Hey everyone,
BACK STORY
I have been in a long distance relationship going on 4 years. In June, we got engaged. If you have seen my last post, it was about advice and chances of him getting a visa to come to the US from Costa Rica. He tried in February, but got denied. That was when things got pretty bad. He ended up making a fake KIK account to talk to me (I had no clue it was him) to see if I would cheat or something like that. I don't understand why, since he never asked me anything where I would want to sext him or flirt, but I showed my boyfriend and said this guy was texting me. Then, no contact from the dude on kik. A few months went by and I found out (long story) that it my boyfriend who made the account. I thought it was purely for fun, but when I asked him, he lied and said it wasn't him. We argued for some time and told me it was him and the reason behind it was a friend of mine told him I was cheating. Came to find out, that girl didn't exist. He tried to save his ass and not own up to the fact that he created the fake account because he felt like he didn't trust me. Well, that took a strain on our relationship, but we got past it. I thought about getting engaged later on, and getting married in a few years. He agreed to that in December before that drama happened. In May, I brought it up and he said yes, then I bought a ring (yes I did, not super expensive, just for us to be "official") and then he started having doubts. He said we were too young (19, 20) and that he didn't know if it was for the best. By that time, it was a few days before I would go and see him in June for a month. I go to see him, everything is fine and happy and great. He proposed late June, and we are set. Then at the end of August, I would bring up small things about how we might want the wedding or where, and he wouldn't talk about it. He REFUSED to talk about the future with me. That's never happened before. He wouldn't even tell me what dream job he would like to have because he wanted to live in the "now". That threw me off, and all through September we argued because I had no idea why he was acting this way. He became a bit distant and wasn't interested in sex very much. I tried to communicate with him and all he could tell me was that he was stressed (and to his defense, he had a lot more family issues, school issues, and job issues along with issues with me, so I understood)
Fast foward to a few weeks ago, and we broke up. The way he did it was completely and entirely fucked up. He told me that he had a crush on another girl, and said he talked to his mom, friends, and family. They all said he should tell me. I told him it was his decision and that I would stick with him until he decided. He then told me he did not want a relationship, sex or anything at all at the moment, and that he wanted to focus on himself. I was distraught, but did not push it. I asked him if this girl he had a crush on was real later that night, he told me no. He said he wanted ME to break up with him because it was too hard for him to do (backassward thinking prevails) and that he wasn't sure what to do. That was why he made up the girl. By this time, he had already deleted me and my family from facebook, all pictures from everywhere was deleted (all his pictures I mean) and he had told me he would send my stuff back and pay me back $500 for a plane ticket I had already bought.
After some talking, he added me back on Facebook and told me that he actually wanted me to come see him in December. He told me he wanted time to think about us and his life, and what he wants. I told him I would think about it too, and that I would decide if I wanted to come in December. The next day, I did not talk to him for 2 days (being upset, trying to give him time to think) and then the night we started talking, we talked about our relationship a little bit, and then he asked me to have sex (sext and dirty talk) out of nowhere. I wanted it, and so we did. A week went by, and I brought up the relationship a few times and every time he shut me down saying he needed time to think. At this point, I am pissed. It sounds more like a final thing, than temporary. So I gave it a few days, brought it up again and spilled my heart to him. I told him no pressure, but that we needed to communicate. He then went on to tell me that he felt pressured and stressed about being engaged, and that he only wanted to date me and got engaged to make me happy. He told me he loved and cared for me, but that he wanted to work on himself and mature before getting into anything again with me, as it is not fair to either of us. A night later, we had sex again (he did not mind me calling him baby, honey, etc. during these times). And he seemed all more willing for sex. He initiated it (he never does that, even in person) and was much more interested. He sent pics and we had phone sex. It seemed off to me that he would do that, as he never offered it much when we were a couple (we had skype sex more often as a couple anyways). He is NOT the kind of guy to have casual sex. He is awkward and horrible at communicating his wants and needs. He told me specifically this was not about going out and screwing other people, but about himself and his problems.
He still wants me to come in December, but I am afraid it would all be sexual, or we would get back together for the wrong reasons. I told him no physical contact of the sort would happen unless we were truly back together and what not BEFORE i come. He ended up getting a job that has him working 12 hours a day and is now asking me to reconsider coming in December, whether we are together or not. I would only see him a few hours a day and he's off 2 days a week. He said he still can not give me a clear answer on whether we will get back together, but that he's thinking about it and that I make him happy.
I am asking this for everyone to answer, what should I do? About the relationship, coming to see him, everything. I am very lost at this point. What would you do?
