How An LDR is still the best experience for me

[leonina]

I think we all need encouragement from time to time when we see failed long distance relationships or ones that are currently failing, so here's my current and happy relationship benefits.

A long distance relationship has given me:

Independence. Things I never thought I would do like eat alone at a restaurant or go to a movie by myself. I now have the freedom to enjoy being by myself. It is nice to use this time to make friends and also invest in my current friendships since much of my time is free now.

Strength. Do you know what it takes to be alone? To watch other people interact with their loved ones while you are by yourself? I do, and I have grown stronger from it. I now know that I can commit myself to a relationship that is not based on emotional manipulation or physical attraction.

A sense of what I deserve. Before I met Judsen, I believed that I should settle for any jerk on the street. They were interchangeable and one after the other they had drilled this in my head. But J made me realize that I don't need a jerk in my life. If I want someone to support my goals and to treat me with respect, I should have that! I will never settle for less again (and I will never have to because I have found The One).

Deep love. Long distance has strengthened our relationship. We are being tested on the bond between us, and so far we have won.

Happiness. I think about all the times we've chatted on the phone (and I've almost ran into a car or two with my reckless driving), or sprinting home to Skype with him, and I smile at these moments. I enjoy laughing with him over a recent episode of our favorite show or guessing what's going to happen next in the book we're reading together (but apart ) 7 hours away from me and he still manages to give me a huge amount of joy that keeps me going in this relationship.

Direction. I may not know where I'm going, but I know I'm going to do my best to get wherever J is. Even if it means working my tail off 70 hours a week (starting in January) so we can afford a home in a few years, or sitting alone day after day while he is doing a surgery rotation. I want to do these things with J and no one else. I want our shack on the beach and a two bedroom house in a quiet neighborhood with HIM. A married friend of mine once said: "Love is when you can't see yourself living without him, and you never want to."

What has your LDR given you?

[Moon]

Patience, most definitely patience!

Trust - I'm not a very trusting person, I don't truly trust anyone, outside of my family. I trust him.

[Caitlin2009]

defiantly patience, fighting for what i want which is to have her under one roof at some point so not giving up no matter what stands in our way, the true meaning of love before Denise i never knew the true meaning of love the kind of love that only comes once in a lifetime! laughter i never had that before i met her she's always making me laugh no matter what my mood i can be in such an angry mood from the day and within minutes of talking to her she'll make me laugh hysterically and put me in a good mood. The true meaning of making love, i have never felt more loved or had someone be so intuned with my needs while they were making love to me like she has. Trust, although i still have once in a blue moon issues with that its not as bad as it used to be but i trust her with all my heart and i know deep down she'll never hurt me, communicating before Denise i never liked to keep in touch with really anyone because i was so shy since we started dating its important for me to call her everyday and when we argue we always talk it out no matter how long it takes until its solved. Thats only a few things ive learned

[squiddie]

Patience.

The ability to function on my own, and the knowledge to know that I could should I ever have to, though I'll never want to.

The motivation to find new interests, to get myself out of the house.

The desire to make myself as marketable as possible when I start trying to find a job out where he lives. To make them realize they should pick ME as opposed to someone who already lives in Arizona or is a graduate of ASU's program, as opposed to little ol' me, living across the country.

[LadyMarchHare]

Good thread idea. It's always more beneficial to focus on the positives in these situations.

What my LDR has given me:

- Strength. I may stumble, but I never fall and I have two reasons to keep going; myself and my SO.

- Trust. I don't trust very easily and I've had a bad past with wanting to control online friends because of it, so this has been a learning experience.

- Self confidence. They say you can't love others before you love yourself, but for me it took someone's love to have me learn to accept, or at least start to accept, myself.

- Hope. I feel the future can be more certain, more positive whereas before I believed I would be alone and miserable.

All I can think of at the moment.

[pytsip]

Courage, I have never really had the courage to step out of my comfort zone, I have always lived close to home and have always had the crutch of my friends and family to fall back on, I have never really been forced to meet new people and fend for myself and nor had my boyfriend. But watching him up and leave everything that he had ever known to go to a country that he didn't know the language, only knew the person he was going with, etc, and watching him go from being terrified, stressed, and anxious about the new settings to loving where he is and truly enjoying himself and learning who he really is has made me realize that I can do it as well. I had always wanted to study abroad, but I was always scared to do so, being with him and him showing me that it's not as scary as it seems has given me the courage to just go ahead and do it.

Patience, oh boy have I gotten more patient with people in general. When he first moved there, if I were to go 3 days without talking to him, I would get pissed, angry, anxious and everything else, since though I have realized that I will talk to him, that it may not be 7 days before I do, but that I will talk to him and it's not worth getting worked up about and that I just need to understand that there's 12 hours difference between us, we both work 8 hours a day and we both have lives outside of sitting in front of the computer talking with each other.

