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Long Distance Break-Up: Is He Really Gone?!

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    Long Distance Break-Up: Is He Really Gone?!

    ​This is kind of an update from my story, which I shared a few weeks ago...

    My boyfriend (of over 2.5 years) and I broke up a month and a half ago. We have been doing long distance for a year (he's a diplomat serving a 2.5 year post). He had come for a visit and to celebrate my birthday in late July. However, he didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with me because he had to split his time with family and friends (which is not something he openly said he had to do--he was just running around, busy and all).

    We fought (I initiated)--about commitment issues and after I expressed dissatisfaction about him not incorporating me more into his life (especially here when he's in town). He begged me to be patient, but I persisted since this has been brought up before. After the fight, we just kept silent and gave each other space for two weeks.

    At the two week mark, I reached out and apologized. But he was angry. He said he didn't want to continue and that he already found someone else, someone there. The way he said it, it could be assumed that they got together during the two week period, but maybe it's just me who wants to give him the benefit of the doubt. I want to think he made her up in anger. I am/was in disbelief because he had just asked me to move with him to his (temporary--1.5 more years) post in Africa and he seemed head over heels with me just weeks prior.

    I heard through the grapevine that he had been going through sensitive family issues that he didn't want to bring up. So, that's why I question the other woman. Perhaps he tried to cover that up.

    That was like five weeks ago. This is the longest we've gone without communication.

    I reached out to him two days ago, thinking he'd be in town since his work is hosting a huge conference. It's likely he's not since I got an out-of-office reply from him saying he'd be out of the office for only two days. Anyway, in that email, I was not sad; I wasn't needy; I didn't bring up our relationship issues; I didn't say I miss him, etc. I simply gave him an update on me (ie: my new job, my mini trip home, and my 5K-running progress) and tried to covertly remind him of why he loved me. He hasn't responded yet.

    What if he doesn't? What if he's totally moved on?

    The pain has been immense and lingering. I really miss his presence in my life--he has been an amazing supporter and fan. This is one of the hardest things I've been through. I'm just constantly wondering why I wasn't enough for him and why he gave up. I'm reeling here, confused over happened. Could he just cut himself off? Has the past two years been a waste and meaningless? What is he thinking now?

    #2
    I hate to tell you what you don't want to hear, but after 5 weeks of no contact, its over. He told you he found someone else and if he hasn't replied or initiated contact with you I'd say there might be some truth to that. As hard as it is try to move on and look after yourself during this hard time.

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      #3
      I'm sorry, but I think Redheart is right, he's moved on. If he was just mad, he would have contacted you weeks ago, if he needed some time, he would have told you that. If you're still unsure, give him a full week to see if he responds to your email, if he doesn't, you have a definitive answer.
      Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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        #4
        While I do agree that he probably has moved on. I also think that he didn't have the decency to be totally honest with you. You deserve honesty.

        First Visit: September 2016
        Second Visit: January 2017 (Her birthday)
        Third Visit: June 2018 (medical conference near her home)

        John 3:16
        For God so loved the world. That he gave his only begotten son. For whosoever believeth in him. Shall not perish but have eternal life
        John 4:12
        I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

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