Is there any way to get her back?

[OliverCroft]

Hi, I've been in a long distance relationship for just under 3 months, for the first month, we both loved eachother so much and would say cute things to eachother everyday. We would text from when we wake up until we went to sleep. We called eachother most nights and Skyped once to make sure we're both real

After about a month, we had a discussion about using the dating/social media website that we had used to meet eachother on, I said i would delete my profile since i didnt need it anymore. She thought that I was untrustful because I still had the account on there.

Her ex had previously cheated on her and abused her which could be part of her lack of trust towards me. She also suffers from severe anxiety which could be a main factor.

Last night, my friend contacts me letting me know that he had seen my ex post on the website asking for someone to chat to (after she had said goodnight to me). Anyone would think this is a worrying sign. So I let her know the whole story about how my friend contacted me etc. And she assumed that me and my friend had been snooping around and watching her profile behind her back and stuff. I tried explaining how much i care for her etc. But in the end it resulted in her telling me now to contact her again because she cant trust me. I told her that i've made mistakes but they wont happen again.

Its the next day and I regret the whole thing, i wish i had handled it better although everyone has said that i handled it well. I miss her so much and would do anything for another chance. I have respected her no contact rule today in hopes that she will feel better, it might take time but i want to know what the best actions from now would be. I want her back.

I'm in her city tomorrow with a friend and was planning to leave a card or flowers for her at work but this might be a bad idea, let me know what you think the best thing to do now is

[Mr Gravy]

I think your worries were justified and you did the right thing by confronting her. Now, assuming that you did so carefully and in a non-accusatory way, I further believe that her reaction was over the top and uncalled for. There's no point wondering about the reason why she reacted that way, though. Only she knows the answer to that question.
Either way, for the time being she doesn't want any more contact and you should respect that. I would advice against sending her cards, flowers, or anything else for that matter. Relationships always take two people to be successful. No matter how much you want her back, if she doesn't want you back, it's not going to happen.

[R&R]

Mr Gravy has given you excellent advice and you should really listen to what he has said.

When people are caught doing something they possibly shouldn't be doing, they generally will deflect their guilt and try to make the other person feel like they have done something wrong. I would say that is the case here. She has taken it to an extreme by ending the relationship. Honestly, though it may not seem it now, it's probably a blessing in disguise. If she can't have an adult conversation about a difficult situation, then you don't need that.

I said it to you before, you need to be with someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. She has told you she no longer wants a relationship with you. Why do you want to be with someone who clearly no longer wants to be with you? "I love her" is not a valid response to that question. If you no longer wanted to be with someone and they wanted to be with you - wouldn't you find them continuing to contact you and presenting you with gifts to be an annoyance and find it disrespectful to your choice to no longer date them? I'm sure you would. So don't be "that ex". You deserve better and you will find it.

[Chris516]

I think your worries were justified and you did the right thing by confronting her. Now, assuming that you did so carefully and in a non-accusatory way, I further believe that her reaction was over the top and uncalled for. There's no point wondering about the reason why she reacted that way, though. Only she knows the answer to that question.
Either way, for the time being she doesn't want any more contact and you should respect that. I would advice against sending her cards, flowers, or anything else for that matter. Relationships always take two people to be successful. No matter how much you want her back, if she doesn't want you back, it's not going to happen.

OP, I too, agree with Mr. Gravy.

When my (ex)wife left me back in 1997 after 4.75yrs., I wanted her back, too. It took me six months for my mood to change from grief, to relief. I then was the one wanting a divorce instead of her. When I first mentioned it to her, she begged me not to. When we did my mother, step-mother, and my (ex)mother-in-law were there. When the divorce was finalized. My (ex)wife started balling her eyes out, running around hugging everyone except for me(Thank heavens). That showed me, that my initial grief over her leaving was definitely misplaced.

Like Mr. Gravy said. Her reasons are a mystery. But there is no point in going through 'what if' in your head. Think about those things that really bugged you about her. That stayed under the radar while you were together. But you can now remember them without questioning your perceptions of her behavior.

[OliverCroft]

I completely agree with everything said above.

I sent her a message this evening to wish her a good night and hoped she had a nice time. (she was going to a Christmas party) I mentioned that i was very sorry about my actions the other night and regret them. I also added to the end that I still love her so if she felt the same, she can contact me whenever it feels right.

2 Hours later and she replied, she seems very civil and much calmer than before, she did ask me some questions in which i feel like i answered in a very apologetic way although she started to get harsh towards me about the whole thing.

