New to LDR, Need Advice

[QueenReginaMills]

Yeah, we don't know that the friend is "insisting" on talking about the ex. For all we know, that could have slipped out by accident, and there's a difference between one accidental slip and persistently bringing up the ex.

However, I do have to admit that hmrambling does have a point about updates about exes, they're not beneficial and when it gets to the point where someone keeps on bringing up the ex a lot, and/or overshares (the excessive amount of detail about my ex's proposal to the third party in our breakup being a prime example) then it does get to the point of needing to ask the friend to stop.

Where do you draw the line re censoring? I once referred to a TV character by his last name when talking to my SO, when we were just friends and he had just been dumped by someone whose name was also Lastname, which made him feel worse at the time because it was just a reminder, and for months after that, even long after we got together, I was still making a point of only referring to that character as Firstname so as not to trigger memories of Ex. Now, he will say that name himself and not react to it so I've relaxed on it. Looking at it now it seems sort of excessive. I don't know....

[Shirona]

We are 3 weeks into nc and i find out today from a friend that shes going out with a new guy she met in rl.

Is that information even reliable

[Chris516]

Here's a 'final final' update for those who may be interested.

We are 3 weeks into nc and i find out today from a friend that shes going out with a new guy she met in rl.

Part of me really wants to confront her and ask her why she had to lead me on but i also do not want to give her that satisfaction.

These 3 weeks have been tough, i took this hard but i guess its time to finally pick myself up and stop clinging onto false hope.

I wonder if that friend will have a chance seeing her do the same to the new guy.

[differentcountries]

If I told my therapist what you just shared here, he would say that updates from friends about my ex is indirect contact, therefore not 'no contact'. How is it beneficial to get updates from friends about your ex who you claim you have no contact with? Make a boundary with your friend that you do not want to talk about your ex. Make a boundary with YOURSELF that you will not talk about your ex with your friends.

I agree with this one. You cant control all of what you friends say. But when I had a hard time getting over my ex, I told my closest friends that it would be very considerate of them if they eased down on details of my ex's life, especially dating life and what my ex may have said or not said about me/our life together. I simply said I had enough trying to process everything without being confrontend with my ex all the time. And that I would see how it went about but I felt that it was too soon to try to be friends or anyway engage directly. So my friends would ask me, is it ok that I share x piece of info with you? And I could choose if I felt ready to hear it. I would be, I am sorry, but I really need you do to do me this favour at least for the first year because I am literally crying every day mourning the relationship at this point. They were pretty good at doing this, as I recall, even if there were som slip ups it was not a massive wall of information that I had to digest. It was very helpful to be allowed to grieve in peace.