Advice! HELP! Please

[edduhmaster]

Well, I need advice, help whatever... I feel like im dying , and i didin't slept good...maybe 16 hours in 8 days.
well i'm dating her for 5 years..3 togheter in my parents house , 2 in LDR. She is Japanese.
In past 2 weeks, she changed like ...more cold, less interesed in me, not caring that much about me
Though also i was busy before with univ, and before those 2 weeks, she was normal like always, yes , very busy with work, but normal.
I maybe i understand her that she is stressed with work, she started to work from 2 months ago, and its exhausting...from 6 to 9 pm as office worker for a financial banking system.
In those 5 years a lot of stuff happened, but mostly we were happy of course, and she wanted to marry me, and putted me preasure to do that. I wanted to focus first on my studies, and i said that i want to marry her afterwards.


but well, she just sent me message yesterday ,,I'm not sure about if i want to be with you in the future, I'm only yours, i feel love but not sure if i love you like before.
i don't know what to do..., I mean she could have told me when we were togheter 3 months ago...because it quite cruel ... We were even having plans to get married, and now this.
She says she gives me one more chance, and wants me to change, but doesn't give me more details . I have booked a flight to Japan since a month ago in 2 days, but i don't know if to go or not. She told me like 2 weeks ago to go to Japan and I'm very welcomed at her house, but now she doesn't know.
She swears to me she didin't found anybody else, and i believe her. She loves me but not like before, though she still says to me ,,I love you,, and ,,Ai shiteru,,(Japanese strong word for ,,I love you,,)
The only hope i have is that Wednesday the gift for her bday arrives, something quite unique and special , so I'm waiting for her reaction.

I really don't know what to do anymore , after 5 years, it would be very cruel to end this relationship like this ;(
Though if she doesn't think she wants to be with me , she should tell me in face. I really want her happiness, even though she thinks it's not with me . But hurts like hell.

[snow]

If you already have the tickets booked and she hasn't broken up with you, go and see her. You can figure out what she meant exactly by talking to her face to face, find out what the big change is she expects from you and maybe work something out that works for the both of you.

Working 6 to 9 is exhausting. I've been doing 6:30-7:00 days and I've been just SO tired, I can't even imagine 15 hour days do to you. That could definitely be why she is more distant, however, I think you should definitely go talk to her in person.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Sometimes people just freak out for no reason. Your story sounds similar to mine: my SO and I have been together three years and all of a sudden two months before we're supposed to close the distance he tells me that he doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore. He loves me, but he's confused. He also started a full-time job that takes literally all of his free-time and started panicking about my move. In the case of my SO, I know that he tends to shut down when he's overwhelmed. He was overwhelmed with work and the idea of me moving and decided that it literally was easier to just not care anymore. It's not good, but that's what he does. I am holding onto the fact that I am moving either way and that once I am there and reality and he can hold me again he will realize how stupid he is being. And if I get there and things are awful, well at least I know that and we can both move on. So my suggestion to you is to start grieving your relationship. It's okay to be confused and hurt and lonely and it probably is going to feel like a break up for now even if you two haven't. Go and see her. Be cautious but optimistic. Give each other a chance to feel that connection again in a casual environment and hope and pray that she comes to her senses, but if she doesn't know that you deserve more than what she is giving you. This isn't a reflection of you, it is a reflection of her. I wish you the absolute best of luck and if you ever want to talk feel free to PM me. I understand what you are going through and it really really sucks.

[differentcountries]

It is probably her job. My SO has worked many weird skifts (right now he works from 3 to 3), but that shift sounds exhausting.

[edduhmaster]

UPDATE:

Well, she broke up with me a month ago. Apart from avoiding me a month ago before the breakup, she never told me the real reasons and just made blame on me (That she doesn't love me like before, she can't see a future with me, that i was selfish, etc) and etc. But I found out there is a 3rd person involved (Because when i always asked her that, she never gave a me a response, before she told me she wants to ,,have fun,, and that am not a priority for her). I asked for another chance like she said, and humiliated myself but the answer didint changed. And after we broke up, she said ,,In Future we will be together maybe, if that is our destiny, plus I still want to talk to you and see you sometimes, and see you next time i go to Spain..,, and quickly went NC, so i can heal myself. She keeps messaging me almost everyday , and asking me ,,How am I?, she still wants to be ,,connected,, to me.
But of course there are some things that keep tormenting me.

