Dealing with Jealousy

[Sweetheart6415]

Hiya all I haven't posted for a long time as my degree at uni has been very demanding. I had this weekend off to spend with my fiance' who came down for the weekend, had such a wonderful time, but of course it went all to quickly and now I'm left feeling lonely and empty. Unlike previous times I'm also battling with a feeling of jealousy.
My fiance' has recently started a new course at university and has made some new friends, in particular there is a girl. Now before I go on I'll make it clear that I trust my fiance' and know he'd never do anything to betray that trust. I've also spoken to him about this and he understands how I feel, and has told me he experiences something similar with some of my friends. And this particular girl isn't single and is actually going out with one of the guys in the social circle. The reason I'm jealous is because she gets to spend more time with my fiance' and gets to be there for him more than I do. They message quite a bit over facebook. This I'm really struggling with, on top of this my degree is often really demanding and I've had rough few weeks with the start of semester and it's made me miss him and need his comfort all the more. Sometimes I feel like I can't get through these times without him

This is an obvious downside to LDR and it's made even harder because to me even though we aren't married, he's like a husband to me. Being away from him is like living without part of myself, and it just seems to get harder after every visit.

I'd just like some advice on how to deal with the jealousy, I don't want to be a clingy, insecure fiance'e and every time her name comes up in conversation (which isn't much) want to let out an animal growl lol.

Cheers

[C.C.]

One of the advice I can think of is to get to know the girl.
Once you know what kind of person she really is and once you get to know their relationship better, you'll most likely calm down too.
Some of the male to female friendships are really special and I think your jealousy doesn't come from you being afraid that something will happen between them, but as you said, you are just jealous of her being there for him more than you are. But, look at it this way: because of your busyness, he feels lonely TOO. And when he has problems he needs his friends by his side, and us girls, can sometimes give good advices to guys and just be good friends to them, something other guys aren't always capable of. So him having someone like her is a huge plus~
Also, you'd not feel that way if you were in the same community, right? So I really think getting to know her should help, besides you might even get a good friend for future~

[Sweetheart6415]

Thanks CC for your advice, makes me feel a lot better and has given me something to think about. Until I'm back home unfortunately getting to meet her isn't possible. However I could get him to tell me more about her etc and maybe that would help me get over this jealousy.
Thanks again.

[QueenD]

Thanks CC for your advice, makes me feel a lot better and has given me something to think about. Until I'm back home unfortunately getting to meet her isn't possible. However I could get him to tell me more about her etc and maybe that would help me get over this jealousy.
Thanks again.

I have a couple of thoughts about this issue.

First, I think the advice to try and get to know this woman is good. Even though you can't meet her in person, you could get acquainted to her via social media, Skype or texting just as you communicate with your SO. I am friends with quite a few of my boyfriend's friends on social media and getting to where I'm starting genuine friendships of my own with a few of them. Hi best friend of 15 years even calls or texts me completely independently from time to time.

Second, I think you should do some introspection and really think long and hard about why you feel jealous. I know you said that you find it upsetting that he talks to her about issues, but I think it's likely that there are some other feelings rattling around, such as fear or insecurity or other sorts of uncertainty. Please do your best to figure this out, and talk to your SOs about it.

[Katy_G]

I have a couple of thoughts about this issue.

First, I think the advice to try and get to know this woman is good. Even though you can't meet her in person, you could get acquainted to her via social media, Skype or texting just as you communicate with your SO. I am friends with quite a few of my boyfriend's friends on social media and getting to where I'm starting genuine friendships of my own with a few of them. Hi best friend of 15 years even calls or texts me completely independently from time to time.

Second, I think you should do some introspection and really think long and hard about why you feel jealous. I know you said that you find it upsetting that he talks to her about issues, but I think it's likely that there are some other feelings rattling around, such as fear or insecurity or other sorts of uncertainty. Please do your best to figure this out, and talk to your SOs about it.

Very important advice.

Also never make your SO choose between being around you or being around her. That's never a good situation to put your SO into, and it just causes resentment all around in the end.