Parents say we don't match

[aoitori]

Of course, she doesn't see anything positive related to the long distance, even if making plans and setting aside the money/credit shows that he is in a good place in his life. That's really hard to aqknowledge for her. Having a full time job is a good guarantee, and he obviously has enough to pay the bills. As for the things she thought was rude or whatever, if he had been "prepared for a job interview", that might not have worked out so well either.

I have met some parents in my time, and there is really no way of knowing what they will appreciate - you can only come with the way you are, try to be polite and that's really it. You have to know someone (or know them throgh your SO) in order to cater to what they will consider "good behaviour" or "a nice son-in-law". In SOs home, they were impressed because I pee in the Turkish style toilet even when I have a choice, I feed the calf and I do everything they do, like watch Turkish tv. Basically they critisize my language skills (and my height!). My Norwegian inlaws, they have a million small rules. They have specific newspapers they dislike and they dont like me drying my hair after a shower, odd rules that I try to comply to but had no idea they would even consider an issue when I first met them. It is a matter of deciding what is most important. I still think banning my favourite newspaper is stupid, but my husband notices the things I do and I think of it as pleasing him, not them.

People are strange (you and me too), and you just have to try to go with the flow. If your SO is a laidback guy not wanting to "act businiss at home", and your mum want him to be a bit strict, perhaps look into clothes and manners that are both nice and casual at the same time? Perhaps eat with a spoon and fork instead of a knife (I personally dislike knives and I love that Turks hardly use them when eating). If he makes a lot of water mess in the bathroom, he could make a habit to soak it up with a towel when he is done. There should be ways to make both sides feel ok with it. But there could still be glitches. My father get SOOO upset if my BIL doesn't put on a suit for holiday dinners, I mean he gets really worked up about it. But my BIL loves casual wear and he is a grown man, so I guess my dad will just have to live with it

Yeah it's true. You can try to prepare and still not be prepared completely. I'm just upset they make such a big deal of it. For me the personality is the most important and he's a good guy (which my parents have admitted), so that is my main reason for dating him. He asked me if he should wear a suit meeting my parents and I said it's not necessary. I had also told my mom and she said "casual is fine", but she still complained about his fashion (tshirt and jeans). I think he'd do a lot if it would help my family accept him (I told him to change some things when we were at my parents house and he changed them right away). The thing is, the impression has been made and I don't know when they'll meet again to "fix this". He took the week off work and came to Germany, because we might have a change to close the distance in 2 or 3 months. He said it's courteous to meet my parents before we do that, which is true. But now they have this impression of him and it didn't really calm them, lol. But nothing I can do about it I guess.

I want to continue this relationship and I think this is something I need to do now also to become a little more independent from my parents. I'll keep listening to their words, but I won't break up unless I feel it's not going to work out with us. I told my parents that this is a relationship and relationships start and they can end. It's something very natural and you can't know how this will work out unless you try. They will need time and will have to live with it.