Feeling paranoid about gf trusting another guy over others

[JohnGoober]

I dunno, the whole thing about no one knowing you after 2 years is kinda silly. How does she explain gifts from you etc?

She tells them she bought them herself so no one will know its a gift.

[JohnGoober]

I dunno, the whole thing about no one knowing you after 2 years is kinda silly. How does she explain gifts from you etc?

She tells them she bought it herself so no one will know its a gift.

[Katy_G]

That raises eyebrows, sorry to say.

Really sorry you're going through this.

[sasad]

Honestly, something just doesn't add up. And for her to go to the extreme about not contacting her again after that instead of trying to work through it..
Married means nothing anymore to some people unfortunately. I am sorry you are going through this.. but I would trust your gut.

[Harlequin]

Wow, okay now I think you're probably better off without her. You were together for two years and she refused to tell anyone about you, going so far as to say she bought the packages herself? Yeah, no, fuck that noise. That's bizarre behavior. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

[Honour]

Agreed with what others have said. You don't need this kind of shit in your life. Better off single than being treated as if you don't exist. Wish you luck for the future.

[whatruckus]

I definitely agree with everyone else. Honestly, just consider yourself lucky it ended now and didn't keep continuing. Two years is a long time to put up with that, and I don't think I would've. Being hidden from everyone that your SO knows? Nah. I wouldn't take that at all. That's a dealbreaker to me. When my former SO and I were together, I literally met his entire family a couple days after we officially started dating. And, almost all of his friends that same week because I stayed the whole week at his house for Christmas and New Year's. We were together for 3 years before we split up a few months ago. My whole family knew about him too, even when we were just talking at first.

I honestly don't know, or understand, how anyone could put up with that. She had no real, valid, reasons for keeping you hidden. Meeting on the internet is considered normal now. It's easier, and it's more convenient. Not everyone has the time to go out and meet people at different places, nor do they always want someone from the same friends circle. When I told people my former SO and I met on the internet, they were surprised in the sense that it actually worked. No one thought it was lame, or stupid. In fact, they were extremely supportive about it and asked me about the various dating sites and what the differences between them were. I even recommend some of my friends to try it out too.

I'm sorry this happened to you, but now you can find someone who isn't ashamed to be with you. And, someone who will reciprocate your feelings and efforts.

[C.C.]

It's not considered normal everywhere, just as a note. There are places where they don't understand the concept of it. I know someone who was directly told that she was dating someone online because she couldn't find anyone in her country. It's rude but it's a thing. I probably will never tell many people about meeting online either, only my close friends. But I will definitely not hide my relationship with him.

In your case though, being hidden after a meetup is too much. Being hidden from best friends is too much. All of this explains her trust for that guy as well, by the way. Trusting someone outside her friends' circle will make hiding you easier.
And there's difference between hiding romantic relationship with someone, but hiding someone's existence is just wrong if you value them enough.

[whatruckus]

It's not considered normal everywhere, just as a note. There are places where they don't understand the concept of it. I know someone who was directly told that she was dating someone online because she couldn't find anyone in her country. It's rude but it's a thing. I probably will never tell many people about meeting online either, only my close friends. But I will definitely not hide my relationship with him.

In your case though, being hidden after a meetup is too much. Being hidden from best friends is too much. All of this explains her trust for that guy as well, by the way. Trusting someone outside her friends' circle will make hiding you easier.
And there's difference between hiding romantic relationship with someone, but hiding someone's existence is just wrong if you value them enough.

True, but since OP is from the USA, that's why I said it's basically considered normal now. It's more accepted around here nowadays than it was 15 years ago.

[C.C.]

True, but since OP is from the USA, that's why I said it's basically considered normal now. It's more accepted around here nowadays than it was 15 years ago.

I didn't pay attention to that, I thought I'd but I forgot.
Besides it's not like one shouldn't tell ANYONE in the countries where it's not really accepted yet either. If you really love someone you should deal with at least close people's judgments yourself and not disrespect your SO because of that.

[JohnGoober]

She might live in a western country but we're both asians and shes conservative. I still feel bad for not trusting her and accusing her for trusting some other guy. She told me upfront when we started relationship that she wouldn't tell anyone about me until I officially move there permanently. I wanted to respect her so I agreed to it. She told me she feels disgusted hearing my voice..I tried to call her and apologize but she blocked me everywhere now. She doesn't want me to contact her again. I feel like my own insecurity killed this relationship.

[whatruckus]

She might live in a western country but we're both asians and shes conservative. I still feel bad for not trusting her and accusing her for trusting some other guy. She told me upfront when we started relationship that she wouldn't tell anyone about me until I officially move there permanently. I wanted to respect her so I agreed to it. She told me she feels disgusted hearing my voice..I tried to call her and apologize but she blocked me everywhere now. She doesn't want me to contact her again. I feel like my own insecurity killed this relationship.

I'm Asian too, I'm Chinese. That's no excuse for what she did. If she was going to keep you hidden for so long, then she shouldn't have gotten into a relationship with you.

[Katy_G]

Another Asian keying in.

It wasn't your insecurity. It's a lack of trust or something on her part. There's no point in being with someone so long, just to keep it a secret.

[C.C.]

She made it clear from the start though.

He shouldn't have gotten in a relationship like that in the first place, you should respect yourself more and not agree with the terms like that

[whatruckus]

She made it clear from the start though.

He shouldn't have gotten in a relationship like that in the first place, you should respect yourself more and not agree with the terms like that

This is also very true too. Like I said in a previous post, no way in hell would I ever be with someone just to be hidden for so long.