Feeling Insecure & Miserable

[C.C.]

Where is Sasad? I would love to see her opinion on this.

Seriously. Where's the lady and how is she doing? Does anyone know why she's been gone?

[Lio]

56+ people viewed my post and only two people bothered to help. This forum is useless, whatever happened to it being a supportive and helpful community.

If this forum is useless, feel free to leave. You might need us, but we don't need any rude people. If you can't be patient a little bit, think about your problem by yourself. We have a life out of the forum and we're not here 24h/24. Are you this rude with your SO ?

[erwin1973]

Well, there is one thing OP can't complain on now... Lack of respons LOL

[80anthea]

I'm jealous. I wish the biggest concern I had was the post view to response ratio on my posts!

[erwin1973]

I'm jealous. I wish the biggest concern I had was the post view to response ratio on my posts!

This is the best reply I have seen here. Great, Anthea. Thanks for the smile.

[differentcountries]

I think that if you are that upset about strangers on the internet not replying as quickly as you would like, maybe you are less than patient with you own SO. I dont mean this to upset you, but just to put things in perspective.

Sure, your SO being sought after can cause jealousy, be it over the distance or from the neighbor next door. Even if he declines, it may not be nice knowing someone is after him. But that is life, you have to find a way to trust him if you think that he behaves reasonably well.

I don't go around thinking SO might be tempted to cheat, I know he has little interest in other women. But I have my own worries that are partly related to the distance. For instance, because he works all the time when I see him, I worry that we never get to have those long, deep conversations that comes from just relaxing together. I am used to have this with a live in boyfriend, and I sometimes wonder if I know him well enough. But then again I think....this is the normal work pace in his country. If I lived there, we would also not have much holiday time together where we both were free and could have what I would call a "normal life". It is just that the distance is fooling me into thinking that this would be easier if it had not been for the distance.

Adult life is very fun and interesting - and sometimes very hard. The reality is that yes, another woman, or work stress, or depression can take our SO away from us. This is a possibility. But you have to be willing to live with this uncertainty and to be willing to be generous with you SO unless you see some clearer signs that he is straying.

Maybe you are experiencing the "girlfriend effect", that your SO feels safe and not desperate when he is around women, that they are attracted to his confidence because he has a safe base in you. This is something he has to deal with, if he has not experienced this before.

You said: "I obviously don’t believe I’m good enough for him now" - remember; he now have these other options and he still chooses you! I have stood next too the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in a night club, ignoring me and trying to pick up my SO. What did he do? Nothing, he did not even see her. It does not matter that there are pretty women that are into my SO - he is not interested in replacing me. He has options, but he chooses me. And the same goes for him - I get offers, still I think SO outshines everyone. This is the beauty of love - we throw magic dust upon the people we love and they become super desirable in our eyes. It is not just about looks. It is also about connection - and, weird as it sounds, often our ability to make the other person feel safe.

Right now you dont feel that safe, but notice that your reaction is not related to things he does. You are scared of things that could happen, but are not very likely to happen. Right now you are possibly making him feel very unsafe, because you accuse him of things he did not do. This is something that can reflect on how he sees you. You want to be the safe haven for another person. I mean it is ok to point at something that is done, but you say he did not do anything. So try to let him be.

Even when you feel all these horrible feelings, let there be a tiny voice that says that even though you feel horrible, he is not entirely responsible for how you feel. Maybe you can work together on things that he can do that will make you feel more safe, and things that you can do yourself to feel more safe. I think maybe for you feeling unsafe is not just about him, but something in general. This is a little something to get you started. Good luck https://selfimprovement.org/self-esteem