BACK STORY
I have been in a long distance relationship going on 4 years. In June, we got engaged. If you have seen my last post, it was about advice and chances of him getting a visa to come to the US from Costa Rica. He tried in February, but got denied. That was when things got pretty bad. He ended up making a fake KIK account to talk to me (I had no clue it was him) to see if I would cheat or something like that. I don't understand why, since he never asked me anything where I would want to sext him or flirt, but I showed my boyfriend and said this guy was texting me. Then, no contact from the dude on kik. A few months went by and I found out (long story) that it my boyfriend who made the account. I thought it was purely for fun, but when I asked him, he lied and said it wasn't him. We argued for some time and told me it was him and the reason behind it was a friend of mine told him I was cheating. Came to find out, that girl didn't exist. He tried to save his ass and not own up to the fact that he created the fake account because he felt like he didn't trust me. Well, that took a strain on our relationship, but we got past it. I thought about getting engaged later on, and getting married in a few years. He agreed to that in December before that drama happened. In May, I brought it up and he said yes, then I bought a ring (yes I did, not super expensive, just for us to be "official") and then he started having doubts. He said we were too young (19, 20) and that he didn't know if it was for the best. By that time, it was a few days before I would go and see him in June for a month. I go to see him, everything is fine and happy and great. He proposed late June, and we are set. Then at the end of August, I would bring up small things about how we might want the wedding or where, and he wouldn't talk about it. He REFUSED to talk about the future with me. That's never happened before. He wouldn't even tell me what dream job he would like to have because he wanted to live in the "now". That threw me off, and all through September we argued because I had no idea why he was acting this way. He became a bit distant and wasn't interested in sex very much. I tried to communicate with him and all he could tell me was that he was stressed (and to his defense, he had a lot more family issues, school issues, and job issues along with issues with me, so I understood)
Fast foward to a few weeks ago, and we broke up. The way he did it was completely and entirely fucked up. He told me that he had a crush on another girl, and said he talked to his mom, friends, and family. They all said he should tell me. I told him it was his decision and that I would stick with him until he decided. He then told me he did not want a relationship, sex or anything at all at the moment, and that he wanted to focus on himself. I was distraught, but did not push it. I asked him if this girl he had a crush on was real later that night, he told me no. He said he wanted ME to break up with him because it was too hard for him to do (backassward thinking prevails) and that he wasn't sure what to do. That was why he made up the girl. By this time, he had already deleted me and my family from facebook, all pictures from everywhere was deleted (all his pictures I mean) and he had told me he would send my stuff back and pay me back $500 for a plane ticket I had already bought.
After some talking, he added me back on Facebook and told me that he actually wanted me to come see him in December. He told me he wanted time to think about us and his life, and what he wants. I told him I would think about it too, and that I would decide if I wanted to come in December. The next day, I did not talk to him for 2 days (being upset, trying to give him time to think) and then the night we started talking, we talked about our relationship a little bit, and then he asked me to have sex (sext and dirty talk) out of nowhere. I wanted it, and so we did. A week went by, and I brought up the relationship a few times and every time he shut me down saying he needed time to think. At this point, I am pissed. It sounds more like a final thing, than temporary. So I gave it a few days, brought it up again and spilled my heart to him. I told him no pressure, but that we needed to communicate. He then went on to tell me that he felt pressured and stressed about being engaged, and that he only wanted to date me and got engaged to make me happy. He told me he loved and cared for me, but that he wanted to work on himself and mature before getting into anything again with me, as it is not fair to either of us. A night later, we had sex again (he did not mind me calling him baby, honey, etc. during these times). And he seemed all more willing for sex. He initiated it (he never does that, even in person) and was much more interested. He sent pics and we had phone sex. It seemed off to me that he would do that, as he never offered it much when we were a couple (we had skype sex more often as a couple anyways). He is NOT the kind of guy to have casual sex. He is awkward and horrible at communicating his wants and needs. He told me specifically this was not about going out and screwing other people, but about himself and his problems.
He still wants me to come in December, but I am afraid it would all be sexual, or we would get back together for the wrong reasons. I told him no physical contact of the sort would happen unless we were truly back together and what not BEFORE i come. He ended up getting a job that has him working 12 hours a day and is now asking me to reconsider coming in December, whether we are together or not. I would only see him a few hours a day and he's off 2 days a week. He said he still can not give me a clear answer on whether we will get back together, but that he's thinking about it and that I make him happy.
I am asking this for everyone to answer, what should I do? About the relationship, coming to see him, everything. I am very lost at this point. What would you do?
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