one? buying one?), but those are the things you can discuss with him.

[pizza_heart]

The best option if you want to save up for an apartment in a near future is to limit the visits. No money, no traveling. You'll live.

[Phantomrose]

I also recommend talking openly about finances with your SO. It really helps bring everything together, and helps both my SO and I come up with plans, when saving or planning for visits. For example, this year, I am suppose to be going to England from December to February for Christmas, New Years, his cousin's wedding, and for our 5 Year anniversary. I have opened up to my husband just now about my financial situation, and about my worry about not having enough by the time December hits. He has helped me come up with a better budget plan for saving up for the trip, plus he is contributing some of his money to help out with my funds for England if I still don't have enough by the goal date. I plan to pay him back right away, and could not thank him enough for helping out. I didn't ask for it, and felt bad about accepting his help, but ended up accepting it. I have helped him as well, when he has trouble with coming up with money for visits. In a way, we work together to ensure that we have our visiting time. We both do all that we can to help each other out when we are in a financial pickle. It works best to just talk everything over with your SO.

[Hollandia]

You have no job and he has one and you think the answer is for him to get a second one? I hate to say this but apply for places you think won't hire you anyway. What town do you live in? I would be happy to help you do research for where you can try. Are there any cleaning companies where you live? 7-11's ? Howard Johnson? Diners? Most time people say they can't find a job because they are over qualified it's because they don't and won't work at certain jobs they feel are below their station. Did you apply to your supermarket to bag groceries and stock shelves? Any local hair dressers need a shampoo girl?

Have you been told you are over qualified by an employer or just friends? Were you turned away or are you just assuming it? I don't want to be rude but your not over qualified. Your a student. I have 18.5 years experience in Office Administration and ran a small medical company for 6 years and I have been applying to plenty of jobs I am over qualified for. If I was a manager at your local Dollar Store I would hire you in a heart beat. Your a nursing student, so your smart, your diligent, your not afraid of stress and you must be a people person. Who wouldn't want you working as their cashier? It's all about how you sell yourself. Your a student, why does anyone care about your medical training? It can only help if someone falls in their store or restaurant. You could also ask to apply for a manager in training position for Mickey Ds while in school. You don't have any waitressing places in your area? No college bars to serve drinks at? Most people I know worked through college in some form of the hospitality industry. You could also apply for a job as a medical assistant without a degree and you would make a great medical receptionist. Go to any of your local hospitals or clinics and see if they need any type of reception or secretarial help. It is always good to have someone with a medical background when you are hiring for any place in a medical establishment.

I think it's pretty hard and totally unfair to push somebody else to get a second job. I've done it before and working two jobs is really difficult to do for some people. It's also not worth it unless you make enough money from it to account for how exhausted you will be and how little time for any social life you will have. Are you ready for him to never have any time to talk to you? He's not really going to have much time for any travel at all working two jobs. You visiting him won't matter either since he'll be out working 90 percent of the time.

I think you need to just explain what you can afford and tell him that is your cut off financially. Then it's up to him to decide if he really wants a second job and how much he can afford to spend as well. Once he gets his new place straightened out, he could get back on his feet again quickly thereafter. You might just need to cut back on the visits until then. As I mentioned most second jobs aren't going to be a way for you two to see each other more with travel expenses because what you will save in money you will lose in time.

[sasad]

Not sure what country you are in, but I know how it is in the over qualified area.. I applied at 7-11 and Dollar Store and was told I was over qualified by the HR departments.. Yes.. it does happen. I have extensive retail background as that was my first degree. I never thought that was below me- They said they wanted to help people grow etc., plus with my exp, they think we will ask for more money starting out.
I did find a small mom and pops store that did want to hire me, so as Hollandia said, look around

[Hollandia]

Not sure what country you are in, but I know how it is in the over qualified area.. I applied at 7-11 and Dollar Store and was told I was over qualified by the HR departments.. Yes.. it does happen. I have extensive retail background as that was my first degree. I never thought that was below me- They said they wanted to help people grow etc., plus with my exp, they think we will ask for more money starting out.
I did find a small mom and pops store that did want to hire me, so as Hollandia said, look around

Sure, but she doesn't even have a degree. I don't think of any students as over qualified. I don't know of many employers in Delaware that would. The students are the ones that usually fill those types of jobs. All of us students in my first restaurant job scrubbed the floors and took out the trash and sorted bottles whether we were students in medical, law, art, telecommunications or basket weaving.

[Lost77]

The area I am in is very remote. There are only two gas stations, one grocery store, a pharmacy, a dollar store, a hospital and a couple doctors offices and a couple hotels. I worked at a store for three years and they up and closed because there just was not enough business, everyone chose to travel an HR+ to shop in the city.

Ever since that store closed in October of last year I have applied at all locations multiple times. I have found that they hire the young college students who have little to no experience. I have been told by three of the places that they feel because of my background I am over qualified and they feel that I would get bored and quit.

I am working with the local career center in hopes of getting help with one of their progress to get my foot in the door at one of the doctor offices. It's a slow process.

[Lost77]

Before moving to this town I worked from 2006-2015 as CNA and Personal support specialist and worked p-t at the local store from 2013-2015. Of course taking a few months off in 2015 to move out of state before having to move back.

I did have to go to school for both of those and have certification. Unfortunately the doctors office and hospitals in this state will NOT hire you with out completing the medical assistance course and doing one year of volunteer work. As far as medical reception work I am under qualified where I had only work one job for a short time as a medical receptionist it wasn't enough by their standards to consider giving me a chance. It's becoming a hassle. I'm hoping like I said that working with the local career center I can get in somewhere.

Meanwhile I did have a long talk with my SO today and he's giving a great deal of consideration to Moving to my state and us moving to a local city 2 hrs away from my current location where I have been also looking to move for more job opportunities. It will be a temporary situation time frame wise of a year or two and then we'd be moving back to his state. So things are looking up for us and it did help to talk to him but I did it in a way that I wasn't degrading him or putting him down.