I am so thankful to have found this little group. I haven't talked about my situation with close friends or family yet. I usually try not to tell anything until there's something to tell. Also, I am a bit superstitious, and in my experience, anytime I speak/write something into the universe, that's when inevitably things start to crash and burn. I was hesitant to even post in this forum; but as superstitious as I am, I am even more a person of faith, and I just don't think God works like that...punishing people for expressing hope just doesn't seem like His style.
I haven't talked to those close to me about my situation/guy, but I have talked to acquaintances and internet friends. For reference, I am in the US and the guy I have been getting to know is in the UK. I am sure many of you won't be surprised about the immediate responses, when I tell them the guy is overseas: is he a scammer? Is he just in it for the Visa? You can't find anyone closer? Well, not for nothin or nothin, but I messaged him. And, I know the scammers and their games well. This guy ain't it. He's a normal guy. A little on the socially awkward/introverted side, but otherwise a normal guy. So, like I said...finding this group is such a blessing, to find people who don't judge and "get it."
So, a little backstory: I am not new to the online dating world, but things usually end up the same way, moving way too fast and then either ghosted, or the aforementioned crash and burn. So, I decided I just wanted to stop shopping around for "the perfect guy" and just talk to guys, any guys. Just talk to them and hone my online dating skills and maybe make some friends. And...well, so long as it's just talking, I can talk to anyone in the world...in Bangkok just as easy as Louisville. So, I amongst others, I messaged this guy who has cute and seemed nice enough, and he replied.
We became friends on social media almost immediately, and were fast friends. We talked/talk nearly every day, usually for hours at a time, or at least check in with each other. About a week to a week-and-a-half into it...things started to take a turn. A flirt here. A comment there. Subtle, but definitely there. He suggested we do video chat, eventually. Now, like I said before, I usually go too much, too fast, and it usually ends up horribly. So, I told him I agreed, definitely we'd video chat eventually, and I meant it. But, I also said I'd like to take things as they come, maybe do the phone thing first, and I meant that too. This was 3 weeks ago. Since then, he has mentioned Facetime since, but not in a pressuring way, but more in a "When we video chat, I'll show you where I live." or things like that.
I'm super happy with where things in our not-currently-but-hopefully-someday-relationship. Things have moved at a very steady, controlled pace. We've talked nearly every day for a month, and certainly every day for the last 2-3 weeks. We haven't hit a plateau or regressed. Every single day feels like a progression forward. Every single day is a new term of endearment or a new playful GIF. Or shared audio files or a quick video. We check in throughout the day to share what's going on in our lives. He doesn't compliment me much, but he is investing his time and he makes an effort to try to compliment me. The effort is worth more than 1000 compliments. We have had three phone calls, which have been lovely. Some part are awkward, but other parts are so, so, so easy. BUT...our conversations have started to sort of blur together, and we find ourselves having the same conversation by accident.
So, here's where things stand. It's time for the next step. I told him, and again I meant it, that there would come a time for Facetime. Well, it's time. I hate to say it, but... it's time. As much as I would like to delay delay delay. As much as I would like to continue to enjoy this new budding...something...video chat is the next step. And, it terrifies me. I've done enough video chats with my nephew to know how unforgiving video chat is. And, even if by some miracle I don't look like Jabba the Hut on the screen, I will be thinking about how my face looks when I talk, how my face looks when I laugh, do I look weird? He's seen my pictures, I've shared a ton of photos/selfies with him. But, there's just something about video chat that is not flattering at all.
So, now I'm freaking out. In my heart of hearts, I know that IF this thing we have has a chance to become something, we have to do it. We have to. But, to be vulnerable, to have a very real possibility of rejection...to possibly throw away all that has built to this point...it scares the crap out of me. Has anyone felt this way before?
Does anyone have first Facetime stories to either encourage or discourage me? Am I just being stupid?
I haven't talked to those close to me about my situation/guy, but I have talked to acquaintances and internet friends. For reference, I am in the US and the guy I have been getting to know is in the UK. I am sure many of you won't be surprised about the immediate responses, when I tell them the guy is overseas: is he a scammer? Is he just in it for the Visa? You can't find anyone closer? Well, not for nothin or nothin, but I messaged him. And, I know the scammers and their games well. This guy ain't it. He's a normal guy. A little on the socially awkward/introverted side, but otherwise a normal guy. So, like I said...finding this group is such a blessing, to find people who don't judge and "get it."
So, a little backstory: I am not new to the online dating world, but things usually end up the same way, moving way too fast and then either ghosted, or the aforementioned crash and burn. So, I decided I just wanted to stop shopping around for "the perfect guy" and just talk to guys, any guys. Just talk to them and hone my online dating skills and maybe make some friends. And...well, so long as it's just talking, I can talk to anyone in the world...in Bangkok just as easy as Louisville. So, I amongst others, I messaged this guy who has cute and seemed nice enough, and he replied.
We became friends on social media almost immediately, and were fast friends. We talked/talk nearly every day, usually for hours at a time, or at least check in with each other. About a week to a week-and-a-half into it...things started to take a turn. A flirt here. A comment there. Subtle, but definitely there. He suggested we do video chat, eventually. Now, like I said before, I usually go too much, too fast, and it usually ends up horribly. So, I told him I agreed, definitely we'd video chat eventually, and I meant it. But, I also said I'd like to take things as they come, maybe do the phone thing first, and I meant that too. This was 3 weeks ago. Since then, he has mentioned Facetime since, but not in a pressuring way, but more in a "When we video chat, I'll show you where I live." or things like that.
I'm super happy with where things in our not-currently-but-hopefully-someday-relationship. Things have moved at a very steady, controlled pace. We've talked nearly every day for a month, and certainly every day for the last 2-3 weeks. We haven't hit a plateau or regressed. Every single day feels like a progression forward. Every single day is a new term of endearment or a new playful GIF. Or shared audio files or a quick video. We check in throughout the day to share what's going on in our lives. He doesn't compliment me much, but he is investing his time and he makes an effort to try to compliment me. The effort is worth more than 1000 compliments. We have had three phone calls, which have been lovely. Some part are awkward, but other parts are so, so, so easy. BUT...our conversations have started to sort of blur together, and we find ourselves having the same conversation by accident.
So, here's where things stand. It's time for the next step. I told him, and again I meant it, that there would come a time for Facetime. Well, it's time. I hate to say it, but... it's time. As much as I would like to delay delay delay. As much as I would like to continue to enjoy this new budding...something...video chat is the next step. And, it terrifies me. I've done enough video chats with my nephew to know how unforgiving video chat is. And, even if by some miracle I don't look like Jabba the Hut on the screen, I will be thinking about how my face looks when I talk, how my face looks when I laugh, do I look weird? He's seen my pictures, I've shared a ton of photos/selfies with him. But, there's just something about video chat that is not flattering at all.
So, now I'm freaking out. In my heart of hearts, I know that IF this thing we have has a chance to become something, we have to do it. We have to. But, to be vulnerable, to have a very real possibility of rejection...to possibly throw away all that has built to this point...it scares the crap out of me. Has anyone felt this way before?
Does anyone have first Facetime stories to either encourage or discourage me? Am I just being stupid?
The thing that is amusing about this is....I have NO idea when he would have seen my cousin on my Facebook page. He must have been doing some serious investigating/going down the Facebook rabbit hole, which is flattering I suppose. 
Oh mylanta!
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