Worried about being clingy over a friend's death

[The Doctor]

Hey guys hope your all doing well I've been having a few thoughts over the last couple of days and I need to vent somewhere otherwise my Autistic mind is going to go into overdrive.

Ok here goes and why it relates to the thread title and yeah I know it's not a guy thing to talk about feelings but with the way my brain works if I don't talk about it I'll go nuts, in the early hours of last Wednesday I got a heartbreaking email from my friend's 17 year old son saying that he'd found his Father's body on the floor with a noose around his neck as well as a bunch of pills left all over the floor, apparently there was a lot of elements in place such as he'd been drinking heavily since himself and his son moved from where they were living due to his wife passing away from Leukemia back in April of this year and when he moved to his new Lawyer firm he wasn't winning cases like he used to and was becoming a bit of a joke around the office to from what I understand really destroyed his confidence and over the weekend before he died he'd started going extremely quiet and barely acknowledging anything around him.

Then next thing I know I got that email, the funeral was yesterday and his son text me and told me that he broke down when they pulled his Dad's coffin out of the car Now thankfully his Girlfriend's Mother has agreed to take him in but for them to have separate rooms so that they're not in each other's faces all the time.

Now the reason why I type all this (sorry for the long winded story) is that I'm trying to hold on to let all my emotions out until I see my girlfriend this weekend (she of course knows what's been going on) but I'm wondering if that's a step too far and if I'm being clingy to choose to do that?

[Chris516]

Hey guys hope your all doing well I've been having a few thoughts over the last couple of days and I need to vent somewhere otherwise my Autistic mind is going to go into overdrive.

Ok here goes and why it relates to the thread title and yeah I know it's not a guy thing to talk about feelings but with the way my brain works if I don't talk about it I'll go nuts, in the early hours of last Wednesday I got a heartbreaking email from my friend's 17 year old son saying that he'd found his Father's body on the floor with a noose around his neck as well as a bunch of pills left all over the floor, apparently there was a lot of elements in place such as he'd been drinking heavily since himself and his son moved from where they were living due to his wife passing away from Leukemia back in April of this year and when he moved to his new Lawyer firm he wasn't winning cases like he used to and was becoming a bit of a joke around the office to from what I understand really destroyed his confidence and over the weekend before he died he'd started going extremely quiet and barely acknowledging anything around him.

Then next thing I know I got that email, the funeral was yesterday and his son text me and told me that he broke down when they pulled his Dad's coffin out of the car Now thankfully his Girlfriend's Mother has agreed to take him in but for them to have separate rooms so that they're not in each other's faces all the time.

Now the reason why I type all this (sorry for the long winded story) is that I'm trying to hold on to let all my emotions out until I see my girlfriend this weekend (she of course knows what's been going on) but I'm wondering if that's a step too far and if I'm being clingy to choose to do that?

What area of law, did your friend practice in? I think your waiting to see your girlfriend, so your emotions will constructively come out. Is a smart move on your part.

Back in June, my younger cousin died. When I first was told about my cousin's death, by my father. I was in absolute shock. Four days later at the family get-together following the funeral. I saw my oldest(younger than me) first-cousin(older sister of cousin that died). Then I made myself scarce for several hours because I felt like I was going to have a huge emotional breakdown in front of everyone. I got a little food, then went to the woods on side of the property and stayed there by myself. That was until my oldest first-cousin who I had seen earlier. Tracked me down. She asked me how I was feeling. Almost immediately, I grabbed her, held on tight, and the dam of tears just came gushing out.

She is the oldest of the three(she has another younger sister), and the one I can always talk to. I kept telling her how it wasn't fair(I will be 50 in May and have had three controlled but incurable physical health problems' pretty much all my life. The cousin who died would have been 41 last month. She had several health problems' but none of them she was born with.). She had made her peace with her sister's death. I haven't. I still have a lot of guilt.

My point in saying all this is, like you I wanted to hold it in as long as I could. I was thankful. That it was my first-cousin. Because no one else appreciated my reaction. Just like your girlfriend may be the only one who fully understands. Like your friend, my oldest first-cousin is an attorney.

[Honour]

There is NO shame in displaying emotion, Doc. You're human, and no one can expect you to be made of hard-cast iron. Don't feel ashamed for letting loose a few tears and wanting comfort, because it's ok to feel that way. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this.

[sasad]

I am so sorry for you loss, and send prayers to all involved.

I am not sure why you are holding on and waiting toll you see your gf? If you need to cry, let it go. Nothing at all wrong with that. I lost both sets of grandparents and aunt.. my mothers identical twin, and I wasn't done grieving after 1 cry.. Don't make your self sick holding stuff back. Peace to all of you.

[Elizabeth123]

Very sorry for your loss. It's not clingy to need support in such times. You are there for your SO as I'm sure she wants to be there for you. Grieve as you need to and keeping you in my thoughts.

[mochabeans]

Guys have feelings too it's fine to talk about them. There's nothing weak about grieving if a friend passes away and s.o.'s are there to help when things are hard.

[The Doctor]

Thank you all for your kind words it means a lot, I will say this having Aspergers and it being part of the Autistic spectrum is a bitch whenever you have to question situations like this and work even harder to work out what's normal and what isn't.

[mochabeans]

Totally understandable.