Hello from newbie

[sunbrite]

Hello all....... I wasn't looking for love but met someone on a site, and from the very first conversation just knew we were for each other. It may not be as other long distance relationships. It has been three months. He asked me to move over there with him, but I really don't want to leave my country so he said that he will leave everything and move. He has sent me airfare money and have booked to go over there at the start of February. We are together all our spare time video chatting and tonight we are watching a movie together. I have no doubt that he is the one for me and we love each other very much. I never dreamt that would be in a long distance relationship and a lot of the time find it hard and get to start feeling down. Being a newbie to all of this I really need tips on how to keep it working. Any tips. silly ones to serious ones. I am just feeling myself adjusting to this and want this to happen because we truly know we are the ones for each other. Thank you,x

[Chris516]

Hello all....... I wasn't looking for love but met someone on a site, and from the very first conversation just knew we were for each other. It may not be as other long distance relationships. It has been three months. He asked me to move over there with him, but I really don't want to leave my country so he said that he will leave everything and move. He has sent me airfare money and have booked to go over there at the start of February. We are together all our spare time video chatting and tonight we are watching a movie together. I have no doubt that he is the one for me and we love each other very much. I never dreamt that would be in a long distance relationship and a lot of the time find it hard and get to start feeling down. Being a newbie to all of this I really need tips on how to keep it working. Any tips. silly ones to serious ones. I am just feeling myself adjusting to this and want this to happen because we truly know we are the ones for each other. Thank you,x

Have both of you, learned about each other's culture?

[Moon]

Hi and welcome to LFAD. Keeping the relationship going isn't as difficult and daunting as it seems right now. While LDR's do have their own set of challenges, it's still just another relationship to maintain, don't let the distance overwhelm you. If you look through the main site, you'll find a ton of ideas to keep your relationship interesting and give you topics to talk about, like:

https://lovingfromadistance.com/thingsforldrcouplestodo.html

https://lovingfromadistance.com/1000questions.html

And plenty of others.

This forum is a wealth of information, some of it better than others, but there are quite of few of us who are experienced international LDR vets who are always happy to help, Just take your relationship one day at a time, meet in person before worrying too much about who's moving where, visit both places and be practical about it. If the relationship is a good match, you can make this work. It's not always easy, but it can be very rewarding! Good luck.

[sunbrite]

Hi.... Thank you... Yes we know each others' culture. He is a very modern person. We have no problems with anything that neither believe in. I have been getting to feeling quite down because just miss him so much even though we spend so much time together. Sometimes it seems the more time spent with him that miss him more. I am getting anxiety of travelling over there. Not due to him, but am not a big traveller and it will be a long trip on my own. I sometimes wish had thought it through beforehand and have him come over here instead. But am slowly gaining confidence as always was an adventurer until some set backs a few years back. Today am feeling very positive because I found myself just really staying home waiting to be with him, and not doing much else. It seemed hard to find a balance if that makes sense. But now am carrying on as normal doing all the things that used to do, and was also very exhausted chatting due to time difference staying up very late.

We have seemed to have found a balance now and I don't let myself get exhausted. I just sleep when need to instead of staying up chatting, and then when we do chat I feel much better. It's just that it is my first ever long distance relationship, and really didn't know how to handle it. I almost gave up on it because was feeling not positive that we will ever be together and thought would be best to let go now. So there have been ups and downs. But he is very good with calming me if I do start feeling a little stressed. Yes I am a stress head lol, so all the overthinking was making me feel insane. Where as he is a very calm person that can put things into perspective when I am feeling all scattered.

So looks like will be going for sure in February, and my nerves of travelling are getting less each day. I try to take care of myself better, doing a lot of things to occupy me. Now am feeling quite excited, and positive about the whole thing. I just never imagined myself in such a situation. I was struggling a lot for some time there.

[sunbrite]

I know that for sure that will not move over there.. I am from Australia, and really could not live anywhere else. I have my son here which I could not live without, and my whole life. Where he has only been in the country that he is in now for 2 years and has no really big ties. If I went there I would not be able to get a job which with him it is fine, but with me it would drive me insane and would be bored and homesick all the time.

[Chris516]

Hi.... Thank you... Yes we know each others' culture. He is a very modern person. We have no problems with anything that neither believe in. I have been getting to feeling quite down because just miss him so much even though we spend so much time together. Sometimes it seems the more time spent with him that miss him more. I am getting anxiety of travelling over there. Not due to him, but am not a big traveler and it will be a long trip on my own. I sometimes wish had thought it through beforehand and have him come over here instead. But am slowly gaining confidence as always was an adventurer until some set backs a few years back. Today am feeling very positive because I found myself just really staying home waiting to be with him, and not doing much else. It seemed hard to find a balance if that makes sense. But now am carrying on as normal doing all the things that used to do, and was also very exhausted chatting due to time difference staying up very late.

We have seemed to have found a balance now and I don't let myself get exhausted. I just sleep when need to instead of staying up chatting, and then when we do chat I feel much better. It's just that it is my first ever long distance relationship, and really didn't know how to handle it. I almost gave up on it because was feeling not positive that we will ever be together and thought would be best to let go now. So there have been ups and downs. But he is very good with calming me if I do start feeling a little stressed. Yes I am a stress head lol, so all the overthinking was making me feel insane. Where as he is a very calm person that can put things into perspective when I am feeling all scattered.

So looks like will be going for sure in February, and my nerves of travelling are getting less each day. I try to take care of myself better, doing a lot of things to occupy me. Now am feeling quite excited, and positive about the whole thing. I just never imagined myself in such a situation. I was struggling a lot for some time there.

That is good news.