- We made a Eurotrip in April, before she went to work for a year in Japan (She wanted it badly ,,So she has good memory of ,,Me,,) now that i remember i think she had it all planned.
- She kept contact for a month like nothing happened (like we were always), until i begun to work like a freelancer, and had less time to talk to her. We talked almost everyday but less than before.
- She avoided me, my calls, never gave a explanation and for 2 weeks, ,,thinking,, of ending or not, and after that said that she still wants to be with me and give a ,,chance,,
- I wanted to go to see her for her bday, and just before i bought the tickets and had the trip planned, always said I'm more than welcomed to stay in her house. But a week before my travel she never said that ,,I'm welcomed anymore, and it shouldn't be a good idea to go there. So i missed the trip to visit her.
- For her bday, she said the same day when i send the congrats at 00.00 time and plan to have ,,Skype dinner,, that she ,,cannot wait to talk to me , and eager to see me,, but left me waiting for nothing.
- The gift for her bday and anniversary came back home to me , even though when her bday , we were still ,,officially,, together. I was very angry because she gave me the wrong address on purpose. And she had time to take it for 2 weeks, but she did not, and came back to me(Because i left the her mobile number if there was something wrong so the Transport company contacts her).
- After i went NC, from a common friend, i heard that she is backstabbing me, saying that ,, That i broke up with her,, and ,,I'm not mature enough for her,, also about me and my family. We lived together for 3 years, and she never was asked anything in return while she was doing her master degree. Saying that my family is not good (even though my family loved her), she never had to do any chores, like a princess, and neither asked for helping us out.
I really would wanted to know the truth, what happened between us, and the motives, so i can move on. But i'm just confused...and hurt a lot. I don't want to think of her , but i cannot...
I was about to propose her on the trip...
I never ranted on her though. Neither said anything bad.

I don't know if I ever treated her that bad to end 5 years of a relationship like this. I never treated her bad to be honest, and never cheated on her or even flirt with other girls. Did i deserved a ending like this?

She keeps messaging me , that she still wants to be ,,connected to me,, and that ,,why i don't reply?,,

I don't know if to keep NC, delete her from everything, or just explode...
I want to move on, but there is something that keeps me from it. Plus she still has some stuff remaining at my house...
What should i do? I'm sure i don't want to be with her anymore, not even as friends, maybe i sound ,mean, ... But i feel very heartbroken.

[R&R]

You are never going to heal until you completely let her go. Pack up her stuff and ship it to her. Block her on everything. You deserve so much better than someone who cheated, backstabs and then tries to keep stringing you along. As much as it hurts now, it will be better in the long run to have a clean break.

[Elizabeth123]

Sorry you were treated so badly. She is the immature party and not ready to have an adult relationship. Send her belongs back and have no contact with her.

[xxcazaxx]

Sorry to hear this! It will feel like the hardest thing in the world, but like the others have said - it will help you by cutting ties. She is playing with your emotions by keeping on getting in contact. Its not fair of her to keep you hanging, saying that maybe you will be together in the future.

[edduhmaster]

Thank you all for your words, and for reading all of this, i feel horrible, down, beaten ... i don't know how much i can take of all this...
It cannot be that easy for me as it is for her ...like I was a stranger...

UPDATE...

I'm feeling horrible ... never felt like this ... i cannot sleep, eat... i think i need psicoligical help, i feel insecure, feel like don't have any reason to believe in love anymore. I think it will take me other 5 years to invest in somebody that this will not happen to me again. I was before in other relatioships, or nsa relationships, but i never done damaged to nobody as long as I know. I always tried to not hurt anybody, and maybe that's why sometimes i was taken for a fool... I was always ,,a good guy,, like..

