Originally posted by lucybelle
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Do you want kids with your SO?
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our story.
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02.02.2012 - When we got married and closed the distance once and for all
"If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse."
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It's still quite far away, but we talk about it a lot. We want a girl and a boy (in that order). The girl will be named Yinthe, but we can't decide on a boy's name yet, haha! He's always joking about calling him Optimus, but I'm still telling him that's NOT going to happen, haha! Of course, everything will be fine in the end. =)
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I was looking back though this thread. On September 14, 2010, I wrote "We both want exactly one, and asap as I'm not getting any younger." At that point, I was actually just barely pregnant and didn't know it yet. So I really worked out the "asap" part very well haha. I got pregnant and had the baby when I was 30 (just turned 31).
Until I married Chase, I was pretty happy with no kids. I am no fan of other peoples kids tbh! In my first marriage, which lasted 11 years, we never would have had any (funny because he is expecting boy/girl twins now). Then there is Chase, and all of a sudden I see what a happy marriage is like, and we want a baby.
The pregnancy was a nightmare, as I'm sure a lot of you remember me complaining about. :/ Then my son comes a month early, with a very rare disease that kept him in the NICU for 3 months. My life with a baby is SO far from what I expected it would be like. Seriously. I was not expecting this baffling disease that nobody has ever heard of. I was not expecting to spend half of my time dealing with medication or a g-tube, or spending oh so much time at the hospital (in patient and in the NICU follow up clinic for blood tests - that will never stop).
I can't take him out of the house much, (it would be VERY serious if he got sick, a common cold could kill him) he can't participate in things like daycare, roller skating at the rink, boy scouts, birthday parties... We can't even let friends meet him. You just do not expect your child to be sick. You expect the happy picture of house, dog, baby, bliss.
When he gets a bit older - it's going to be interesting to try and explain to him why, when he has no physical challenges, and is not delayed in any way, why he can't do things other kids can. We don't even know if he'll be able to attend public school in his younger days. Home school may be our only option. Right now, he isn't allowed in daycare. Chase or I *have* to stay home with him. To keep him away from other people, and to keep up with his complex medication schedule.
So that long story being said, I am so omg thankful that I had my baby. Nathaniel is the world to me. I actually love being a mom. To more than just my dogs. He's a very good baby, but he's hard. For example, due to his medicine schedule, he isn't allowed to sleep through the night. We have to wake him up every 4 hours for food/medicine. This is the age where he should be getting to sleep longer stretches (4.5 months). We just passed where we had to do it every 3 hours, and that was REALLY rough. It isn't like just feeding a baby, it's the careful prep of his meds, making up two bottles (breast milk isn't allowed), one for meds, and one plain formula. Then we have to keep him upright for 30 minutes so it stays down.
Neither Chase, nor I, or anyone in either of our families have this disease. It came out of nowhere. A random gene mutation that Johns Hopkins reported never before seeing. So to everyone, this is obvious, but, keep in mind that the fairytale isn't always what you expect.
ANYWAY, we both wanted one child. Now I have Nate, and I think to myself, omg, I sort of what another one (not NOW). O_O We know a second baby has a 1 in 4 chance of getting what Nate has. Which makes it REALLY hard. Chase could maybe be talked into a second. He wants a girl. But we face two really crappy things. I know I would have hyperemesis again. I don't know if I could survive it. And of course, the 25% chance of the disease...
We've learned that there is never a "perfect" time to have a baby. If you wait for it, you will likely be childless. So if we got a surprise pregnancy, that would answer the question. If we try for it, is something we haven't come close to figuring out yet.
And that, is my very long update to my first post in this thread. I figured I'm allowed to update since my answer has changed!
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Such a wonderful and poignant story, garnet <3 You are an amazing family and I really wish you all the best.
We both want children, it's pretty important to us. Two would be ideal. I know he'd like a boy and a girl, in that order if possible. I haven't really thought about my preference, I guess I have none. An elderly woman in my granny's town who fancies herself clairvoyant, told my granny I was to have two sons. I wouldn't mind that.
