I'm nervous to tell my mum about my LDR with my boyfriend and the age difference!!

[JJ.KTP13]

"I think its normal to want to stay with him at the hotel, but you're still young and you haven't met yet. I think you should go one step at a time. You have no idea how it will be in real."

Yes you're right but I've known him for a pretty long time, we've shared deep secrets that even friends and family don't know about. He's met my cousin on video call and I've met some of his cousins on video call and we've talked heaps so I know I can trust him and I feel like in person it will be much better. And compared to other teenagers out there, staying with him in a hotel for three days is not even bad. It's only about three hundred metres down the road from my house, and right next to busy homes nearby and a highway so if he is considered dangerous I could run the heck outta there and yell for help XD.

And anyway before I would even step foot with him in a hotel, I'd have him fully meet my mother first and siblings for their approval ☺

[Chris516]

"You wouldn't be able to stay at a hotel. It is far too early for that sort of visit".

Thank you for your opinion, I respect it. BUT personally I think it isn't early at all. When My sister was seventeen she told my mother about her boyfriend only a week before they had made plans for her to stay at his house for the weekend. I'm giving my mother months notice. So hopefully she'll say yes. I have a good feeling about this.

That was your sister's boyfriends' house. Not a hotel. At a hotel, all bets are off, as to what might happen. The parents' of your sister's boyfriend were home that weekend(unless his parents' were out of town that weekend). So, There was an element of 'controlling' the situation. There would be none of that safety at a hotel. Why can't you stay at your boyfriend's parents' house instead of a hotel?

[sasad]

You are 17 and wat to be treated like an adult, then act like one.. we cant and it isnt fair or "adult" for you to ask the interwebs what to say to your mom. As stated before, you know your mom, you know her reactions etc. Stop putting the responsibilities on others and do it yourself. Sorry if its harsh, but really.. dont trust internet people to tell you what's best for you..

Like HR stated, so you say your parents are going to say he's not hot enough? Really? Wth is that all about?? Yes. Looks are not everything to everyone, but to judge someone on looks alone is a bit juvenile.
Have him come and meet your parents and stay in an air bnb or a hotel first

[JJ.KTP13]

That was your sister's boyfriends' house. Not a hotel. At a hotel, all bets are off, as to what might happen. The parents' of your sister's boyfriend were home that weekend(unless his parents' were out of town that weekend). So, There was an element of 'controlling' the situation. There would be none of that safety at a hotel. Why can't you stay at your boyfriend's parents' house instead of a hotel?

Sister's boyfriend's house or not, it still comes down to the age and the fact that my mum let her stay a couple of nights with her boyfriend. And as you must know, his parents work night shifts so yes they weren't there. And I know it would be more dangerous staying in a hotel with my boyfriend I met on the internet and just met but did you not read the comment I said earlier. My mum would meet him first before allowing anything, not only is it really close to my house but my mother could also check up on us now and then.

I'm just afraid that my mum won't allow it because everything is different for me. My sister gets more freedom than I do, and I think this is because my mother's known me to be the more good behaved child or whatever you call it. So this news would come quite a surprise for her.

[JJ.KTP13]

You are 17 and wat to be treated like an adult, then act like one.. we cant and it isnt fair or "adult" for you to ask the interwebs what to say to your mom. As stated before, you know your mom, you know her reactions etc. Stop putting the responsibilities on others and do it yourself. Sorry if its harsh, but really.. dont trust internet people to tell you what's best for you..

Like HR stated, so you say your parents are going to say he's not hot enough? Really? Wth is that all about?? Yes. Looks are not everything to everyone, but to judge someone on looks alone is a bit juvenile.
Have him come and meet your parents and stay in an air bnb or a hotel first

Omfg no you don't get it XD I'm not saying that my parents will think he's not hot nonono I mean my parents aren't like that but I do have a few cousins who would first judge his looks but then later would get to know him and see why I like him so much. You can't lie that a lot of people first judge a person they see, doesn't mean they'll say it outloud. I know that my cousins would maybe quietly discuss it behind my back between each other not really in intending it to be mean..but honestly once they get to know him I know they'll like him as if he were family.

[JJ.KTP13]

I really like this boy and yes I admit that whenI had first met him I didn't like him. But I got to know him more and turns out he has the kindest heart, I'm sure I even love him and therefore I accept him for his looks and everything on the inside too. I'm glad I have him in my life, as the past few years have been horrible and I've always needed someone like him for company. I hope you all know I'm being genuine about this. Thanks for understanding

[sasad]

Omfg. I do ge it... been there doe that. Grew up as well. You still worry about his looks and something bothers you because you mention it a lot. So, no, i dont judge people on looks, gender and nationally.
You say in a later post you didn't like him at first either... you are also conserved about your furniture .. Again, you are 16. You need to talk to your parents and figure that stuff out. I am a parent with kids older and younger than you, i was also a 16 year old at one point too, so i do get it.
This is the sentence i am talkling about....I'm sure I even love him and therefore I accept him for his looks and everything on the inside too.

[JJ.KTP13]

"You still worry about his looks and something bothers you because you mention it a lot".

I'm not worried about his looks at all, I said I love him for him and I'm not afraid about anything. You're not helping at all, you don't have the advice I need so you should stop commenting thanks. Bye!

[R&R]

Like anyone else, parents appreciate honesty. We don't like our kids hiding things from us. Actually, when things are purposely hidden from us and then we find out, it's much worse than if we were just told in the first place.

