I just left my boyfriend and it's killing me...

[medlimoments]

Hello! I would like to get some advice from others who are or have been in my shoes. I just left my boyfriend 2 days ago from a 3-week long visit. I thought it wouldn't be so hard for me since I heard usually it's easier on the one leaving rather than the one that is left. However, I'm finding it to be just as difficult for me as when he leaves. I know it's only been a couple of days, but I'm really starting to think we should go ahead and try our hardest to close the distance sooner than we planned. Our initial plan was, for us to wait until I graduate college (I'm going into my second semester of Junior year - about a year and 1/2 to go) and then he moves here on a K-1 Visa where we will get married in 90 days so he could live here. We are then going to see about him getting enrolled in a technical college, so he could expand his job opportunities.

We have been together as a couple for almost 2 years now, but it seems like every time we leave one another it gets harder and harder. It just feels so different when we talk on the phone, as compared to in real life (obviously). We get into arguments more when we are long-distance, and I feel like we both just act different than when we are together. Don't get me wrong, we love eachother very much, I just need some advice on what exactly we should start working towards. My boyfriend, however, thinks we just need to wait as originally planned. I understand there's various types of visas, such as a work visa or student visa - however, my boyfriend does not currently attend school and I know for work visas you have to be SUPER specialized to be considered. I really do not think it would be wise to get married anytime soon, as I think we would both feel it was forced. Another problem, right now he works at a restaurant and loves his job, he has his own life and I feel it would be unfair to suddenly want him to just go ahead and move here asap, but then again, we're in love right?

I want to know who else has been in my shoes and what you found the best option was to be. Should we bother with the work visa? I just need some sort of insight or guidance at this point. Anything is appreciated. Thanks!

[Mims27]

I wish I could tell you that it does get easier but it doesn't.
My wife and I were LDR for 5 years before we were finally together. It was hard as f*ck but we somehow made it work. We were at differently places in our lives. She wanted to finish school and get an education before moving to another country and I don't resent her for it one bit. Just keep communicating and stay strong. I truly believe that if things are meant to be, they will be. Hang in there and keep busy.

[Redheart14]

Mims is right, it's really hard. My SO and I have been together 5 years now and are in the same country and are still yet to close the distance. All I can say it that you both need to be on the same page about this, otherwise it'll cause confusion, pressure and could ultimately end up in causing damage to the relationship. Talk to him about your feelings and see what arises. If you aren't united on a plan for closing this distance it's only going to cause more heartbreak later on. Hope it all works out for you both.

[Chris516]

OP, I definitely can identify with how you are feeling.

I just came back from a week-long visit w/ my SO, yesterday. I told her last night on the phone. That I wish I could have stayed longer.

Just as it gets better with every visit. Having to leave, gets worse.

[R&R]

I'm of a different opinion than most, that I think it did get easier. We have been together over 3 years and our last gap between visits was 16 months. I found that my attitude and outlook had a lot to do with it. I could go to places we had been together where I live and either be upset because he's not here or happy because I had a good memory to think about. Yes, saying goodbye is hard sometimes, but there aren't tears anymore or moping around the day before. I have so much to get back to and so does he, that our focus is already on what we have to do upon the visit being over.

As far as your questions of what to do next....you and your SO need to have a serious talk. Decide what goals you each have and a timeline in which you hope to achieve them. Discuss ways that you can reach those goals. It's important that you both understand what each other wants and when to help you decide how you will get to those end goals.

[Rezie]

I've noticed that it fits easier. Or I have accepted that this is how it is in our relationship. Sometimes it is harder than others but in general it gets easier.

As for the future. You need to figure out a time line that is suitable for both.

[sasad]

It gets easier in some ways as we have an end point. We have plans and we continue to talk about everything.
I totally agree with R & R about this.... get on the same page.. come up with your time line goals. Do NOT stop living when you are apart. It's all what you make it.

[highsky]

Sorry to hear this. But you should be able to cope it. LDR can sometimes takes very long. If your love is stronger, you will never be separated.

[TaraMarie]

It's hard. Very hard. My husband and I have been long distance for five years (married for six months), and even though he comes home every Friday night, by Sunday night I am sad because he's leaving on the 5 am Monday flight. It hasn't gotten any easier for me. But I'm at the point in my life where I understand that this IS our relationship, and unless I am willing to give up my life here (my children, ex husband, mother), we aren't going to be together any time soon.....and I am not willing to give up a BETTER life here to move back to where I grew up. So, it is what it is. It sucks. Big time. And I understand how you feel. Do what your heart tells you to do when you have a big decision to make. We only get one go 'round in this life. Make it count.

[snow]

It's hard. Very hard. My husband and I have been long distance for five years (married for six months), and even though he comes home every Friday night, by Sunday night I am sad because he's leaving on the 5 am Monday flight. It hasn't gotten any easier for me. But I'm at the point in my life where I understand that this IS our relationship, and unless I am willing to give up my life here (my children, ex husband, mother), we aren't going to be together any time soon.....and I am not willing to give up a BETTER life here to move back to where I grew up. So, it is what it is. It sucks. Big time. And I understand how you feel. Do what your heart tells you to do when you have a big decision to make. We only get one go 'round in this life. Make it count.

I commend you for doing that! It must be so hard to only see him over the weekend! Kudos!