Love, sure, I loved him before he left, but since he's been there, I have really been able to tell that I truly LOVE him, there's no way that I would ever put up with not being with him for 4 months or more if I didn't, and I truly believe in our future enough to wait the 3 years that he's going to be abroad because I know that 4 years from now, I'm still going to be in love with him and I'm still going to want to be with him, to eventually get married to him, to have his kids and to grow old with him. This long distance thing has only confirmed to me that he's the one for me.

[Andy]

Great idea for a thread!

I think my main positive would be the strength of my relationship with Tanja. I don't think it would be anywhere near as strong if we'd have been close distance all this time. In and LDR communication is not only vital, but often it's all you have! So you just talk and talk and talk, especially at the beginning. I think this enabled us to forge a great bond and friendship initially before we moved on, and that's grown as time has gone by.

Secondly I appreciate every single second with Tanja, I truly do. I try to savour every moment I spend with her because I know it will come to an end, usually within merely a matter of weeks. I think that's somewhat rarer in CDRs as people take it so much more for granted. But I really appreciate every aspect of the time I get with her, holding hands, being able to kiss her, just being close to her. Every moment is special

[Èternity]

Passion and Play! It's made me feel young and wanted again.

[xMesmerize124]

My LDR given me strength, happiness, and independence. I am truly happy i am with my bf, he really taught me to that i am a very smart young lady that i can do whatever that is i want to do if i really set my mind to it and i don't have to settle for anything less what i truly deserve.

[5000miles]

What my LDR has given me... (note: I understand these things aren't strictly BECAUSE I'm in a LDR, but rather because of my SO... but still.)

Support... I know that no matter how far apart we are, he is always supporting me and my decisions, even from halway around the world.

Confidence... I have really low self-confidence. Part of that is because I was made to feel like a dissapointment as a child and young adult. Since I have been with my SO, my confidence in myself has gone leaps and bounds. I still struggle with my self esteem, but I don't see myself as poorly as I used to.

Passion... In past relationships I've always wondered if there was something wrong with my brain. I "loved" the person I was with but I never felt passionate about them. I didn't have strong urges to cuddle or kiss or anything else further. I just did it because doing those things is part of a relationship and I just figured there was something wrong with me. I am very passionate about my SO. I want to show him I love him in everyway possible. And not just because I feel like I should.

Self worth... this could kind of tie into confidence, but it doesn't have anything to do with looks. Because I felt like a dissapointment much of my life, I'm always apologizing. Even for things I have no control over. For example: my SO tells me he'll be an hour later coming online because he needs to help his step dad. I say "Okay, I'm sorry". And no, it's not an empathetic apology. I sincerly feel like I'm at fault. Out of context, it seems ridiculous, but in the moment I really feel like I need to apologize. He has helped me see how ridiculous it is and is helping me see my own self worth and that I'm not always at fault.

There's lots more, but those are a few of the big things. I <3 my Scotty

[Karringtyn]

Awesome thread.

Patience. I am not a patient person. I have no choice now.

No Drama. My life was drama-ridden...it is no longer. It is almost impossible to have drama and keep sane when the one you love is so far away...no phone call precious moments are to be wasted on drama.

Hope. I am alive again.

Trust. I have let all my walls down.

Strength. I drove 7 hours away....in a totally different part of the country.....3 times...

Ahh My life is so much better now.

[paulawriteslove]

My LDR has given me:

-Patience: I've learned how to relax and let things come when they come.
-Independence: This has really helped me be on my own. Before this relationship I was very clingy to everyone and now I'm more on my own. This has also helped me get out of my comfort zone.
-Confidence: This helped me love myself! I used to be self conscious but Ryan has helped me learn to love myself

[leonina]

Awww looking at all these positive answers makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside

[Mio]

Yay! Every relationship has it pros!

[Rach321]

What great responses!

I agree with my relationship teaching me patience, confidence, strength, independence.

The one thing that I really find I have learned is to be more comfortable with uncertainty, especially in our current situation, where there are many things outside our control that influence when we will see each other again and how often we're able to communicate. Even worse, the fact that he's in a place where he can often hear explosions going off in the distance and sometimes they go off when we're talking on skype and I can see his facial expressions in reaction, which causes me to question whether I'll ever see him again, though it pains me to even think that thought... :S

Over the past 7 months that he's been overseas, I have learned that, in the end, nothing is certain. That allowing myself to freak out over things, no matter how big or small, doesn't really help me. I've learned that uncertainty is not always a bad thing, and that I'm a much happier person when I give up control and just let things move as they are meant to.