I know that for sure that will not move over there.. I am from Australia, and really could not live anywhere else. I have my son here which I could not live without, and my whole life. Where he has only been in the country that he is in now for 2 years and has no really big ties. If I went there I would not be able to get a job which with him it is fine, but with me it would drive me insane and would be bored and homesick all the time.

Your son......hmmmm. I know you didn't say anything about his father. But where does your son's father live? I ask that. Because as children, for two years my younger brother n' I were separated from our dad by more than the Atlantic Ocean. My dad has lived in DC for almost fifty years. But 1970-1987(3-20yrs.-old), I lived in six different states and England. It wasn't my choice to live in England. It was my mother's selfish choice. I hated it.

[sasad]

That is good news.

Your son......hmmmm. I know you didn't say anything about his father. But where does your son's father live? I ask that. Because as children, for two years my younger brother n' I were separated from our dad by more than the Atlantic Ocean. My dad has lived in DC for almost fifty years. But 1970-1987(3-20yrs.-old), I lived in six different states and England. It wasn't my choice to live in England. It was my mother's selfish choice. I hated it.

She won't leave because her son is there. As is her life. And sometimes it's not the dad that you need to say for, grandparents can get custodial rights as well.

I lived in 19 states and 3 countries. It wasn't my choice, but I learned to adapt and grow from it. That's what you do as A CO (that's a Commanding Officer) daughter. And I am better off for it. So sorry you are so bitter with your mother,
OP- I get it. I can't imagine leaving my son in another state. I am lucky my SO would move here in a heartbeat as well. And the job thing... I work for the government now, just couldn't imagine not having my job. It seems like you both communicate well! And anxiety is so normal. It's ok to get a little wack now and then- as long as you don't lose yourself or control.
Best of luck to you all !

[sunbrite]

About the father

That is good news.

Your son......hmmmm. I know you didn't say anything about his father. But where does your son's father live? I ask that. Because as children, for two years my younger brother n' I were separated from our dad by more than the Atlantic Ocean. My dad has lived in DC for almost fifty years. But 1970-1987(3-20yrs.-old), I lived in six different states and England. It wasn't my choice to live in England. It was my mother's selfish choice. I hated it.

His father. My husband of 17 years walked out on us 8 years ago. Not just on me but also his own son. My son has been through a lot with his false promises and lies, and it took him years to stick up to himself to his father and no longer wants anything to do with him. The things things that he has done have been unforgivable. I raised my son alone since he was 11. His father wants nothing to do with him and is happy with his new family. He does not ring his son for birthdays, especially his 18th. He does not call to say Merry Christmas. Once he walked out that door he hasn't looked back. My ex husband is happy looking after his girlfriends son as his own and wants nothing to do with his. My choice is basically easy.

[Chris516]

His father. My husband of 17 years walked out on us 8 years ago. Not just on me but also his own son. My son has been through a lot with his false promises and lies, and it took him years to stick up to himself to his father and no longer wants anything to do with him. The things that he has done have been unforgivable. I raised my son alone since he was 11. His father wants nothing to do with him and is happy with his new family. He does not ring his son for birthdays, especially his 18th. He does not call to say Merry Christmas. Once he walked out that door he hasn't looked back. My ex husband is happy looking after his girlfriends son as his own and wants nothing to do with his. My choice is basically easy.

Ok, That makes more sense.

[Chris516]

His father. My husband of 17 years walked out on us 8 years ago. Not just on me but also his own son. My son has been through a lot with his false promises and lies, and it took him years to stick up to himself to his father and no longer wants anything to do with him. The things that he has done have been unforgivable. I raised my son alone since he was 11. His father wants nothing to do with him and is happy with his new family. He does not ring his son for birthdays, especially his 18th. He does not call to say Merry Christmas. Once he walked out that door he hasn't looked back. My ex husband is happy looking after his girlfriends son as his own and wants nothing to do with his. My choice is basically easy.

Ok, That makes more sense.

She won't leave because her son is there. As is her life. And sometimes it's not the dad that you need to say for, grandparents can get custodial rights as well.

I lived in 19 states and 3 countries. It wasn't my choice, but I learned to adapt and grow from it. That's what you do as A CO (that's a Commanding Officer) daughter. And I am better off for it. So sorry you are so bitter with your mother,
OP- I get it. I can't imagine leaving my son in another state. I am lucky my SO would move here in a heartbeat as well. And the job thing... I work for the government now, just couldn't imagine not having my job. It seems like you both communicate well! And anxiety is so normal. It's ok to get a little wack now and then- as long as you don't lose yourself or control.
Best of luck to you all !

I was thinking of the dad. Because they are so often an afterthought. In both the courts and society. But the OP explained why the father is AWOL, so to speak.

The difference between you n' me is, you lived in a military family. So, When the military says to go somewhere, your parent couldn't disobey. My mother initially wanted to live in England for five years. It didn't matter what I or my younger brother felt. My younger brother had no problem. But, Because of my physical(and incurable) health problems since birth, I was an easy target for bullies. It didn't matter what side of the Atlantic Ocean I was on. I ran away from school multiple times because the school always blamed me for what the bullies did to me. I was even kicked out of two schools for fighting back against the bullies. The only good thing about living in England, was traveling to other countries in Europe and Africa. I was only 9yrs.-old(and my younger brother 7yrs.-old) when my mother left the U.S. with us in tow. Since she had primary custody. My parent's even blamed me for my reaction to the bullies. It wasn't until a couple years ago(30yrs. after graduating from high school) when I had an emotional breakdown in front of my parents', over everything that happened when I was in school. Even to the point of sticking me in a behavior modification school. Society's view was(and to some extent still is the attitude in schools) 'sticks and stones may break, my bones. But names will never hurt me'. That was(and still is), an ignorant approach on the part of school systems'.