Well, it was my brother's wedding, and when i begun forgetting her, healing..she came back after no contact, saying that she wants to go back and i said we should talk it in person, she wanted to come to my brother's wedding.
At final she said she couldn't come, because of her work. And she said she wasn't sure of what she said.
i made myself hopes and well i rejected other girls in all this time... just kissed one who was by my side all this time, she wanted me to go to the ,,next level,, but i coulnd't...
i don't know, maybe I'm strange , rare, and was faithfull to her always and still cannot date other people, have rebounds, just makes wanna puke. I cannot feel good of ,,getting in bed with somebody else,, . I feel i will just get more hurt by anything...Before yes, would had been different, but now, any phisical relationship without ,,love,, it's something i cannot...
2 weeks ago she swore to me that there wasn't nobody she liked...but yesterday she told me this textually after i said that i don't want any more contact with her, and that i will block her on everything and that like i never existed, she equally treated me like a stranger.
I'm gonna write what she said textually after i said that...
,,Xxx-chan (my name , and how she called me in a sweet way) , never say that I won't hear from you please,,
,,You are my soulmate, and I'm gonna be honest to you,,
,,A boy came to me , honestly I started to hung out with him,,
,,I just begun ... I really hope your happiness too, But at least we are separte phisically and you are not coming to Japan nor I am to Spain (I'm not saying I'm not willing to live in Spain in future, honestly),, and not sure until when this continue,,
,,I don't know what i want, but I think if we are meant to be togheter , we will be togheter in future, my only fear is that maybe it's gonna be too late,,
She traded me so easily...when i never did that when i had ocassions... I feel like hell insecure..
,,I don't know what i want for real, to be honest,,..

I always treated her like a princess...always ... was there for when she needed it...And That's what i got in return...
It's very hard for me to believe in ,,LOVE,, anymore... I cannot... I just feel like everybody will take me in advantage...

I'm torn...

[R&R]

Remember that the other persons actions are not a reflection on you but instead, a reflection on them. Yes, you want to be smart about who you open up and give yourself to, but don't let this experience stop you from being the kind, loving and giving person that you are. There are people out there who will cherish that aspect of you and not take advantage but return the same affection to you.

[Chris516]

Thank you all for your words, and for reading all of this, i feel horrible, down, beaten ... i don't know how much i can take of all this...
It cannot be that easy for me as it is for her ...like I was a stranger...

UPDATE...

I'm feeling horrible ... never felt like this ... i cannot sleep, eat... i think i need psicoligical help, i feel insecure, feel like don't have any reason to believe in love anymore. I think it will take me other 5 years to invest in somebody that this will not happen to me again. I was before in other relatioships, or nsa relationships, but i never done damaged to nobody as long as I know. I always tried to not hurt anybody, and maybe that's why sometimes i was taken for a fool... I was always ,,a good guy,, like..

Well, it was my brother's wedding, and when i begun forgetting her, healing..she came back after no contact, saying that she wants to go back and i said we should talk it in person, she wanted to come to my brother's wedding.
At final she said she couldn't come, because of her work. And she said she wasn't sure of what she said.
i made myself hopes and well i rejected other girls in all this time... just kissed one who was by my side all this time, she wanted me to go to the ,,next level,, but i couldn't...
i don't know, maybe I'm strange , rare, and was faithful to her always and still cannot date other people, have rebounds, just makes wanna puke. I cannot feel good of ,,getting in bed with somebody else,, . I feel i will just get more hurt by anything...Before yes, would had been different, but now, any phisical relationship without ,,love,, it's something i cannot...
2 weeks ago she swore to me that there wasn't nobody she liked...but yesterday she told me this textually after i said that i don't want any more contact with her, and that i will block her on everything and that like i never existed, she equally treated me like a stranger.
I'm gonna write what she said textually after i said that...
,,Xxx-chan (my name , and how she called me in a sweet way) , never say that I won't hear from you please,,
,,You are my soulmate, and I'm gonna be honest to you,,
,,A boy came to me , honestly I started to hung out with him,,
,,I just begun ... I really hope your happiness too, But at least we are separate physically and you are not coming to Japan nor I am to Spain (I'm not saying I'm not willing to live in Spain in future, honestly),, and not sure until when this continue,,
,,I don't know what i want, but I think if we are meant to be together , we will be together in future, my only fear is that maybe it's gonna be too late,,
She traded me so easily...when i never did that when i had occasions... I feel like hell insecure..
,,I don't know what i want for real, to be honest,,..

I always treated her like a princess...always ... was there for when she needed it...And That's what i got in return...
It's very hard for me to believe in ,,LOVE,, anymore... I cannot... I just feel like everybody will take me in advantage...

I'm torn...

After reading(and re-reading) all of what you said. I kept getting the feeling that, you were just being 'played'. Maybe she has a mental health problem that would explain her behavior, maybe not. Regardless of which, I definitely feel she was 'playing' you. That she wasn't sincere.

Drop her like a hot rock.

[edduhmaster]

Thank you everybody for your words... Yes, i decided that i don't want any kind of relationship with her anymore , neither friends or buddies, and mailed all her stuff to her back.
Cut off any way of her contact me , deleted photos we had togheter, and try not to think of her anymore. I wish her the best, but I also deserve better.