I am 22. I have never been in a relationship before this. I met my SO in September of 2015 and we talked almost every day as friends. I wasn't attracted to him physically at first, but I fell for his personality. Which in turn showed on his face (you know that Roald Dahl quote, about the sunbeams shining from your face??) he became more attractive to me because I knew him as a person and it showed on his face. He has an amazing smile. We became really close and when I came to the realization I felt something for him, in January I told him I had feelings for him, because I adored him and hated the thought of losing him. He reciprocated those feelings right back and on Valentines day told me he loved me. He's the sweetest guy and personality and moral wise, everything I've ever wanted and I love him too. He is in love with me and thinks I'm the one. But because I've never had a relationship before, let alone long distance, I constantly feel myself holding back.
I love him, but I don't think I'm IN love with him. I don't know how I would be able to feel like that until I see him, then I think I would know for sure. I've been feeling really weird about it on and off recently. I've kind of lost that overwhelming feeling of love in a way, I can't really word it right. He tells me he loves me all the time, multiple times a day, that I am everything to him, it's really sweet.. but I think perhaps this has scared me a little recently? I've always reciprocated it back, even though at times I feel weird about it. He really is so respectful and takes my word as gospel. At the moment I have times where I feel I love him as a friend like I did months ago, but reality hits and I think about him properly and think how stupid I'm being, especially when I see him and skype him.
He plans to come over in a couple months to see me for the first time. Which I was really excited for now I'm slightly getting cold feet. I think a lot of this may have to do with the fact that ive been suffering badly with headaches and feel very stressed out with schoolwork and out of touch with reality at the moment. I don't know, I just feel so bad about feeling this way when I have always returned what he says to me. I'm so conflicted. Anyone else ever had this? I feel that as soon as I meet him things will be different. I dont know, I just have no relationship experience whatsoever. Two weeks ago I was heartbroken and crying at the thought of having to lose him because of how far apart we are. It's most definitely me. Writing all this out now, I see that it's how much stress I am under and how I need to stop stressing so much. I've been so crazy excited to see him and hug him and just be held by him, to be in his company. I've just not been myself recently. I think I'll get over it.
Sorry for the rant. I think I needed it.
I love him, but I don't think I'm IN love with him. I don't know how I would be able to feel like that until I see him, then I think I would know for sure. I've been feeling really weird about it on and off recently. I've kind of lost that overwhelming feeling of love in a way, I can't really word it right. He tells me he loves me all the time, multiple times a day, that I am everything to him, it's really sweet.. but I think perhaps this has scared me a little recently? I've always reciprocated it back, even though at times I feel weird about it. He really is so respectful and takes my word as gospel. At the moment I have times where I feel I love him as a friend like I did months ago, but reality hits and I think about him properly and think how stupid I'm being, especially when I see him and skype him.
He plans to come over in a couple months to see me for the first time. Which I was really excited for now I'm slightly getting cold feet. I think a lot of this may have to do with the fact that ive been suffering badly with headaches and feel very stressed out with schoolwork and out of touch with reality at the moment. I don't know, I just feel so bad about feeling this way when I have always returned what he says to me. I'm so conflicted. Anyone else ever had this? I feel that as soon as I meet him things will be different. I dont know, I just have no relationship experience whatsoever. Two weeks ago I was heartbroken and crying at the thought of having to lose him because of how far apart we are. It's most definitely me. Writing all this out now, I see that it's how much stress I am under and how I need to stop stressing so much. I've been so crazy excited to see him and hug him and just be held by him, to be in his company. I've just not been myself recently. I think I'll get over it.
Sorry for the rant. I think I needed it.
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