getting married versus not getting married

[lovestoread]

How does everyone feel about marriage versus not getting married and just being together?I know that some people don't get married at all and just stay together,my boyfriend has a friend that has been with his girlfriend for 20 years and they never got married,could you or would you be in a relationship with your so and never get married to them?Or have you?I thought this would be a fun topic to see how everyone feels about this and everyone's thoughts on this.

[Chris516]

Not getting married. Ultimately leaves a father out in the cold. Because a father having to prove that they are a child's bio-dad. Can get messy in custody battles.

[Moon]

Not getting married. Ultimately leaves a father out in the cold. Because a father having to prove that they are a child's bio-dad. Can get messy in custody battles.

WHA??? Where in the world does her post say anything about children??? What are you even talking about?

OP, I've been with my guy for 8 years this spring, we're not married and doubt that'll change. For the record, we have no children, so no, I'm not leaving my poor boyfriend out on the cold
Marriage is a decision that's very much the couple's to make, we can't really advise you on that, but it depends on what kind of future the two of you want for yourselves.

For me, I've been married, I don't think I'm very good at it, so I'm happy to just be in my relationship as is, and so is he. Besides, we have no plans to close the distance in the foreseeable future anyway, so marriage wouldn't make much sense for us

[ThePhoenixRises]

Not getting married. Ultimately leaves a father out in the cold. Because a father having to prove that they are a child's bio-dad. Can get messy in custody battles.

I don't even understand this. My SO has been married and divorced, is a father to his daughter from that marriage, and has not been left out in the cold, and didn't have to prove he was his daughter's bio-dad...unless I am misunderstanding something your post? Not all marriages that end leave a father out in the cold. Why do you generalise so much? It isn't just on this thread, I have noticed it in many of your other posts.

[Chris516]

I don't even understand this. My SO has been married and divorced, is a father to his daughter from that marriage, and has not been left out in the cold, and didn't have to prove he was his daughter's bio-dad...unless I am misunderstanding something your post? Not all marriages that end leave a father out in the cold. Why do you generalise so much? It isn't just on this thread, I have noticed it in many of your other posts.

My point is. Your SO is lucky that his daughter is from the marriage. Instead of a non-marital relationship. I had to prove I was the father of a child. Since I was not married to the mother.

I give 'broad' answers because of the possibilities in a given situation.

[ThePhoenixRises]

Ok as I suspected - I have misunderstood what you have written.

To the OP - my preference would be to get married to my SO - but I would also be content to live with him without marriage for as long as needed. I have no fears or concerns about marrying him as I know in my heart I want to be with him for the rest of my days.

[Rezie]

I think that in would personally want to get married someday. For romantic and legal reasons. But it is not a life goal for me.

[Rezie]

Not getting married. Ultimately leaves a father out in the cold. Because a father having to prove that they are a child's bio-dad. Can get messy in custody battles.

Yea, but once you have proven fatherhood you have the same rights as if you had been married. So custody battle would be equally messy married or not.

[Chris516]

Yea, but once you have proven fatherhood you have the same rights as if you had been married. So custody battle would be equally messy married or not.

I have been there. Even if the court is presented with incontrovertible evidence of paternity. The court will still drag their feet. The court told me they needed to track down my (ex)fiance's husband. I found him before anyone in the court made the effort to look for him. I also found out his financial status to prove he didn't make a sudden trip 500+mi. for a 'one-night stand'. The court finally believed me.

[80anthea]

I'm really not a fan of the whole marriage thing and the legalities that tie two people together. I'm not religious so I don't see it as an act in front of God or anything like that. I think the whole thing is very out dated and the amount of money and stress that one day can cause is ridiculous. This could all of course be because I am old and bitter and have one failed marriage behind me! It does irritate me greatly that the easiest way to get my SO here is to marry him, I do want to spend the rest of my life with him, love him dearly and would make any sort of public commitment to him and so will jump through the hoop of getting a piece of paper saying this. A piece of paper that makes no guarantees that people will remain legally bound together.

[xxcazaxx]

Having lived with my ex of 10 years for much of that time we were pretty much like a married couple, but without the bit of paper to say we were married. Even my mum (who is very happily married) said at the time that it is really just a piece of paper. That said, I want to marry my OH some day. Cant say why, just really do.

[Honour]

I don't see marriage as something to be taken lightly. If the meeting between my SO and my parents goes well, I'm hoping somewhere down the line he asks my dad for my hand in marriage, because let's face it, the two of us are kind old fashioned in that sense and he's already said that's what he wants to do someday.

[Honour]

Not getting married. Ultimately leaves a father out in the cold. Because a father having to prove that they are a child's bio-dad. Can get messy in custody battles.

I'd love to know where half the stupid nonsense you spout out with comes from. How, in any sense, is this related to what the OP asked?

[differentcountries]

Yes, I want to marry. I'd love the party, it signals the relationship is serious, and legally it gives you rights. We probably have no other way of getting him to move here (nor for me to move there, for that matter).

I know he wants to marry me. It was the first thing he talked about, actually lol Which was a bit strange, but that's the way they talk. It is not that they cant have girlfriends/boyfriends, and in the bigger cities people do live together without being married, but it is simply so much easier being married. It gives you respect everywhere, but certainly there. Since we are an international couple, travelling and relocation would be much easier if we were married. Yes, and he says he used to think marriages are a bit stupid (he does not like crowds and dancing), but ever since we went to a wedding together he has been very into the marriages, the kids of his friends and all.

It is true that not being married can make it harder for the father to get recognition if there is a child. That's a good reason to marry, too.

If you dont want to marry, writing wills become extra important. You never know what might happen.

[R&R]

My SO and I originally didn't plan to get married. We each had 3 failed marriages behind us and decided we would be happy just being together. Needless to say, we got married last November. We both decided that we did want to take that step. Yes, it signifies something to us. I also like having his last name.

Also, legally, it does make a difference in certain things. Like, in my state, if one of us passes away, due to the marriage there is no inheritance tax. If we were just living together and one of us left the other anything, it would be taxed. I can put him on my health insurance. If one of us gets hurt, the other one can legally make the decisions for the other. Maybe because we are older, but these are some things that were thought about too.