You are 16 and want to have an adult conversation with you mom. Figure out what you want to say, write it down if you have to, and maybe take your mom out for coffee or something so that you don't have the craziness of the house around you and talk to her. Provide the pros and cons of the situation and solutions. Show her that you have thought this through and that you have ideas.

Even with all of that, be prepared in case she says no. You are only 16 and as your parent, she does have the final say. Parents don't say no to be mean, but they can see reasons that maybe you can't. Don't forget, we have lived longer, experienced more and sometimes make decisions to protect out children from situations we have already experiened. In life, you can present to a parent, a friend or a boss an idea and you will be told no. It's good to learn now how to deal with those. Sometimes, we have to wait. You can't go at 16, but when you reach adulthood, have your own job and place then you can do what you want. Once in the workforce, you can't get that promotion without more experience, so you take the time to gain that experience to get the desired outcome. Does that make sense?

"You still worry about his looks and something bothers you because you mention it a lot".

I'm not worried about his looks at all, I said I love him for him and I'm not afraid about anything. You're not helping at all, you don't have the advice I need so you should stop commenting thanks. Bye!

Life comes with getting answers that we may not like or agree with but responding in a respectful manner, regardless. We were all there once, just like you. Learn from others experiences and advice they can give. If you don't like the advice, then form a better response back to them. "I appreciate your advice, but I'm not finding it's what I was looking for. Thank you for taking the time to respond." That's much better than what comes across as a snarky attitude.

[C.C.]

Life comes with getting answers that we may not like or agree with but responding in a respectful manner, regardless. We were all there once, just like you. Learn from others experiences and advice they can give. If you don't like the advice, then form a better response back to them. "I appreciate your advice, but I'm not finding it's what I was looking for. Thank you for taking the time to respond." That's much better than what comes across as a snarky attitude.

I generally agree with this.
But this time, as I gathered, what she said was more like "you are giving me advice on something I didn't even ask about" rather than "I don't like your advice". I am the type who gets annoyed by that honestly. If I asked someone specific advice and they started "judging" me on other stuff I mentioned which wasn't even relevant I'd go nuts
I feel like it was misconception mostly this time, though. And that Sasad didn't really mean that.

[JJ.KTP13]

Yeah you guys are right. I'm still young I know, but I'm technically seventeen now. There's nothing wrong with having a boyfriend at this age. Yes there would be concerns about staying at a hotel with him, but we've talked about it a lot and with only staying for three days I want to be able to spend all that time I have with him. You know, not only in the day.

I really want to meet this guy. Like I really do. Yes I am preparing myself for a no, and my mother totally dissing the idea of even going to the airport to meet him, hopefully it doesn't turn out like that.

All I want is for her to give me a chance, the way she gave my sister a chance.

[R&R]

Yeah you guys are right. I'm still young I know, but I'm technically seventeen now. There's nothing wrong with having a boyfriend at this age. Yes there would be concerns about staying at a hotel with him, but we've talked about it a lot and with only staying for three days I want to be able to spend all that time I have with him. You know, not only in the day.

I really want to meet this guy. Like I really do. Yes I am preparing myself for a no, and my mother totally dissing the idea of even going to the airport to meet him, hopefully it doesn't turn out like that.

All I want is for her to give me a chance, the way she gave my sister a chance.

No, there is nothing wrong with having a boyfriend at your age. However, your mother is legally responsible for you. My daughters are now 21 & 22. If at 17, they had wanted to meet someone they had met online or wanted to go visit, I would have been right there alongside them. I wouldn't have said no but I wouldn't have allowed them to go alone. Also, we would have stayed in a hotel and their SO would not have been there.

Don't compare yourself to your sister and what your mother did or didn't allow. You are two different people. Even at my age, my older sister and I are treated somewhat differently. I will be the executor of my parents estate when the time comes, as I am much more financially responsible than my sister and things will be handled. There are areas that my 22 year old has a better sense than my 21 year old and vice-versa. I may have allowed my younger daugther to do something at an earlier age than her older sister because she was able to prove to me that she could handle that. Her older sister wasn't ready for that responsibility at the same age. There are also things I made my younger one hold off on because she wasn't ready or at the same maturity level at the same age. Parents can see things very differently than the kids can and we base decisions on that knowledge.

[Rezie]

There is nothing wrong with having a boyfriend or spending night with him. But unfortunately it is not up to you. The longer you wait the less likely your mom is going to let you stay at a hotel.

Eventhough it may feel unfair siblings have different rules based on their personality, history and trustworthiness. my siblings are very different so our parents had to parent us differently and that's why we all couldn't have the same rights. Was your sisters boyfriend local? To parents there is a difference between letting your child spend a night with a boy she met on the intenet and has never met before compared to a boy she knows from school.

So talk to your mum. Tell her the truth. Be calm and collected. Don't throw a tantrum. Let her process if needed. Return to the subject later again. Ask your bf if he is willing to talk on Skype with your mom if she wants to. Bring up the hotel or him staying with you and don't pull the sister card.

Edit: I was writing this as R&R had posted hers. So in conclusion I agree with her and she wrote it down more elegantly than I did 😀

[C.C.]

Another advice btw.
You can't prepare yourself any more for the talk than you are currently. Nor can you get any better advices.
If you prolong the talk any longer for being better prepared all you'll do will be overthinking as the time passes.
Now all you need is the courage to start it! Good luck.

[JJ.KTP13]

Thank you all for the advice and help, much appreciated thanks