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    2nd chance

    Good morning!
    I hope this post finds everyone well. My name is B and I am a 36 year old woman with a 9 year old and 7 year old. My ex significant other is almost 28. We dated long distance for 1.5 years. We ended because of the distance and neither of us wanting to relocate as well as the strain of my kids. It's been four months since our split and I still have feelings for him. I finally saw him after our split and I proposed a second chance. Not realizing that his unhappiness had been with my kids not treating him fairly I would have backed him up a little more but since my kids have been transitioning so much between my house, their dads, and my significant other they had no consistency. I felt for my kids but never backed him up. 20/20 hindsight I'd go back and balance the need for my kids to be respectful and the want for his understanding. During our visit on Saturday we talked, caught up and kissed. The kiss brought feelings flooding back more so than I already had. I live with the mindset to not give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about. He dwells on us too but it's not an easy situation. I will never resent him for not wanting a life of step dad figure. I just have this connection with him that runs so deep. I would never forgive myself if I didn't fight for this. So I suggested us starting out just us for awhile before kids are involved again. I know we have a connection and I'm willing to bare myself to see this through. I am complicated like layers of an onion, kids, recently divorcing from the kids dad and all the while found the love that has completed me and made me feel more than I had ever thought. I took this love for granted. I am putting it out to the universe for another chance. I put it out there and if it's meant to be it will be if not I will set this love free.

    His response with the suggestion of starting again was he wanted to think about it and he wasn't saying this to make me happy but he wanted time to think with everything else he has going on. Recently this man that I hold so dear to my heart was in a motorcycle accident and he was very lucky to have only sustained minor injuries. Overlooked broken hand that required emergency surgery 3 weeks after the accident. His future and career opportunities may be compromised. So my request for rekindling may not be a first priority.

    Life is too short and his accident could have taken him from me forever.

    Four months of being apart and my heart still harbors feelings of love as well as that tightness of the unknown, as this next part is up to him.

    Send some vibes to me and the universe that I want another chance with this man. I know there is a plan for us all but my heart won't and can't let go of him. I know what I want and I'm not afraid to go after it.

    B

    #2
    Remember that a relationship takes two. One party can want something wholeheartedly while the other person is only luke-warm or not at all. Sometimes people focus so much on what they want that they really don't take into consideration the other persons true feelings becuse they don't jive with their own.

    As much as you want this, please go slowly. Really pay attention to not only his words but his actions. It may work out wonderfully for you and it all come together. He may find that being a step-dad isn't really what he wants. Right now, I would really concentrate on you and your kids. It sounds like you have enough on your own plate to deal with already.
    To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

    ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

    Comment


      #3
      R and R,

      You're absolutely right it has be both of us. I do know this. I'm not rushing anything. If it wasn't for our break I may not have filed for divorce. Everything happens for a reason and I said my piece and if he comes back that it's not s good time I'll set myself free. I know I deserve everything that I want and I won't settle. I'm not afraid of being alone. I just am trying to ascertain these feelings as I feel them through my soul. If it's not meant to be I want to be able to move on.

      Comment


        #4
        All that ok but..
        Why are people creating LDR advice threads in a chat room section?

        Comment


          #5
          What is the problem? Isn't this where you are able to express yourself?

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Bherebthere View Post
            What is the problem? Isn't this where you are able to express yourself?
            Well, Organize A Chat section is for technical details about actual chat room and/or hosting/planning chats for that said chat room.
            I mean it's not bad to get confused, happens to everyone. I didn't mean to be rude or anything about it~
            Also, you are able to express yourself almost anywhere on this forum~

            Comment


              #7
              I don't see it in a chat room?

              Anyways,
              Yes as a mom with children, it is very hard to find that balance. It takes a special person to be on board with taking on the extra stuff that goes along with it. Dynamics change so much.

              I understand how you want YOU time and SO time. without the kids.. and you will need that. I am not sure how your marriage ended, and how you and you ex are dividing up time up. My son and SO get along fine. they found their balance. But that was after he was introduced as my friend. I have "permission" from my now 11 year old to date my SO, and in fact he picked a restaurant for us! But, that had to happen slow. They had to find where they both fit, if they fit. I am lucky they do. You also said he is the cause of you filing for your divorce?

              I would work on you first. See what it is you need and want, and figure out the best way to get there so NO ONE else gets hurt or slighted. It is HARD being a step parent, and done are just not cut out for that. I wish you the very best!

              Comment


                #8
                My ex the kids dad and I have been separated for 4 years and I have not filed for no other reason than financial burden and being complacent. He was not the direct reason but indirectly helped me see that I needed to close that chapter of my life. It took our split for me to realize that I needed to put me first and I am not done focusing on me but along the way this man still is on my mind and in my heart. I took a leap of faith and shared my feelings knowing it could go either way. I love my kids and they come first. I love myself and have found out more about myself these last few months. In all of this though I won't look back and regret not fighting for who I believe in and love. With all that said it does take two and I won't settle for less than I deserve and my kids deserve.
                Thank you for listening.

                So where should these posts go?

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Bherebthere View Post
                  So where should these posts go?
                  Well if my eyes didn't deceive me and if I wasn't too tired, I think this thread was moved and is in an appropriate place right now

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Bherebthere View Post
                    My ex the kids dad and I have been separated for 4 years and I have not filed for no other reason than financial burden and being complacent. He was not the direct reason but indirectly helped me see that I needed to close that chapter of my life. It took our split for me to realize that I needed to put me first and I am not done focusing on me but along the way this man still is on my mind and in my heart. I took a leap of faith and shared my feelings knowing it could go either way. I love my kids and they come first. I love myself and have found out more about myself these last few months. In all of this though I won't look back and regret not fighting for who I believe in and love. With all that said it does take two and I won't settle for less than I deserve and my kids deserve.
                    Thank you for listening.

                    Good for you!!!!!

                    So where should these posts go?
                    .

                    It's fine where it is...

                    Comment

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