Lost when thinking about the future

[Littlewhiteflower]

Hey,

I would need some advices right now. I'm with my partner since more than a year. We had a lot of ups and downs but still managed to make it works and lately, we have talked about closing the distance. We talk of it almost every night.

He is an immigrant, living in another Canadian province. He doesn't have his citizenship yet. As the rules to live from one province to another are different, we realised that it would be really really hard for him to live in my place, due to language and education issues. The only real solution would be to marry.

I can't move in his place even though I tried. I'm a student and I tried to be transferred from one university to another but it's impossible in the current situation.

If we don't marry, we'd have to wait another year before he gets a visa that could maybe permit him to work in my province and, as I said, it would probably not work.

My partner already told me he was stressed because he doesn't want to freak out my parents if he ever proposes to me. They are quite against this long distance story due to them being over protective. I told him it was our lives and we should try to make it works, but I'm a little bit stressed about their reaction. They worry for nothing as he is adorable and far from being someone who wants to marry to have citizenship. However, they don't understand how I can love someone living 3000kms away even though they have met him.

I was supposed to go live in his place this summer as well. I would have worked there but he received a new the other day and he learned he would work abroad quite often. So we would not see each other as much as we would like.
I have no idea how to tell to my parents I plan to work there as when they learned about him, this was the world war 3 at home haha (no joke). It stresses me a lot and, in a way, I don't even know if it's worth going as he will not be there that much, but I would still like to go.

Im a bit hopeless about our future at the moment. Marrying could be a solution but at the same time, I don't know if it's a good idea when you're only 21 years old. I love him deeply and I see my life with him, but I don't know if it's for the good reasons.

What would you guys do ? How should I tell my parents about this summer ? Should I go even if they are against it ? Should I just stop thinking about the future and live one day at a time? I tend to be anxious and like to have control but now, it seems like there is nothing I really control and I don't not like it ahah.

I just hope it will all get better..it's a bit hard at the moment to think about everything that is against us.

[2Rocky]

My thought is: don't use marriage as a solution for a problem.

Marriage is supposed to be the reward for a good relationship. In order to survive it needs all parties to be supportive of it.

Write down what steps and how long each step is going to take to make this work. Then ask yourself if it is worth the time it is going to take to work through all the steps.

[Rezie]

Personally I'm not a fan of using marriage as a way to close the distance. I understand that it might sometimes be the only option. I would advise to get married only if the two of you really want to get married.

How long is it till you graduate? If he could get his visa thing organize next year and he can try to come your place and if it doesn't work then you are close ish to graduating and you can relocate?

Go stay with your SO for the summer and work there. You are 21 years old and you can do that. Do you live with your parents? If yes then try to explain as calmly as possible why you want to go there for the summer so that coming back home won't be too awkward.

[Littlewhiteflower]

I still have around 4 years of studies to do..I absolutely have to do minimum 2 years here before having a little possibility to move to do a master degree. So it complicates our situation.

The thing is, it's quite hard for him to come here as well and to have a visa because he knows 2 words in my language. To have a visa in my province, you must know French or at least, reach a certain level. It's hard to find a job in his field of study as well if you're not bilingual, which would make it hard with the government and the immigration.

And I technically don't live with my parents although they still provide financial help. They could try to cut this help to prevent me to go to his place..and as a university student, I can't really permit me to lose this help. So I'm really in a dilemma.

It seems so complicated haha, but I want to thank you both for your reply it's appreciated and helpful.