I'm going to try to keep this as to the point as possible. I went to visit my boyfriend in Connecticut this weekend. Saturday, on our trip back from Boston, we got on the topic of our future. I asked him why he felt it was best to wait until he deployed and returned for us to get married. His response was, "because I'm not ready." This surprised me, so I asked, "emotionally, are you not ready or what?" To which he responded, "I know you are the one, and I want to marry you. I am just not in the right place financially, which makes me feel inadequate as a man, and not ready to be a husband just yet." Long story short, his finances are not the greatest. Life happened, his career with the military was adjusted, and a lot of his plans for us had to change.
He explained that he wants to get himself established with his career in the Navy, and be better off financially before taking me on fully. He said he doesn't want any added stress from poor finances or even his job to hurt us, when the first year of marriage is already as fragile as it is. He blatantly said that he feels like "a piece of shit," because he isn't able to do what he wants as far as our relationship, and just his life in general. He is aware of what he needs to work on. One of those things being going out and spending money he doesn't have. My family thinks he's fooling me around and that I'm wasting my time. I don't feel the same. It's been brought to his attention, and it's something he's fixing. He has given me a timeline of when his finances will be better, and he will have less debt. He said February will be a brand new start for him financially and he can begin to work on settling his life with me.
The main thing is is that he wants to establish himself better financially, as well as being more of a man. He doesn't feel good about himself right now because of everything he's had to deal with. When my family tells me that I'm wasting my time, or that he's just fooling me around, I get upset because I know he's trying. Yes, do I get upset with some of the things he's done in the past, absolutely, but myself and a few of his friends have brought his faults to his attention, and he's working on bettering himself for not only himself, but for me. I honestly feel as though it would be so shitty of me to abandon him when I know he's working on himself and I'm just being impatient. It just feels like my family is trying to convince me to leave him, and that's not what I want to do, nor am I going to do.
It frustrates me because he's doing what he has to do to be the best version of himself for me. He wants to be a better man for me, be financially stable, and emotionally well, yet my family is still somewhat pressuring me to just walk away. You would think they would be appreciative of a man who wants to be the best he can be for their daughter before taking her hand in marriage. I respect his decisions, and I understand he needs to be better off financially, as well was feeling better about himself before pursuing marriage with me. I just wish my family could see it that way too instead of looking down on him because he isn't ready yet.
Any input, similar situations, or advice would be greatly appreciated.
He explained that he wants to get himself established with his career in the Navy, and be better off financially before taking me on fully. He said he doesn't want any added stress from poor finances or even his job to hurt us, when the first year of marriage is already as fragile as it is. He blatantly said that he feels like "a piece of shit," because he isn't able to do what he wants as far as our relationship, and just his life in general. He is aware of what he needs to work on. One of those things being going out and spending money he doesn't have. My family thinks he's fooling me around and that I'm wasting my time. I don't feel the same. It's been brought to his attention, and it's something he's fixing. He has given me a timeline of when his finances will be better, and he will have less debt. He said February will be a brand new start for him financially and he can begin to work on settling his life with me.
The main thing is is that he wants to establish himself better financially, as well as being more of a man. He doesn't feel good about himself right now because of everything he's had to deal with. When my family tells me that I'm wasting my time, or that he's just fooling me around, I get upset because I know he's trying. Yes, do I get upset with some of the things he's done in the past, absolutely, but myself and a few of his friends have brought his faults to his attention, and he's working on bettering himself for not only himself, but for me. I honestly feel as though it would be so shitty of me to abandon him when I know he's working on himself and I'm just being impatient. It just feels like my family is trying to convince me to leave him, and that's not what I want to do, nor am I going to do.
It frustrates me because he's doing what he has to do to be the best version of himself for me. He wants to be a better man for me, be financially stable, and emotionally well, yet my family is still somewhat pressuring me to just walk away. You would think they would be appreciative of a man who wants to be the best he can be for their daughter before taking her hand in marriage. I respect his decisions, and I understand he needs to be better off financially, as well was feeling better about himself before pursuing marriage with me. I just wish my family could see it that way too instead of looking down on him because he isn't ready yet.
Any input, similar situations, or advice would be greatly appreciated.
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