In the end I told her that I don't want to ruin her evening because I know she's been looking forward to it. I told her my true deep feelings about my previous relationship and how i'd been hurt before and how it may have affected my trust etc.
She has yet to reply yet but I think she has gone to her party so that might be the reason, i'm hoping she will reply in the morning and hopefully after being at the party and time to relax, we can resolve things further tomorrow.

I'll keep this thread updated

[R&R]

Why are you apologizing when you did nothing wrong?

[sasad]

Stop it. Stop apologizing for something you didn't do wrong. Why are you making her the victim?

[OliverCroft]

Why are you apologizing when you did nothing wrong?

Stop it. Stop apologizing for something you didn't do wrong. Why are you making her the victim?

Because I handled it wrong, I registered to the website and looked at her profile to see her posts when I should have just messaged her to see what was going on. She is over reacting about the situation but I don't want to lose her.

[R&R]

Hi, I've been in a long distance relationship for just under 3 months, for the first month, we both loved eachother so much and would say cute things to eachother everyday. We would text from when we wake up until we went to sleep. We called eachother most nights and Skyped once to make sure we're both real

After about a month, we had a discussion about using the dating/social media website that we had used to meet eachother on, I said i would delete my profile since i didnt need it anymore. She thought that I was untrustful because I still had the account on there.

Her ex had previously cheated on her and abused her which could be part of her lack of trust towards me. She also suffers from severe anxiety which could be a main factor.

Last night, my friend contacts me letting me know that he had seen my ex post on the website asking for someone to chat to (after she had said goodnight to me). Anyone would think this is a worrying sign. So I let her know the whole story about how my friend contacted me etc. And she assumed that me and my friend had been snooping around and watching her profile behind her back and stuff. I tried explaining how much i care for her etc. But in the end it resulted in her telling me now to contact her again because she cant trust me. I told her that i've made mistakes but they wont happen again.

Its the next day and I regret the whole thing, i wish i had handled it better although everyone has said that i handled it well. I miss her so much and would do anything for another chance. I have respected her no contact rule today in hopes that she will feel better, it might take time but i want to know what the best actions from now would be. I want her back.

I'm in her city tomorrow with a friend and was planning to leave a card or flowers for her at work but this might be a bad idea, let me know what you think the best thing to do now is

She thought you weren't trustworthy because your profile was still there. Yet, it was okay for her to keep hers? Per her logic, that would make her untrustworthy - which, she has now proven to be true.

Your friend saw what she posted and told you. You then verified that and asked her about it. Again, you did nothing wrong. She is trying to make you feel guilty for her behavior. It's one of the oldest tricks in the book. You may not want to lose her but it's probably the best thing that could happen. Otherwise, you will continually be dealing with this drama.

[OliverCroft]

She thought you weren't trustworthy because your profile was still there. Yet, it was okay for her to keep hers? Per her logic, that would make her untrustworthy - which, she has now proven to be true.

Your friend saw what she posted and told you. You then verified that and asked her about it. Again, you did nothing wrong. She is trying to make you feel guilty for her behavior. It's one of the oldest tricks in the book. You may not want to lose her but it's probably the best thing that could happen. Otherwise, you will continually be dealing with this drama.

I didn't ask her about it, she messaged me 5 minutes after I viewed her profile because she got a notification about it. I had my account for a couple of days before when my friend initially told me about it. I should have let her know when I knew about it but I didnt. This is why she thinks i'm untrustworthy. She was using the website because she felt mentally lonely with her mental health and needed to talk to someone that wasn't me and wasn't her best friend (staying with her at uni). I had suggested for her to join a forum but she didn't take my advice.

[R&R]

I have 26 years experience on you and two daughters your age. When I give advice, I can only go on what is provided. If one of my daughters came up to me with a scenario like this, I'd tell them to walk away so fast their head would spin. I've seen drama, I've lived drama. I've been an outside obsever and right in the mix. You are setting yourself up for a lot of drama, unnecessary stress and further heartbreak. In the end, it's your life and up to you to decide what you wish to do. I just hope you use your head as well as your heart.

[sasad]

She thought you weren't trustworthy because your profile was still there. Yet, it was okay for her to keep hers? Per her logic, that would make her untrustworthy - which, she has now proven to be true.

Your friend saw what she posted and told you. You then verified that and asked her about it. Again, you did nothing wrong. She is trying to make you feel guilty for her behavior. It's one of the oldest tricks in the book. You may not want to lose her but it's probably the best thing that could happen. Otherwise, you will continually be dealing with this drama.

Listen to us. Please. You asked for advice and we are giving it to you. If she needs to talk, it shouldn't be with someone on a dating site.