He knows I wouldn't like to have children out of wedlock. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, just I think life would be a lot less complicated for both us and the children if we were married first. So it'll still be some time until we go for it.
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Thanks for sharing your story, Garnet. It must be difficult having to deal with all that, but you do seem to have a good grasp on the situation, and it's obvious that it has not stopped you from loving your baby so much, which is great to hear Best of luck to you and your family now and in the coming years, and I do hope things get easier for you in time.You never forget your first love...
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Garnet, I wish good luck and health for your family.
I had never really thought about kids until I met my SO, mainly because I didn't think I'd be a good mom. My SO however is dead set on having children since he wants to continue the family name so at first it was a rough topic but as I got to know him and really see how great of a dad he'd be, my opinion changed and now I want a whole bunch of kids. Preferably 5 boys and 1 girl. Hopefully everything works out in our favor.
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Uhm so I kind of strongly dislike children...so I use to never want any. (This is because of all the whiney brats I see running around, acting disrespectful, and just being so darn annoying). It may also be because I grew up with what I would call a large family (7 kids) and I just don't know how my parents did it =)
But, I think with my SO I would have one. In a long long long loooonngggg time. My child will never be allowed to be a brat haha. At first he was really bothered by the fact that I disliked kids and didn't want one but he convinced me that if we had a kid it wouldn't have to be like that. Oh so comforting :P
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I never wanted kids until I my SO.. I don't know what it was, but I can still remember the feeling that I had when I saw him and realized it and thought: I want him to be the father of my children!\\ Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything //
\\ happens for a reason //
\\ We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing //
\\ When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” //
\\They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, I told them they didn’t understand life!! //
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I definitely want children with my boyfriend, but not for a while. We both want time where it's just us so we can get used to marriage before starting a family. Also we both know that we'll want time for ourselves after all the time we'll have been long distance. We've talked about marriage and kids, but not any details since we don't want to detract from the relationship we have now.
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Hands down, yes. One of the things that attracts me to him the most is that he's SUCH a family man. He actually has a son from a previous relationship, and I kid you not, he looks like a little Harry Potter. We've interacted several times over skype, and my boyfriend said his son never talks like this with anyone (strangers, at least). I'm utterly in love with his son already, and I know starting our own family is going to be one of the greatest joys of my life. We talk about kids constantly, but I want to wait a couple of years to establish myself in Ireland when I move there, as well as seriously write my novel. I wouldn't have any other man as the father of my children, though--he is so loving, kind, and caring."I love thee to the depth, and breadth, and height my soul can reach..." ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning
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My father had hemophilia, so I am a carrier. That makes my prospects for children very daunting. If I have a girl, she is in the clear, but if I have a boy, he has a 50% chance of getting the disease.
For those of you that don't know about hemophilia, it is one HELL of a disease to deal with and pay for... not to mention that it was a major cause for the spread of HIV in the 80's (medical hygiene standards have gone up, but... still).
On top of that, as if it wasn't bad enough, I have several family health problems and so does my SO. So I'm thinking that kids is just a really bad idea. I REALLY REALLY want my own kids. I want to see what my babies look like and act like, but... It's just not a good idea.
Sooo... I will probably adopt if I decide to have kids...
My SO and I have mentioned it briefly (I think much farther ahead than him and I don't want to scare him). We talked about my problem, but never in a "planning for the future" sense. More in a casual way. He wants a boy, I want a girl. We both want two kids. And we both want to wait several years before we get married and start seriously planning this kind of stuff.
Would I want to have kids with my SO? Yes
Should I? A.) too early and B.) bad idea
Do I want to raise kids with him? Certainly, in the future when we're more secure. We will see how it goes.
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Yes! We are so excited for the day we can get married and start a family =) We would like about 2 or 3 and have some names in mind already
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